Brunch Is The Dave Matthews Band Of Meals

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There’s been quite a bit of talk here on the topic of brunch. That’s all well and good, brunch is a wonderful experience rife with booze and eggs. It can be something you look forward to all week, or an emergency dose of protein, grease and hair of the dog. It’s a time when everyone can come together, raise a glass and toast, “isn’t this better than church?”

That said, I’d like to address the tone in which brunch has been discussed as of late. It seems as if some of my fellow contributors and commenters think of brunch as a recent novelty tailored to ex-frat bros getting their day drink on. That’s not wrong, necessarily. It just lacks context.

I want to make one thing explicitly clear about this exercise: I am not hating on brunch or the Dave Matthews Band. I am only making comparisons so that we, as a community, can have a more nuanced and informed conversation on what we put into our bodies and why. And ‘where’ and ‘when’, I guess. ‘How’ should be self-explanatory (don’t make it weird, buttchuggers).

1. Brunch is old

Though the idea of eating something between breakfast and lunch originated sometime around when we homo sapiens split from our more primitive non-brunch eating Neanderthal cousins, the actual term and practice of “brunch” as we know it originated sometime in the 19th century. And of course there is the concept of Second Breakfast – an eastern European/hobbit tradition. Dave Matthews began performing and recording in 1989, though the first studio work as the Dave Matthews Band had to wait until 1991. So old that his career encompasses a retro-named Taylor Swift album and the entire lifetime of many of you currently reading this.

2. Brunch steals original work

There is no brunch-related plate that didn’t already exist in the food world. Eggs benedict, biscuits and gravy, cobb salads, whatever. Everything you can get at brunch already existed elsewhere. Once, I heard someone say that “All Along the Watchtower” is the best Dave Matthews song. That person was soon corrected that Jimi Hendrix wrote the song. Both of those people were wrong, and so is only drinking mimosas at brunch. Note: I love bands covering songs so I don’t think any less of either subject of this comparison. Brunch should be celebrated for new twists on favorite dishes, as should Dave.

3. Brunch IS a gateway drug

I especially liked this article. My favorite line was easily “Brunch is the college football tailgate for yuppies.” Totally nailed that one, except for the massive amount of yuppies that host and attend college football tailgates. But the sentiment remains. Brunch leads to harder and more destructive choices. Similarly, Dave Matthews is generally an entrance point to jam bands, which causes financially unsound decisions based on what narcotics are available.

4. Brunch is pricey, but worth it

There’s not really a cheap brunch, even though the phrases “unlimited” or “bottomless” are usually not hallmarks of finer eateries. I myself once paid in the triple digits for a shockingly underwhelming brunch (don’t go to Bubby’s Tribeca – their omelettes are garbage). That being said, you’ll most likely get your money’s worth. Even if the food is leftover meat placed over powdered eggs with a glass of André and Minute Maid, there will be a fuckton of it. Dave Matthews concerts aren’t cheap either, but between hearing some hits from Under the Table and Dreaming and a cover of one of your favorite groups (see #2) you’ll probably enjoy it.

5. Chicks dig brunch

They do. There’s not a woman alive that won’t make time for brunch. There’s also not a single female I know that doesn’t know the fast-singing part from Ants Marching. Brunch and DMB are both non-offensive and harmless. They can be slow and sweet or make you want to dance, but will always be relentlessly happy and positive. An invite to brunch or a Dave show will always result in the woman accepting (unless of course she doesn’t like you. Respect her decision on that one, guys).

6. The venues belie the product

Dave is notoriously picky about what venues he plays. They almost always are hyper-developed and carry a $40 per ticket service charge. The best brunches take place in establishments that – under normal circumstances – wouldn’t let your broke ass in. So in the case of brunch, the establishments in question are able to rid themselves of perishable goods in a cost-efficient manner. That’s more respectable than Dave not wanting to get his feet muddy in anything less than the brand new amphitheater in Whereverville, BadWithOilMoney.

7. Your mom will pay for it if you include her

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Moms love brunch and Dave Matthews. Look it up. Also, call your mom.

As I said before, I don’t dislike either of these things. If I don’t have anything better to do, you can usually find me at Denver Biscuit Company or The Grape in Dallas (home of Texas’s best burger! Only available at Sunday brunch). Now if we’ll all order another round of fruity drinks and sing Satellite, we can commence with the brunching..

Image via Marc Pagani Photography / Shutterstock.com

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