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I wouldn’t say I’m looking for a relationship at the moment. I’m 24, I live in the third largest city in the country, and if you’ve read any articles regarding “The Chase,” you know that I am no stranger to dating or one night stands. Like any other #millennial, I use Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and Facebook on a daily basis, and I’ve got to admit something: I legitimately don’t know how some of you have significant others. I am an admittedly shallow person, especially when it comes to dating, but I know so many guys who have a significant other that are so much worse than I am. What is the secret?
Some of the ugliest human beings (inside AND out) I have ever met have steady girlfriends. Guys who haven’t been to the gym in months. Guys who still only know how to make pasta for dinner. Guys who don’t shower on a daily basis. Guys who semi-regularly cheat. I know all of the above. This seems to be my competition for finding a significant other, and I’m losing the battle. Sure, I have a few girls at the moment on a “roster,” if you will. I see them semi-regularly, but some days I get home from work and I’m honestly not looking for a hookup. I’m looking for someone to literally just lay in bed with me and watch some awful television.
Are my standards too high? Do I look like a fucking ogre and I’m just not self-aware enough to notice it? My mom tells me every chance I get how handsome I am. Is that not true? Has she just been straight up lying to my face for 24 years?
I don’t make a ton of money. I live comfortably enough for a 24-year-old man-child with a bachelor’s degree. I can afford to take a girl out to dinner at a bourgeois spot downtown if that’s what she wants to do. I can go out with friends on a Friday night and not worry about my checking account over-drafting. Sure, I can be an asshole from time to time, but what 24-year-old human being isn’t a narcissistic dickhead? I’d love to meet that person. Maybe get a few pointers from him/her on how to not be so self-centered.
The past few weekends I’ve found myself standing around at bars or parties and judging the shit out of guys in my vicinity who have girls around their arm. How the fuck did that overweight slob with the neckbeard and a hoodie on land the girl who looks like she might still be in college and has a rack that would make Emily Ratajkowski jealous? I guess maybe it’s time for me switch something up. My wardrobe is the one thing I’ll be putting my foot down on. I like the collegiate blazer and khaki look too much. I love wearing LL Bean sweaters and turtlenecks. I’m Wonderbread white. There’s no changing that.
Maybe my attitude needs to change. Perhaps I’d have more luck if I cooled it with the sarcastic comments regarding a group of girls who just asked me to take their picture for Instagram. I feel like every girl I hook up with is good for two to three dates and then they just stop talking to me. There are only two possible reasons for my inability to get a girl to stick around. One is that they’ve got something else coming down the pipeline. Two (and probably a little more logical than number one), they get bored. Fine. I can deal with both of those reasons. I have a very specific daily routine and I don’t really stray from it. If it’s a weekday, I’m doing the gym before work, I’m home making dinner by 6 and I’m in bed by 8. If it’s a Friday, Saturday, or very occasionally a Sunday, you’ll more than likely find me at a bar or house party drinking Miller Lite. That’s admittedly a pretty boring routine.
But it’s not like I can go hiking on the weekends. I live in Chicago. But I’d be open to suggestions if, say on a Saturday night you’d rather go to an art show or see a movie. I feel like I did my senior year of college when I was sending out these desperate cover letters to companies all over the country. I’ve got the experience, just give me a fucking chance to prove myself.
My Bumble and Hinge activity has slowed down in the past few weeks. I don’t care anymore. I’d rather meet a girl in real life than ask a stranger some generic cookie cutter questions that are either going to lead to a one night stand or not meeting up at all. It’s fucking exhausting. Am I doomed to be single forever? It’s very possible. Honestly, that’s not the worst thing that could happen to me. Imagine how much money I’d save in the long run not being married to someone. My mother would probably murder me if I told her she wouldn’t be getting grandkids, but not everyone gets married nowadays.
Perhaps I should stay career focused for the next few years. I know this sounds like I’m in the midst of some serious existential crisis, but I promise that is not what is happening. I just want to figure out what I’m doing wrong and if I’m even capable of changing it. Chasing girls is a blast. I’ve said before that a lot of times, the chase is more fun than the actual act of hooking up. I still actively do that and it is fun. My weekends basically revolve around it. I’ve talked with friends about the ideal age to settle down with a girl. Most of them are still very, very single. 27-to-28 years old seems to be the consensus, but as my 25th birthday begins to get closer and closer, I’m plagued by a thought that legitimately keeps me up some nights: am I ever going to find someone? Or, am I doomed to month long relationships with girls who I know on a very singular level? Summers creeping up. Not exactly the ideal time to be getting exclusive with someone. Like I said, I’m not looking for a relationship. I just want to know if I still have the ability to do it if I wanted to do it. .
Image via Shutterstock
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jduda@grandex.co
Focus on yourself, your career, and just enjoying life and the little things. Don’t lament that you’re single, those things tend to fall into place when you least expect.
Because you’ll be more confident and therefore attractive if you’re not feeling self-conscious that there might be something wrong with you for still being single.
I’m 6 months away from 27 and I couldn’t have said this better. However, I don’t know any males my age that still rock the blazer-and-khaki look (or I just assume they’re in college and I don’t bother.)
While I don’t always go for the blazer/khaki combo as much as I used to, it always has been and always will be a classic regardless of age.
Better to be single than in a shitty relationship. The grass isn’t always greener
#PrayersForTodd
Todd dug his own grave.
TGDAG: Bury their boyfriends alive
If I had a dollar for everytime I had an existential crisis, I’d have enough money to spend on booze and drugs to permanently distract me from said crisis. Keep fighting the good fight, Johnny.
I feel you. I can’t seem to make it past the 2 month “what are we” stage. But the thought of trying to start yet another small talk conversation with a stranger is nauseating.
Starting a relationship is easy. Building one and maintaining it, that’s the difficult part.
I don’t know man. I’m really good once I’m in a relationship. I don’t get how the whole starting one thing works…but that’s from a guy that’s only dated people he already knew. Maybe I’m the outlier.
On paper, I might look like a reasonably decent catch. Okay income, I make fresh dinners every night, I enjoy some of the finer things in life, and I finally learned how to grow a respectable beard. But I’m convinced that if I was single right now, I’d be in the exact same spot. It’s not always about being marketable, or “working on yourself” or being a project for a girl.
Sometimes it’s just being in the right place at the right time. Don’t give up the chase, but have fun with it. When you stop thinking “maybe I’ll meet the one this weekend”, you just might meet her.
Or him, depending on how long your chase lasts and how desperate you get.
Hot chicks LOVE to settle. Nothing like a good “project guy” to really reel in a 10 and keep her interested. I think it has something to do with making them feel productive and secure about themselves, but don’t take my advice – I’m still single at 26. Keep on keepin on, sir.
Damn man, I just got over my Sunday Scaries and you out this on me. The struggle is a for real.
Think of it this way – 50% of all marriages end in divorce so statistically (really living up to my username here), half of all of those super happy couples that you see will not end up together. What you see on social media and at parties isn’t how people really are, it’s just the facades that they put on for the rest of the world to see. You honestly don’t know what their relationships are really like so even if they appear like the happiest couple ever, they may in fact be the very opposite.
Don’t compare yourself to others, as our generation is so wont to do. Just take it day by day and enjoy your life. Bang all the hot 20-somethings that you can right now so that you don’t regret not doing it when you’re 45.
I’m a girl, but this was eerily similar to my own inner monologue. Two years out of college at this point and I still legitimately don’t understand how relationships happen. How two people 1. meet each other 2. decide that they like one other’s personalities 3. are both physically attracted to each other 4. can’t do better than each other and 5. are brave enough to admit this to each other and start a relationship seems like such an impossible scenario to me
Yep, I’m right there with ya. Hell I don’t even know how to make new non-coworker friends as an adult.
This is exactly what I wonder all the damn time, so you’re not alone in that.
Girl I could not have said it better. I am so with you on that one and I have the same inner monologue nonstop… Ugh.