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Let’s just start by saying it’s no coincidence that the word “breakdown” is in the title.
For those of you who don’t know (so, everyone), I’m getting married in 38 days. Yes, the fact that there’s someone out there who agreed to chain herself to me (legally speaking) from now until death is ludicrous. I agree with you. Yet here we are.
Okay. So the issue about weddings is this: you make the amount of decisions for a wedding that basically equates to the amount of decisions you’d normally make in, like, ten years. That’s where all the stress stems from. It’s too small a period of time to be able to successfully pull off every single one of those decisions, from the flowers to the cupcake flavors to the guestbook area to the speeches and the first dances and the dress and the accessories. It’s too many things squished into a tiny period of time. Of course, this is only the most stressful part if you’re actually confident you’re marrying the right person. If you’re having doubts about that kind of shit, like whether you’re truly meant to be together as the wedding approaches, you’re fucked. Just get out now. This will not end well for you.
To get back on track: did realizing the fact that there were too many decisions to make cause me to simplify anything? Of course not, because I enjoy the mental pain that this event has brought me. I also enjoy the fact that I haven’t eaten a cookie in six months to shrink my love handles so I can fit in my expensive dress. I love it. It makes me cheerful just to think about it.
I have so many things swirling around in my head at any given time that I’m legitimately worried this one event is causing me permanent mental damage. I’ve been having stress dreams about the wedding for a year. I haven’t been on time to work in six months. I’ve been so busy going to the gym instead of happy hour, buying hair extensions, and choosing my fucking veil that I’ve lost all track of reality. My advice to anyone who’s engaged: just get married now. Just do it. The longer you draw it out, the longer you have to worry about it. And the longer you have to plan, the more shit you actually plan.
Because despite all the ridiculousness that has accompanied this day’s approach, like me agonizing over peonies and literally spending days choosing a hair accessory, I want all the details. I don’t want to cut them out of the picture for simplicity, even though it would make my life easier. I don’t know why I persist in torturing myself, but again, here we are. Inevitably I’ll have stress diarrhea the morning of and someone will forget something and someone else will be late, but if that’s basically the worst that happens? I’ll consider the day a success.
So, to sum up: I am a fucking mess. There is one month to go, and I still need to lose three pounds, figure out who is bringing all the kegs to the venue, and organize the RSVPs. I have to make the seating chart and write my vows and make sure the alterations to my dress are finished. In short, everything is chaos. I don’t want to say that I want the day to be over, because I know it’s going to be special. I just want it to be here so I don’t have to plan anymore. And once that day is over, I’m not planning anything ever again.
I’m going to spend the six months after my wedding baking banana bread, cupcakes, and any other fattening treat I can think of. I’m having a bottle of Cabernet a night. I’m going to sleep in until eleven on Saturday and then revel in the fact that I don’t have to get up and go to the gym unless I actually want to, which I certainly will not. I’m going to go on a very long, very expensive honeymoon where I plan on having a lot of oral sex in a variety of countries.
Of course, I have to make it to the wedding itself first. Wish me luck. And wish my future wife luck, too — she clearly needs it even more than I do..
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Rory Gilmore
Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at rory_gilmore20@yahoo.com.
@rory_gilmore20
Always remember, your wedding day is going to be the best day of your life but it will also go by in the blink of eye as a blur and what’s important is the life you share together from that day on (and having an awesome live band at the reception)
#loveislove
As long as the booze is flowing, your guests will be happy
Just got married last month and I can assure you: you will be fine, everything will be fine. It rained and we had to move the ceremony inside. I chose the song I walked down the aisle to the morning of by googling “good songs to walk down the aisle to.” It all goes so fast you won’t even pay attention to the little details. I didn’t even process what the decorations looked like, I was so wrapped up in my spouse, our family and friends all hanging out having a good time, and I guarantee you will too. Food, booze and music. Those are the only things people really care about at weddings. If you have those 3 things dialed in, everyone will be happy.
Good luck and just remember to breathe! It will happen no matter what and it’ll be the best night of your life!
You’re going to be surrounded by the only people that matter, and they don’t give a shit if little details aren’t Pinterest-board caliber.
Congrats on the multi-country (oral) sex, and congrats on what will for sure be a bomb-ass wedding.
Multi-country? I can’t even get multi-room oral sex.
I can’t even get single room oral sex.
Afterwards, all you’re going to think is “why did I worry so much about all that stuff?” because none of it matters.
Congrats! The best advice I give to all my engaged friends is to have a short engagement. The stress of the details will be there no matter what, so you can either be stressed for 6 months or stressed for 2 years. I’m picking 6 months every time.
And to echo what everyone else said…the day goes by too quickly for you to notice the details anyway.
I did the complete opposite. I had a 2 year engagement and I can’t imagine doing all of this in 6 months. I was never the type of girl planning my wedding since childhood so I had no idea what I was doing. We were able to chip away at the big stuff slowly so we don’t feel strapped with all these payments at once or overrun with meetings. Plus we were able to get all the vendors we wanted since we could book in advance.
Take a deep breath, everything will be OK. There have been a lot of weddings before yours, and there will be a lot after. In the grand scheme of things, it won’t matter that much. Just be in the moment with your partner and take in all the love surrounding you. and booze, plenty of booze.
If you can afford it, get a wedding planner. Bar none, best $3k I have ever spent.