Coach Taylor Wants You To Turn Off Your Goddamn Cell Phone

Coach Taylor Wants You To Turn Off Your Goddamn Cell Phone

It’s no secret that I consider Coach Taylor to be my spirit animal, so local Austin cinema chain Alamo Drafthouse dropping a new Coach Taylor speech on a casual Friday was a sight for sore eyes. And by sore eyes, I mean the eyes of a dude who can’t wait to potentially go to Alamo Drafthouse this weekend to get his beer and movie on.

Whenever Coach says, “I wanna tell you something” or calls someone “son,” I can’t help but drop everything and get lost in his rhetoric. Hell, I use Eric Taylor quotes that have nothing to do with hangovers to, well, cure my hangovers.

There are certain Coach Taylor moments where his simple nature speaks volumes. You know, like when VooDoo Tatum went rogue and didn’t call the plays Coach instructed, so Coach Taylor proceeded to back him into a corner of the locker room screaming, “Get outta my face!” before giving Saracen the rock for the second half. Or the time where Saracen showed up to take Julie on a first date in his Member’s Only jacket that Landry (or Lance) picked out, only to have Coach ask him if he wanted a beer despite Saracen being underage and having Julie drive to whatever dirty Texas diner they went to.

Actually, they went to Applebee’s. The people of Dillon, Texas always seemed to show up on each other’s doorsteps to talk (as if cell phones didn’t exist) and eat at Applebee’s. Never understood it, but couldn’t help but respect it. Dillon, man. So simple.

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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