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I am an Android user. My Samsung S8 breaks up the mass of blue and white group chats with its brazen green bubbles. Girls grimace when they realize I don’t have iMessage and some of my friends may secretly hate me because of it – but I’m cool with it. I’m happy with the phone I have, it’s functional, has solid processing speed, and gives me better battery life than most of my iPhone-wielding friends. I know that nothing Android does can match the type of fanboy fanfare that goes into Apple’s big tech announcements, including their recent WWDC spectacle. Every year they announce a bunch of minor “upgrades” and features meant to keep users in the walled-off Garden of Apple even as the likes of Google, Samsung, and even Huawei continue to gain momentum. I’m not an Apple hater, I respect the incredible business they’ve built, but I do have my fair share of critiques of how they’ve conducted themselves recently. Here’s my green bubble take on this year’s batch of much-hyped Apple WWDC announcements.
For comparison, here’s my @Apple Memoji next to my @Samsung AR Emoji and my @Snap @Bitmoji. #wwdc #wwdc18 pic.twitter.com/A7QcEmKRvO
— Shara Tibken (@sharatibken) June 5, 2018
• Description: Taking a page from Samsung’s AR emoji feature, Apple’s new iOS 12 includes cute and cuddly customizable emoji faces, dubbed “memojis,” that let you recreate your face in a thousand colorful pixels – with perhaps even more detail. It’s like virtual dress-up for your face that you can then annoy your friends with.
• Green Bubble Take: I spent a lot of time toiling on my Snapchat bitmoji but barely use it anymore because A. Snapchat sucks now post-update, and B. Everyone I came in contact with said it looked like shit. I’ll happily avoid having to recreate my oddly contorted face in another medium so I can just spam it in my group chat to tepid responses. Spin-zone: Creating custom memojis would be a time-consuming way to distract your 5-year-old cousin, but doesn’t offer much more.
Animojis Can Stick Their Tongue Out Now:
• Description: Animojis, which you probably saw in Apple’s recent annoying TV ad, can now stick their tongue out as you contort your face. Apple brands it as “tongue-detection,” which I guess has some appeal if you’re looking to up your selfie game.
• Green Bubble Take: Meh, I can’t be bothered. I get jealous sometimes about apps that roll out to iOS first but quirky stuff like this does nothing for me.
32-Person FaceTime Group Chats:
• Description: FaceTime is undoubtedly one of the most popular features Apple has rolled out for the iPhone. Apple has decided to double (or quadruple?) down on this by giving iPhone users the ability to connect to up to 31 other users via FaceTime and toggle between group chat and video. Users can also now use filters and animojis (!) in FaceTime as well.
• Green Bubble Take: If you thought the person sitting next to you on public transit FaceTiming their bestie at full volume wasn’t bad enough, having them intermittently yell to catch the attention of the 5 other face boxes taking up the limited real-estate on their phone sounds like a real treat. I get the idea that FaceTime makes a one-on-one conversation more personal when connecting with parents, significant others, and friends, but adding in 30+ other people just sounds like a conference call from hell – with added puppy dog ear filters. If this ever breaches into the business world, I’m moving to a deserted island.
Another Small Siri Update:
• Description: Siri will now give you suggestions based on your browser and app usage and also has new shortcut tools to help you efficiently spend your time when managing and executing on minor tasks like ordering UberEats hungover.
• Green Bubble Take: At this point, I think it’s universally accepted that most people don’t like the AI-driven virtual assistants on their phone. I hated Bixby so much I disabled it from my Samsung. Unfortunately, Siri is a bigger part of the iPhone than Bixby is of Samsung, so completely disabling it might not be worth it. You might just have to deal with the random voice prompts and secret voice recordings.
New features are great and all, but most people just want a reliable device that won’t burn out after 8 hours and lets you leisurely scroll through Twitter in peace. Or maybe that’s just me. Cheers!.
[via The Verge]