After graduation, it takes some time to settle into the real world. For some people it’s a few months, others a few decades. Whether you’re part of the corporate grind, or living on a buddy’s couch and working on an alt-rock album, here are twenty things you’ll do during the difficult adjustment period into adulthood …
There’s a great quote from Moneyball that sums up my life of late. A young Billy Beane is sitting at his family’s dinner table, and an MLB scout is offering him a pro contract, giving his sales pitch to the family. He’s telling them how great their son is, and how he’s going to be a huge star in …
We’ve already covered the 10 Worst Things About Post-Grad Social Media, but the thing about social media is that there are terrible, attention seeking human beings behind these accounts. The Not-Fit Fitness Freak So you finally dropped the freshman 15? Congratulations. You’re a regular Jillian Michaels. Bad news is that this person is still roughly 25 pounds overweight. I’m happy that you’ve finally …
Fuck. Shit. I’m dying. Fuck. I need a McMuffin-sized Advil right now. Also, a McMuffin. Oh, sweet. Got a number last night… …it’s from that dude I went to high school with who wants to sell me life insurance. Fuck that guy. I hope no one slept over last night. I do not want to …
We’ve already covered the 10 Worst Things About Postgrad Social Media, but the thing about social media is that there are terrible, attention seeking human beings behind these accounts. The Not-Fit Fitness Freak So you finally dropped the freshman 15? Congratulations. You’re a regular Jillian Michaels. Bad news is that this person is still roughly …
There’s a great quote from Moneyball that sums up my life of late. A young Billy Beane is sitting at his family’s dinner table, and an MLB scout is offering him a pro contract, giving his sales pitch to the family. He’s telling them how great their son is, and how he’s going to be …
To a business contact: My day to day functions in my sphere of influence are quite simple really. I am able to use my finely tuned networking and social skills toward synergizing a more streamlined work environment for my peers, all while keeping my production and personal brand high. My main duties consist of creating …
Once you graduate, you realize post-grad life is basically one long, elaborate version of your favorite childhood game, MASH, with unlimited options that have the ability to be awful or amazing. The last thing you want is to make the wrong choice and regret that little piece of paper holding you back, wishing you could …
As if finishing undergrad wasn’t enough of a reminder that all the good things in life will eventually leave you, The Office series finale aired last week. After nine glorious seasons, viewers were given closure on some of the series’ unanswered questions and a glimpse of what the future held for our favorite Dunder Mifflin …
It’s the age old question that was brought to the forefront in the 2004 comedy classic, Wedding Crashers. Christmas isn’t as awesome as it was when you were a kid, and for single postgrads, weddings are just an all too familiar reminder that your reproductive system is imploding upon itself like a dying star with every day you remain single. So we ask ourselves, what’s better? Christmas or wedding season?
Your co-workers are not your enemies, no matter how much it seems that way. Hope you like Jos. A. Bank emails. Eating lunch alone in your car is as depressing as it sounds. People don’t like cursing as much as they did in college. An early lunch is never a good idea. A long lunch …
At your run of the mill office job, not all coworkers are miserable, only like 87%. Cherish the 13% you don’t want to die in an office fire, especially that 11% made up of the three to seven people you would actually consider sleeping with. To be fair, it’s not like you wish death on that 87% …
1. Getting A Job Congratulations! You’ve managed to become a contributing member of society! Even if it’s just a temporary job at Best Buy to boost your résumé until you find a real job that suits your skillset, and you graduated a year and a half ago, at least you’re getting paid. I mean, the …
You might think you have one of the worst bosses in the world, but your supervisor pales in comparison to the worst bosses to ever grace the silver screen. Mr. Ducksworth - The Mighty Ducks Ducksworth had one of the biggest hotshot lawyers in the greater Minneapolis-St. Paul metro in Gordon Bombay. After Bombay’s …
Stage 1: Denial You’ve been living this life for nearly the better part of a decade now. All of the sudden, with one fell swoop of tens of thousands of dollars of your parents’ money, and a fancy piece of paper, it’s been taken away from you. There’s no way it could end this …
Getting down on one knee would only flare up an old golfing injury. The only ring that three months salary will get you can be found at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. Thinking about seeing yourself in a staged engagement photo is enough to make you punch yourself in the face. A single …
The Way Too In Love, Not Married Couple They dated all throughout college, but haven’t quite taken the plunge like some of their friends already have. They’ll slow dance and grind the entire night, despite not drinking all that much. It’s actually really fucking weird. They make everyone uncomfortable with baby talk at the dinner …
If you were a normal kid in grade school, you had an AOL Instant Messenger account. Now, if you want to have some semblance of sanity at work, you use Gchat on a regular basis. Gchat takes me back, man. I blew up AIM like gangbusters. I had so many buddies that I had to …
1. Babies
People are having babies, and they are constantly posting pictures of their spawn on Facebook and Instagram. With every passing month there are less pictures of hot girls in bikinis doing body shots off of each other on spring break, and more pictures of drooling miniature people occupying your Facebook news feed. It’s a constant reminder that while other people have become adults, you remain in a perpetual state of arrested development.
1. The dress Her: The most beautiful dress she’ll ever wear…as long as it doesn’t make her hips look too wide. Him: Just don’t spill anything on it2. The ceremony Her: The only acceptable ocassion - ever - to wear waterproof mascara. Him: Is this really necessary?3. The vows Her: I would fucking KILL to …
