Expectation: Despite the fact that you spent your four years of college studying the humanities, you’ll still be able to find a job that you love shortly after graduation.
Reality: There are literally no jobs available for people who didn’t major in some sort of science, business, or education program. You’ve been searching for five months now and your only income is what you’re making by waitressing tables at the local diner.
Expectation: Now that you’re working full-time at a decent paying job, you’ll be able to pay back your student loans, start a retirement plan, and still have money to eat out six times a week.
Reality: By the time you pay rent and the minimum payment on your loans, the only money you have left goes toward Ramen and beer. Good news is that you should only have to live like this for another four years.
Expectation: Without the constant stress of class and homework you’ll have all the time in the world to work out and be healthy. You may even sign up to run the marathon next summer.
Reality: After working all day all you want to do is lay in bed and watch Netflix. Plus you don’t have money to pay for a gym membership and you definitely don’t want to run outside in the cold. Maybe you’ll start getting in shape next year.
Expectation: Your apartment will be spotless because now that you’re an adult; you don’t want to be embarrassed when your friends come over. You’re even going to make Sunday cleaning day so that you’re fully prepared for the week. A clean apartment will make you feel so much more put-together.
Reality: The nearest Laundromat is 14 blocks away, so you only do laundry once a month. Your dirty clothes are strewn all over the apartment and you’re out of clean towels so your dishes are piling up in the sink. Also, Sundays have now become a day of recovery after a night of drinking, so the chances of you cleaning on that day are slim to none.
Expectation: No more disgusting cafeteria food! You’ll be able to eat decent food now that you’re not dependent upon your meal plan. You may even learn to cook more than spaghetti and Easy Mac.
Reality: You quickly start to realize how much you miss the cafeteria food. Sure, it was kind of gross but at least it was cheap and convenient. Now you’re so tired when you come home from work that you’re dependent upon Hot Pockets and Totinos. So much for learning how to cook.
Expectation: You won’t need your parents for anything now that you have your own job and apartment. You’ll probably only see them for the holidays.
Reality: You call your mom for a home-cooked meal every chance you get, you still drop laundry off at least once a month, and you still call your dad every time you think there might be something wrong with your car. You might actually be more dependent on your parents now than you were in college.
Expectation: You will be able to go out on a lot of different dates and no one will be around to judge you for it. You may even have the chance to date three or four guys at the same time now since you’re hot and in demand.
Reality: The only guys that hit on you are creepy and/or possible rapists. Meeting people outside of work and school is way harder than you expected, and you still haven’t been on one nice date yet. You finally broke down and got an OkCupid account, but these men are even weirder than the ones you know in real life.
Expectation: You’ll be able to go out and party all the time. You don’t have any upcoming tests or homework assignments to worry about, your friends are all free on Thursday night, and it’s totally okay if you arrive an hour late as long as you work during your lunch break.
Reality: Your body hates you. Seriously, it hates you. Thursday nights will never be the same.
RIP Thursdays. We had a good run.
I AM hot and in demand.
People who are actually hot and in demand don’t hide behind an image they pulled from Google
http://www.ameriburn.org/verification_verifiedcenters.php
Easy on the hostilities, Sassmaster. Not all of us write wholesome columns that can be attached to our faces with no real life professional repercussions.
nice rebuttal.
Weak as hell but nonetheless true.
Can you guys just have angry sex already? This is the second column I’ve seen y’all go at it.
THIS!
Practical question: Can I even fit in something that tightly wrapped?
Dude, I’m not a prude. I’m just not open to letting my vagina be explored by random internet strangers who continue to belittle me on a public forum, as that is not my idea of romance. Sorry not sorry.
And I thought I was simply being charming. Lighten up, it’s all in good humor. As far as the “ugly” comment that pissed you off so much, I can barely tell what you look like in that tiny ass picture anyways, and that should have tipped you off that it was a joke. Don’t take the internet so serious…and I agree, never pursue internet ass.
Well, that escalated quickly…
Tridents and hand grenades soon, I bet.
Apology (or whatever that was) accepted.
True story
ouch…
hey now haha
I see miss pres is still feisty over the “low standards” comment. Here’s another after college expectation vs reality for you.
Expectation: One won’t become upset over petty insults.
Reality: One incessantly complains about random internet haters.
Time to move on miss pres.
Don’t be mad because I never responded to your request to have sex with me. Some of us have standards.
No worries. Plenty more fish in the sea.
this girl sucks
Ya
Your replies are terrific, postgradpres!
Pictures or it didn’t happen…
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahaha, i literally just laughed so loud at work!!!
Hahahahaha. Dying in my cubicle.
Total panty dropper.
All these comments are just.. Perfect.. I really needed this folks, thanks.
I don’t get this article… all these things are common knowledge. Therefore, I’ve come to a particularly certain conclusion that you went to college to husband up and failed because you were too busy planning the next mixer.