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There always seems to be something in regards to Instagram, doesn’t there? Just about a year ago we had what is now widely being referred to as The Great “Instagram Model” Purge of 2017.
And now here we are just a little under a year later with a whole new set of annoyances on arguably the most popular social media platform. Here, in order, are the most obnoxious Instagram habits currently being perpetuated by idiots across the platform. I’m imploring everyone to stop participating in them.
4. Boomerangs.
There was a time not too long ago where I was all aboard the Boomerang train. Whether I was sipping a dirty vodka martini with blue cheese olives, making a little egg porn at brunch, or just chunking up the deuce, there was a very good chance that instead of a regular ass post to my Instagram story, it was a Boomerang every single time.
I was ‘ranging constantly, and eventually, friends told me that it was starting to become a bit annoying. Almost unfollow worthy. So I eased up on participating in the ‘rang life a few months ago and realized that I was no better than the 22-year-old account executive that Boomerangs her train commute to downtown Chicago every morning. I’m embarrassed I was ever doing Boomerangs, and for that, I apologize to everyone. Steer clear of the boomerang unless you are the aforementioned 22-year-old girl commuting to work every morning – you’re doing amazing, sweetie.
3. Writing “New Post” on your Instagram story.
This one is usually done by girls who are desperate to gain more followers, and they think that by teasing their latest post in their story they can get attract more followers. It usually looks like this:
See what I did there? I scribbled out the latest post on my grid so that you’d have to click my profile to see it! Don’t forget I also subtly asked you to like the picture as well. LOL. You totally don’t have to but if you don’t I’ll know about it.
This is the attitude of a person who does the “New Post” trick. Don’t fall for it. As a matter of fact, if you see one of your friends doing this either tell them to stop immediately because it looks really desperate or just straight up unfollow them. Sometimes I see girls do this and I just think to myself one thing – “What the hell is the end goal here?” I still have yet to figure out an answer to that question.
2. Adding more than five or six posts to your Instagram story in one day on a consistent basis.
You see how many pictures are in Spencer Pratt’s story right now? The answer is too many. If you’re just talking at your phone and posting like that every single day over the five or six picture limit, you’re a fucking nutjob. I’m sorry if this offends anyone who does this but you can’t be living a stable life if you’re posting on your Instagram story that often. The only reason I haven’t unfollowed Spencer Pratt is because he’s constantly cooking up delicious meat in his Traeger smoker and I respect that. Plus I love The Hills and I don’t have it my heart to unfollow him.
1. Fake laughter
I’m sorry that I have to keep showing you pictures of myself because I know nobody wants to see that, but here is one where I’m mocking the classic “We’re having such a good time that we had no idea someone was taking a picture of us” girl.
I even included the “D R Y B A R” caption, which is an ode to a popular hair salon where well-to-do girls in Chicago go and boomerang themselves after they’ve spent 80 dollars on a blowout. The fake laughter is the worst of the worst, and it’s an epidemic that has plagued Instagram for a very long time now. I have quite literally seen girls at parties start to fake laugh as soon as another girl whips her phone out, and even ask for a redo of the fake laugh so that they mess their hair up a little bit. I like to laugh at the people who participate in these trends, but it’s a laughter that is mixed with a little bit of pity. The quicker you admit that your Instagram is irrelevant the quicker you’ll be able to get on with the business of living your life. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Not having an Instagram. PGP
5) Being a teenage girl that writes all captions in lower case (Will)
6) Creating an Instagram account for your dog and writing captions from the dog’s point of view, usually all in lower case (also, Will). This one is a certified crazy move.
^ex-girlfriend has an account for her dog, I can confirm anecdotally.. she’s crazy.
Is it though? There’s only so much time and I already dick around enough on Twitter/snapchat/Facebook. Adding another medium seems like too much
You should swap out facebook for insta. Fewer aunts posting bad political takes and more fit chicks.
Another advantage to Instagram is that you can block certain people from your stories. ie relatives
I don’t really care what people post as long as some women with oversized wagons post booty pics in Mexico to show how cultured they are
Ah Cancun, the capital of taste and class.
#Wanderlust
Don’t forget about every aspiring instagram model who travels to Miami and posts beach pics for 6 months
~*~TaKe mE bAcK~*~
Recently went all in at a wedding on Boomerangs. Woke up and deleted immediately. Shameful.
Not related to this comment or article, but why is the Podcasts section include only Touching Base? What if I want to browse episodes for other Grandex pods from this site?
Probably not the reason, but you can tell the TB boys are butthurt over the success of RBP
It’s because Ross doesn’t put RBP on YouTube and the podcast section of the app is built for that format. If you want ’em, chirp the hosts of the podcasts you listen to and it’ll happen.
5. Putting the poll in the center of the screen so as I’m rapid clicking through your boring ass life I accidentally click something and you think I care.
A Duda article I totally agree with. Also could add commenting on famous people’s instagram posts as if they’re your friend.
On the other hand, I do love commenting on big sports network posts reminding people that Kobe Bryant raped a chick
#8 was a rapist, #24 was just a good ball player
I mean, she invited him up to her hotel room and had three other dudes’ jizz in her underwear. Let’s not throw out that accuse so carelessly.
^ the exact reaction I look for
I’d really like to know the thought process of dudes who comment on Instagram models pictures with some weird shit like, “You’re beautiful inside and out, babe *heart eyes emoji*.”
I assume its the same thought process as all the foreign guys who comment shit like “send bobs and vagene”
Also the ladies who comment “YAAAASSS QUEEN *heart eye emoji*”.
what’s even worse is the girls who reply to every single one to double the number of comments
I only did to Post Malone for 5 months because he delayed his album release and I needed him to know how much that hurt me.
Currently obsessed
Capital S, capital U, capital P
I’m 99% sure this is just a plug for your instagram. Well played.
Can we include gender reveal videos to this as well? Absolutely cringe-worthy to watch some poor chap hit a baseball, golf ball, etc and see pink dust fly everywhere.
“Congrats, your child is gender non-conforming and will live in a constant state of utter fear and confusion for the rest of it’s life” lol
I think this is more of an overall internet trend that must be exterminated.
As a new-ish father I fully realize that you care as much about my kid as I care about yours. Zero. (So long as they’re happy and healthy.)
Ol’ tip toes didn’t cut the list.
@micah
The day I learned you could mute people’s Instagram stories was a life changing day
WHAT
Please explain
Whenever someone has a story posted, hold down on the story and at the bottom a screen will pop up saying either view profile or mute
You’re doing the Lord’s work here.
This isn’t proven, but I think it also moves them down in your algorithm so they don’t show up on your feed as often.
@Duda having legitimately the single most punchable face in the United States of America