Chipotle Wants You Back So Badly They’re Giving Away Free Burritos

Forget about the whole full body explosion thing, because Chipotle is making it right by offering up free piping hot burritos.

The burrito giant is closing all stores until 3 p.m. today for staff wide “food safety training” which is probably a good thing since they ended 2015 with E. coli and norovirus outbreaks across the country. Not how you wanna close Q4, in my opinion.

This just looks terrible.

They’re even getting dissed by rival burrito shops.

That’s cold, man.

To win our hearts back, Chipotle posted this to their website out of nowhere:

Screen Shot 2016-02-08 at 10.46.50 AM

All you need to do fire off a text, and they’ll guide you through it. The offer is available between 11:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time today. Because I’m a consummate newsman, and someone who respects the ‘potle, I did this and documented the entire process.

I’m operating at sub-50% battery life which is probably psychotic.

Interesting. I don’t know what I’m signing up for, aside from a burrito, but it’s free.

And it’s that easy. Sure, this could end with eruptions form both ends, but at least I paid zero dollars and zero cents for it.

Image via Northfoto /

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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