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There are multiple things in the workplace that are considered taboo: drug and alcohol use, sexual harassment, unethical business practices. But, one of the most universally accepted no-nos of the corporate climate is dating a coworker. For example, the Society For Human Resource Management suggests the following rhetoric for their proposed employee dating policy:
[Company Name] strongly believes that a work environment where employees maintain clear boundaries between employee personal and business interactions is most effective for conducting business and enhancing productivity. Although this policy does not prevent the development of friendships or romantic relationships between co-workers, it does establish boundaries as to how relationships are conducted during working hours and within the working environment.
So, sure, dating a coworker isn’t always highly advised or encouraged. Most would suggest to err on the side of caution when deciding whether or not to canoodle with a colleague. And honestly, I would too. It’s potentially harming to your career, work tensions could seep into your personal life (or vice-versa), and an end to either type of relationship could create uncomfortable strains that you can’t rebound from.
But, the real reason you should never date a coworker? It’s just fucking lazy.
Today’s dating pool is bigger than it’s ever been before. The world’s population is soaring, we are no longer limited to the confines of simply meeting others face-to-face, and networking is the new schmoozing. Hell, you can even find an estimate for the number sexual partners you’ve been exposed to, and that number is likely in the millions.
Our parents lived in a much more confined society. Their blind dates were our Tinder matches. Their dance cards were our casually flirtatious iMessages. Their friend-of-a-friend was our Instagram follower. They were handcuffed by their location and the complete lack of technology to overcome it, but guess what? They still managed to find love (or even just sex) in all the right places.
Yes, you may have a “work husband” or “work wife” — a person that gives you the rundown should something happen while you’re out of the office, a confidant you share inside jokes with, an emotional adviser who may know as much about you as your significant other. But the number one rule of having a work spouse is to not cross the boundaries of the pre-defined relationship. There should be no dates, no accidental hook-ups after the company Christmas party, and (above all) no relationships. That attitude should be adopted with everyone else in the office.
If you tell me that the workplace is an appropriate or viable place to find a hook-up or life partner, I’m going to tell you to get the fuck out of my face. There are over 7 billion people in the world, so if you can’t sift through the connections you have outside of the workplace to find someone to bump uglies with, you’re just a lazy bum who values convenience over conventionality. There’s simply too much to risk.
You need to look forward to going home to the one you love. You need to have an intimacy with someone who can put your work life in perspective for you without being clouded by their own personal interests. You need to get out there, use the resources the world has offered to you, and find someone who’s making a life for themselves outside of the four walls where you spend 50+ hours a week. Your career will thank you. .
Image via Unsplash
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Brian dated a coworker…
Not a problem for me, all the women at my office have already hit menopause.
That cougar life though…
While largely agreeing with the sentiment if someone crops up who could be a serious long, term relationship, you can go right out and get fucked. Seriously. I don’t care where I find the person I want to marry so long as I find them. Dating in the workplace — hooking up far more so — is not something I would chase after though.
What’s the name of your girlfriend/coworker?
I’m not dating someone I work with, nor is there anyone in this office someone I would consider dating. I think it’s moronic to completely throw the idea out.
What about dating an executive’s daughter (serious question)?
My office is 60% girls in their 20s and I’m in said office 10 hrs/day – this is one piece of advice I’ll ignore, Will.
I always say there are exceptions to every rule out there.
Once again, get off Tinder and buy a puppy.
And bring your puppy to work to get dates?
The amount of married coworkers at my site who fuck eachother, or at the very least have emotional affairs (work husband/wife), makes me want to puke. I don’t get a hard-on for HR rules, but there are certain professional boundaries you shouldn’t let your dick/vag drive you through.
I agree with this, but selfishly it has nothing to do with what’s best for my company. If I’m having a rough day the last thing I want to hear is “what’s wrong?” a hundred times. asking me when I get home is one thing, but hearing it 5 minutes after getting chewed out by the boss isn’t going to strengthen our relationship in any way when I bite your head off. I like to think home can be a chance to get away from the troubles of work, and having it ride home in your passenger seat and sit across from me at dinner is not ideal.
Could make the opposing argument though. Everyone is so accessible, especially when it comes to work, that people actually have less time to go out and socialize.
I think that’s where the “lazy” part comes in. If you want to find love bad enough then you’ll make time to go out and find it, not just settle for what’s conveniently right in front of you.
Disagree. While we live in a world where we have so much access to other people, we also value those technologically-based relationships less. A Tinder date doesn’t impress me in 5 minutes? Guess I’ll just right-swipe some more until I find someone who does. An OKC date isn’t returning my texts? Turns out that she had 5 dates that week, and instead of judging me on my own merits, I’m being judged against first impressions compared to the other 4 guys (full disclosure: I’m guilty of doing this too).
… Just don’t date anyone who you have to see on your way to your desk, or in your department even. You’re going to have a bad time.
Never got why the wouldn’t call it GreatCupid, or AwesomeCupid.
That’s not the point. Just because you (or someone) “value those technologically-based relationships less” doesn’t mean that those relationships aren’t valid. You’re letting your perception get in the way of your opportunity.