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Hello my children. I’m back. Sometimes you have to take a couple months off to care of real life things and get your shit together. Maybe I’ll write a different article on that soon.
Speaking of getting your shit together, my having-shit-together friends have turned me on to something they incorporate into their daily rituals that I wanted to explore with you all today. It’s a little something I like to call The Pre-Work Workout, or PWW (“pee-dub-dub”) for short.
These crazy bastards actually wake up hours before work to go jog and lift weights like they’re training for war. One of my friends actually wakes up at like 4 a.m. because he lifts for 2 hours minimum at a time. Either he’s my most disciplined friend or he’s the one killing all of the cats in my neighborhood. Also if anyone sees my cat let me know, he’s been missing for a few weeks now.
Apart from the obvious shit sandwich that is waking up at 4 in the morning, I thought of some actual benefits that could help you ~*LiVe yOur bESt LiFe*~. So strap in because here comes a list:
No FOMO
I don’t know about you, but a big reason I don’t like to work out is FOMO. Why would I go to the gym when I might be missing out on a life-changing happy hour? So flip the script. Disrupt. What better things are there to do at 5 in the morning? Wake up before the sun and you won’t be missing out on anything. Besides the perfect opportunity to off some neighborhood cats (my cat’s an orange tabby and I’m actually very concerned).
No Pre-workout
I personally hate mornings. I’m very grumpy. If a tiny old lady is walking slowly in front of me on the sidewalk, I have no problem hip checking her at full speed harder than Zdeno Chara. I wouldn’t think twice about making Gladys go horizontal midair. But that’s because I’m a terrible person in the mornings. So if I had a controlled environment to pump out my demons in, I wouldn’t need any pre-workout or motivation to get a good pump.
More Discipline
Part of the reason I’m a grumpy Guss in the mornings is because I’m usually late to work. Why am I late? Because I stay up really late watching series like Mindhunter because “moderation” isn’t a word that exists for me (wow but I really recommend Mindhunter if you haven’t seen it). If the PWW was the first thing I had to crank out every morning, I would be less inclined to torture myself with sleep depravation. You know the Sunday Scaries? I get the Sunday Scaries every weeknight. But if I had to wake up at 5-6 a.m. every day, it would kind of force me to to a normal and responsible adult and go to sleep at a normal hour.
More Energy
The easiest excuse I have now to not workout is that I’m too tired. Why would you want to go through hours of grueling physical activity after sitting at a desk for 1/3 of your day grinding out TPS reports and getting passive aggressive emails fro clients? So workout right after you wake up. Also apparently a thing called “runner’s high” exists? Like you work out and something called Endorphins get released and it’s like a natural cocaine. This concept is crazy to me. But until your addy guy get his hands on endorphins in pill form, you’re gonna have to sweat it out.
Start Your Day Off With A Victory
Let’s be real for a sec. You know you’re not going to do shit at work all day. Why not start off your day by actually feeling accomplished? There was an Admiral named William H. McRaven who gave the Commencement Address at my alma mater University of Texas at Austin (hook ‘em) in 2014, and the video went viral. Basically the TL;DR is like, make your bed in the morning so you start off with a win and it mindfucks you into having a great day. I really butchered that but you should watch the video for yourself if you like to get motivated. But yeah the PWW is the same thing! Condition yourself and it becomes automatic. Ask Pavlov’s dogs.
Part of me wants to grow up and become a creature of habit and get a routine going, which the PWW would definitely help implement. Also I’m not really sure how popular the PWW is. Is this already an established thing and I’m just late to the game? Or am I trailblazing here? Either way, the PWW is definitely a win-win for your adult life..
Respond
Everett
Unaccomplished comedian. Got stuff to complain about? email me: everettmcm@gmail.com
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Also, once you’re a PWW person you can throw it in your friend’s faces.
Hit the PWW a few times when I couldn’t fall asleep/woke up waaay to early. The only person in the gym was the front desk dude and I think just one other guy working out. And let me tell you, it was GLORIOUS. No having to compete with anyone to get equipment; no having to worry about sweat stain Sam and BO brad and not being paranoid about people judging how I look. I’d recommend it if you have the willpower (I don’t) for being up THAT early.
Yeah but then you don’t have any mami’s in there to fail to impress
You just created a cloud of pheromones that’ll be wafting off your chiseled body all day after getting a skin-splitting pump. They can smell it and you’ll be irresistible.
I don’t see how not failing to impress is that bad of a thing. Do the work in the shadows to be a super-fucking-star when in the light, I guess.
*too
I used to be all about the PWW when I worked a 9-5 but now they got me working a 7-5
Mindhunter is amazing and so is the PWW. Once you get the routine rollin’ nothing can stop you. NOTHING.
Been all in on this move for over a year now. Its absolutely fantastic. Still a need a pre-workout to really get it going, but nothing crazy.
Even if I get nothing done at work, its good to know I started the day helping myself.
I’m just here for the Zdeno Chara reference.
Something that doesn’t involve alcohol? I bet Nick isn’t interested
10/10 don’t recommend the PWW… I need a nap by lunchtime after my 6:15 OTF class on Fridays.
Well good thing this article is about working out not competing to have a higher heart rate than everyone in an Orange Theory class, nah just kidding.. kinda
did you fall off a treadmill and are now angry with other people’s gym routines? relax, dude.
Hi
Well I’ve never touched a treadmill. Exclusively mountain/road bike for cardio.
Sounds cool…
Stop peer pressuring me.
Tried the PWW thing last year. Told myself I’d be turning over a new leaf, would stop getting to work late, adjust my attitude, etc. Lasted for two weeks
You forgot the most important benefit, instas of you looking like a snacc in head to toe lulu with the caption “Rise and Grind”
You forgot the most important benefit, instas of you in head to toe lulu, looking like a snacc, with the caption “Rise and Grind”
Sure, but at what cost?
Username checks out
You’re not alone