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I want to believe so badly that contestants in The Bachelor franchise are just like you and I, but exponentially better looking. Just find some charismatic hot people off the street and put ’em in front of a camera. But then you see that the 31-year-old NICU nurse Danielle was actually a country music video babe and kind of think, “Wow, what a coincidence that this nurse used to be in music videos and now she’s on a reality show! What are the odds?”
But if one is a coincidence, fooling me twice is a trend. In a crushing turn of events, I’ve just been informed that Vanessa – you know Vanessa, the perfect Canadian special ed teacher who’s like eons out of Nick’s league – is a failed actress. Sparsely populated IMDB page and all. Her top role to date? Some girl on the criminally underrated Blue Mountain State.
I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I trusted her. She was supposed to bring balance to The Force. I’m in a funk this Monday morning and it’s not because of the all-you-can-eat sushi I had last night. Nay, it’s because the one person we all thought was too perfect for our favorite TV show might just be on the show for the wrong reasons.
Could Vanessa really be here to find love? With Nick Viall, no less? Maybe. But the odds that she’s here for one last ditch effort to re-launch an acting career? Those odds just seem much higher to me. Vanessa is 29. There are some miles on that odometer that Hollywood kicks to the curb before even bringing her in to audition. But if she dominates on The Bachelor? Fame status back at 100. Red carpets and Instagram ad money for days.
So now we’ve got Danielle on music videos and Vanessa on a few eps of TV shows. I swear that if Kristina – the Russian with perfect teeth – was on some episode of Backroom Casting Couch I might run into traffic be done with the franchise forever.*
*I don’t mean that. They could cast thirty failed actresses and I’d still watch. And hey! It actually would promise to be the most dramatic season yet. .
[H/T Barstool Sports]
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