======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
What we know about Corinne: she’s high-maintenance, has an affinity for people waiting on her hand and foot (shouts to Raquel), she likes the finer things in life (read: champagne and cheesy pasta), and doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit (ie. the emotionally intelligent Taylor).
And on the heels of Corinne’s hometown date with Nick in Miami, we now know where she gets it from – her dad, James.
During the hometown dates episode, we saw James do several things that made us think, “Damn, of course, Corinne is like this.” He hyped a good batch of olives that Nick clearly hated. He explained to Nick how to hold a scotch glass only to boast to Nick that it was 15 years old. The man is clearly a low-key foodie with high standards, and his Yelp profile only solidifies that notion.
He’s reviewed 149 restaurants, which is peculiar considering he has his nanny, Raquel, around to make him whatever he pleases. I’ll say this – after sifting through his 149 reviews, most are positive. If he likes something, he likes something. But if he’s unimpressed? Well, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of what he types on his desktop keyboard after signing onto his AOL account.
Let’s take Miami Juice, for example.
This place used to be good even though the owner was an asshole I would eat there often but now the service sucks the prices are higher they cant cook a piece of fish right and the owner is a bigger asshole than he used to be.
Juice and Java is the place you want to go to. Don’t waste your time or money here. They don’t deserve either.
Love the attitude here. Yeah, the owner was an asshole, but now that it’s gone slightly downhill? Well, he’s even more of an asshole.
A trend you see with James is that he becomes furious when something isn’t prepared correctly. Imagine if the batch of olives he served Nick was sub-par. That entire dining room table might’ve been flipped over. But this applies to not only fish and olives, but pizza as well.
Ok people this is NOT good pizza!! This is mass produced pedestrian pizza. And it doesn’t come out hot even when we gave it back to them to reheat it it still came out cold.
We took two bites and tossed all our pizzas in the trash.
Being from NY NJ where you get the best pizza I know good pizza when I taste it and this ain’t it.
We had great pizza at other restaurants in Rome. This was terrible and should be avoided if you can wait to get a little farther from Vatican City and eat at a better quality place.
There are so many delicious little places in Rome no reason to eat this stuff.
The man truly takes no days off. Oh, he’s at a Vatican City pizza place? Best believe he’s hitting Yelp up once he has wifi again. I’ve never been a fan of comparing regional pizzas because it’s simply not fair, but James is clearly a “Rome and New York City” only kind of guy.
But hey, maybe after his European vacation things looked up in Key West. No, wait, they got worse when he attended Louie’s Backyard.
Everything from the salads to the entrees were very sub par! Our snapper dishes which should be an easy chip shot for a high end restaurant in Key West was the worst I ever had.
Corinne’s dad would be the type of guy to 1. complain about his meal online, and 2. compare snapper to an “easy chip shot.”
Alright, Vegas. Let’s try Vegas. He had to have liked the food at Estiatorio Milos, right? Woof. He obviously hated it in the most long-winded review he’s left, all of which I cannot include because it’s simply too much, so here are the highlights.
I love octopus and eat it all over the world and have never paid $32.00 for octopus of any size. This was an appetizer which came out COLD, we sent it back. Second octopus was inedible chewy as rubber, possibly the worst octopus of my life.
Find you a man who eats octopus all over the world.
Next we order the fish tasting appetizer. Very good to excellent but at 82.00 for 16 pieces of sashimi that they should serve with a pair of tweezers and surgical magnifying glasses so u can see and properly handle the tiniest pieces of fish u can imagine.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – if I’m paying $82 for 16 pieces of sashimi, I do not want to use surgical magnifying glasses and tweezers to eat it.
Greek salad was pathetic with mushy tomatoes, one olive, yes one olive in a salad for two. Feta was of poor quality also. So bad I refuse to classify it as Greek! It was left half uneaten. We didn’t want to send another dish back to appear like nasty tourists so we just left it on the table.
I mean, you did just send back the octopus, so.
We go pick out our fish, a Greek snapper of some sort. Came out dry as sawdust! That went back. We had no choice it could not be swallowed with out risk of solidifying in your throat like some cemeticious marine leak stopper that u slap in a hole instantly stop leaking water coming out of it.
This. This part right here. This is peak James. We already know the dude has high standards for snapper, so don’t you dare serve him sawdust. I don’t even know what the final stanza of that entire sentence means, but I do know that you don’t want your restaurant’s snapper called “cementitious.”
We order Dover sole and that were the only words spoken. Icy silence from the staff. No inkling of anybody coming over to say we’re sorry your extremely outrageously expensive dinner is sucking so far.
Dover sole came out and it was good but no where worth the price of admission. When we were done with the fish we sat there forever it seemed like we were in Quarantine with the H1N1 virus!
At the risk of sounding like a peasant who drinks LaCroix instead of Perrier, I didn’t even know what dover sole was before reading this. But honestly, how dare they? I love the scene he sets, though. “Icy silence.” You can feel his anger come through on his Yelp reviews. Toss in an H1N1 quarantine joke to boot? Well, then you’ve just got a legendary Yelp review.
For more reviews in all their glory, peruse his profile and gain of understanding of where Corinne’s standards come from. Never change, James. Never change. .
Listen to the Touching Base recap of the hometown dates on iTunes and SoundCloud.
[h/t @dantratt]
[via Yelp]
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
I wonder what he thinks of Chili’s
Do they have a snapper?
They have sizzle
James looks like the type of guy who tries to sleep with his daughter’s friends, or at the very least makes them feel extremely uncomfortable when they’re lounging by his pool.
But for real, she probably has really really hot friends, if she has any that is.
Not judging, just saying.
His daughter gave Nick a cemeticious boner in the bouncy house
This guy sounds like a mix of Madoff, but with the uppity of Duda.
This guy seems like a total sleeze. How dare you compare him to Madoff.
Clearly you didn’t read Madoff’s pizza take.
I did and while I didn’t agree with it, he still likes pizza and that’s all that matters.
I think South Park got Yelp reviewers right when they showed them to be pretentious, self righteous assholes.
Still liked Corinne’s family because they were real. You could tell that this was exactly what her dad was like when he announced that the whiskey was 15 year, single barrel. You’re getting a pretentious, weird Greek family that loves olives and drinking.
I suddenly have a hankering for crab legs
Sounds like the dude who doesn’t look at menus from a few weeks ago
He reminds of every guy over 40 that I saw when living in South Florida. Thank god I’m out of that shithole.
James O. definitely rides the Trump Train.