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Commuting in New York City is a fucking nightmare. Unless you live close enough to your job where you can walk or take a car service (Congratu-fucking-lations, Mr. Rockefeller), you’re going to end up on the Subway. Yes, the rat-infested, piss-covered metal coffins filled with condoms tied to poles and basically serve as a homeless hostel. The last thing we need is an asshole waving giant dildos at people.
Yeah, you heard that right. There’s a dude on the subway that’s possibly tweaked out on drugs and waving giant black dildos at passengers. This guy got on a 2 Train at Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, “fucked up on some kind of drug,” according to eye-witnesses, and was apparently spotted decked out in all New York Knicks paraphernalia; sadly, this isn’t even slightly the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Knicks this season. When passengers started making fun of him and taking selfies with him, that’s when he whipped it out.
Per Animal New York:
“the man then started waving the big black dong around, pointing it at people and pretending to jerk it off. The man also kept standing up and clenching his butt cheeks. Then he really got into it: Every time the train pulled into a station, he’d put the dildo away, sit quietly, let people board, then whip it out and wave it around, startling the new passengers.”
Of course, New Yorkers are well-trained to just ignore bullshit. Look at this woman who was sitting next to the lunatic. Stone-faced. Didn’t even look at him. Witnesses said she just sat there, ignored him, and got off at her stop, which is, according to most law enforcement officials, the best way to deal with crazy people on the subway.
Look, I’m all for people embracing their love of giant dildos, what you do on your own time is your business, and I’m not entirely convinced that this guy isn’t my biological father, but come on, man. Commuting sucks enough. Don’t make it any worse, you fucking prick..
[via Animal New York]
Image via littleny / Shutterstock.com
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JayTas’ wheelhouse = blah blah NEW YORK blah blah FOOD blah blah DILDOS blah blah
Par for the course.
Of course the passengers couldn’t care less. A man with a dildo is nothing compared to getting fucked daily by the MTA
“And I’m not entirely convinced this guy’s isn’t my biological father”
Can you show us on the doll where he touched you?
That’s not how you make a baby
Can you follow STL’s or some other shithole’s local news for a bit? For example, I was legitimately curious in the difference between a pork chop and a pork steak when an argument over said difference prompted a guy in STL to shoot his uncle while he was trying to BBQing at 3am. As it turns out, pork steaks do exist (the shooter was correct, they were not pork chops as the uncle asserted), and I since bought some and they’re delicious. Another takeaway: don’t try to correct STL residents on their BBQ, you may wind up dead.
Sounds like a job for……HappyAndHomeless!
This sounds like it would make a great SNL sketch. Also, what the fuck.