======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
I apologize for taking a week off. I threw in a bonus question because of it.
Hey Dillon,
Got a classic wedding question to throw your way. The back story on this is that my boyfriend’s friend (and let me clarify, not a super close friend but they run in the same social circle) invited us and two of our other couple friends to their destination wedding in the Keys. And when I say Keys, I mean the closest airport is 2 hours away so we have to rent a car to get to the resort. The resort runs about $450 a night, and we’ve still got drinks and food on top of this already exorbitant cost. My question is, what’s the least amount of money we can spend on a wedding gift? And how tacky is it to make this from all three couples? Because, I mean, cmonnnnnnnnnn.
Let me answer your question with a question: Why are you even going? If I’m dropping two to three grand on what is essentially a vacation that is planned for me, those people will have to mean a whole hell of a lot to me. Close friends or family only. Someone who I’d describe as merely “in my circle” wouldn’t qualify. And honestly, they may not even be expecting you to commit. It’s just a lot to ask of someone.
A group gift in this situation is more than fine. You’re already going above and beyond just showing up. Have everyone pitch in for a $100 gift. Something like that. That’s a drop in the bucket when you’re already dipping into your savings on a vacation that they planned for you.
Hi Dillon!
Kink shaming isn’t cool anymore. So, here I am: I’m a woman and I want a man to come on my face. I met a guy and we’ve hooked up. He doesn’t want to come on my face. He said that he’s afraid of getting it in my eyes. But couldn’t I close my eyes?
Do you think I can convince him? It’s possible that he wants to, but is hesitant about expressing that. Or, maybe he genuinely doesn’t want to. I guess I could just respect his desires, but I find myself wondering if he’s being completely honest with me or not.
Please keep me anonymous.
Well, here’s a question I did not see coming.
I always keep it one hundred with you guys, and I have no intention of “kink shaming” you, but I have to be honest here: This would weird me out big time. I thought this only happened on porn sets, not behind closed doors with real people. Different strokes for different folks, I get that, but damn I just could not get into that I don’t think.
For me, it’s not about fear of getting it in your eyes — I’m pretty sure that’s not your guy’s real reason, by the way — it’s that it’s super degrading. That’s your face, dude. I stare at that thing when I’m talking to you. Not trying to picture it covered in my stuff. There would have to be a deep level of trust and love going on for me to even let the idea of that in the door. And even then, it’s probably a no for me.
He probably genuinely doesn’t want to do it, but if it’s something you’d like to get to the bottom of and get a real answer out of him, bring it up when you’re A) sober, and B) sex isn’t imminent. Bring it up on the way to the store or something. Or during lunch. Be matter of fact about it and I bet he hits you with the truth.
Dillon,
Thanks for doing this, I think this helps a ton of people. Anyways, I have a question for you. I was seeing this girl – we’ll call her Jennifer – for a while (less than months) and things were going great but we had to go our separate as we both saw ourselves getting into something serious right when we were/are planning on moving to different cities. I’ve been seeing other girls casually since then but man, I still compare them to Jennifer and can’t quite get over her.
It’s been over half a year and I’ve never ever had this issue before. Am I crazy? Should I delete all social media/personal contact with her? I’ve only contacted her once for a birthday and “hope you’re doing well” text. My perspective is that there could be a possibility of something way down the road and therefore should just continue doing what I’m doing, but nothing has quite gotten her out of my head. Hope you can provide some reassurance and/or candid advice. Thanks.
You’re not crazy, sir. You caught feelings. It happens to everyone.
In my experience, the only tried and true way to get over someone is to let time pass. The shitty part? It obviously doesn’t happen right away, and it can even take a long time. But the good news is time is undefeated. The “get over someone by getting under someone else” method is just a temporary fix, so keep that in mind when your boys inevitably tell you to try that.
But why close the door with this chick? You like her a lot. Maybe she likes you a lot, too? Circumstances have you guys going down different paths right now, but, even as you said, that doesn’t mean something can’t happen in the future between the two of you. Maybe leave that door cracked open some.
I say keep in very casual and infrequent contact with her, as you’ve been doing. Just enough to keep yourself on her radar. Circumstances might change, and if they do, you should probably act on these feelings you have, hombre.
Ayeee Dillion,
Ok so quick question. I met this guy in my graduate program last year and we really hit it off but I wasn’t in the head space to date anyone at the time. He would contact me all the time and always ask to hang out but I would always end up blowing him off. Anyways, over the last 2 months he’s started to txt me again but very sparingly. He’s also called me a handful of times and we’ve had pretty great convos for hours at a time. However, it never leads to anything else. He hasn’t mentioned hanging out at all.
I know I blew him off before but this time I’m really interested in seeing where it goes but I feel like I kinda blew my chances. I’m not the type of gal who ever asks a guy out or makes the first move so I’m so unsure as to how to go about this.
Any advice that doesn’t involve me shooting my shot and landing flat on my face?
Much appreciated!
If you’re texting him and having multiple hour-long phone conversations, why would you think you blew your chances with him? Seems like the opposite to me. Guess how many guys walking this earth are engaged in that much communication with someone they aren’t interested in hanging out with. The answer is zero.
My guess is it’s not leading to anything else because you have a record of turning him down and he doesn’t want it to happen again and ruin the momentum you two have going. It’s time you move past the “I’m not the type of girl” to take the initiative thing. Girls are out here in 2018 making moves. They’re asking guys out now, and guess what — it’s not weird. It’s even pretty cool. And attractive.
I guarantee you he’s going to say yes.
Sup Dill Pickle,
Do you have any advice for someone who’s been out of the dating game for a while? I got out of my first serious relationship (dated her for almost 3 years) back in the Fall and haven’t really tried getting back on the scene yet. I feel ready to get out there, I just don’t know the first thing about dating anymore at this point.
Thanks,
Small (not unattractive) fish in a big sea
Congrats on being not unattractive. That always helps. Also congrats on getting past whatever it was that was keeping you from getting out there. I know that can be an uphill challenge.
The best way to get back out there is to leave the crib whenever you can. Just be active. Not just going out to bars, but lunches and dinners with friends, beer league softball, exercise, any outdoorsy type shit — they’re all fun but they’re also opportunities to run into single ladies who are into not unattractive guys.
There’s also Bumble/Hinge/whichever dating app is hot right now. There isn’t a stigma with hopping on there anymore because pretty much everyone does it. They worrrrrrk.
Hey!
Wanted to throw out this quick dating question to see what your thoughts (and other people’s thoughts) are about this.
I’m recently getting back into the dating scene after getting out of a realllly long relationship. I went on a first date with this guy last week, and we grabbed a couple of drinks each. He picked up the tab- which I was expecting on the first date- and obviously thanked him for it. We actually got some food after, but we both paid for our own.
We went on a second date to some restaurant I suggested, and we each got a drink and some food- probably totaled to around $50 for the two of us.
The waiter brings over the check, and neither of us say anything. At this point, it wasn’t like we were so engrossed in conversation to not notice it. So about a minute goes by without him saying anything, so I ask him if he wants to split the check to which he said: “yeah that works”.
Obviously, it was fine, I just kind of assumed he would at least offer- and if he had, I would have probably still offered to split. I understand $50 isn’t necessarily suuuuper cheap, but still. It kind of bothered me that he didn’t say anything at all. Am I in the wrong for that?
I guess the question is- how many dates will guys usually pay for when first going out? Or is really the first date the only one? Curious what people think/do for this.
Thaaaaaanks !
That’s a brokeboy move. Specifically, the not making a move for the check until you mentioned it. Splitting on a second date is too soon, but it’s not so far out of bounds that you should completely write the guy off. However, intentionally not making a move for the check or mentioning the check for one long, awkward minute is totally unacceptable. It gives off the vibe that he was expecting you to pay the tab fully, and that’s not okay. He was likely disappointed that you stuck him with half of it. Brokeboy.
I’m all for progressiveness in 2018 if that’s your thing, but this shit shouldn’t fly.
I think girls should, at some point, pick up dinner or drinks for their man. Or offer to split the check at least. It’s not on a second date, though. It should happen when the “trying to impress” phase has passed, when you two are more comfortable around each other.
Hey Dillon,
Last weekend I visited Big Bend with a group of pals – new and old. This was my 5th time visiting the park and each time is a new adventure and experience.
One of the many experiences was a horseback ride through Terlingua. Our wrangler, Kellie, a real West Texas Cowgirl, had a practice pairing the rider to the horse. She would chat with each rider for about 3 minutes asking a mix of questions related to horse-riding experience and general Qs.
With that said, she paired me with Geronimo. He’s notorious for keeping weight on and sauntering at his own pace, and stopping along the trail to snack. He’s been riding with Kellie for 15 years, she said Geronimo is one of the most reliable and sturdy horses if you can just get past that, at times, he is just going to do his own thing. I’d like to say she paired correctly.
Did you know that Creative Circle also has a best practice of pairing the right candidates with clients? We meet with each of our candidates and ideally try to meet with our clients or at least have conversations related to culture, personality and experience! I call and email you because I have selected each of you on my own.
No one tells me to target you, it’s my choice! I’d really welcome an opportunity to start or continue conversations, whether they are 5 minutes over the phone or 20 minutes in person. How can Creative Circle and myself be your Geronimo?
It took me until the fourth paragraph of this email to realize it wasn’t a Mailbag question. The subject line was simply “Geronimo.” You start on a story about an overweight, sauntering, free-spirited horse named Geronimo and I’m hooked 10 times out of 10.
I’m starting to think Geronimo isn’t even fucking real. I’ve been hoodwinked by a damn impressive cold solicitation email. Well done..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Wedding: don’t go.
Guy who moved: is a long distance romance not possible?
Grad program: he’s interested. Why don’t you propose meeting up since you kept initially blowing him off? Could be a good indicator for him.
Check splitter: At the very least I feel he should offer. Second date is way to early to be splitting meals or rotating who pays, in my opinion.
Horse guy: Geronimo sounds like an absolute unit.
Kinky lady: sup
E&D with another perfect set of “Sent from my iPhone” responses to the mailbag.
You have upper management written all over you.
Long distance romance is never possible. Been there, tried, failed. Don’t waste your time.
That last email/question killed me.
I was waiting for the person to say they wanted to hook up with the wrangler, Kellie, or that they stole the horse. But I was also bamboozled.
Did that guy who left his pullover, that his grandfather gave him, at a girl’s place who ghosted him ever get his pullover back?
You’re a sking the important questions.
We need a follow up mailbag submission asap
If the woman wants her mug glazed, what kind of person would I be to deny her of that happiness?
Gonna name my next band Glazed Mug
That’s a great point, Silky
To the girl who wants the guy to come on her face, I agree with Dillon on when to have the conversation – sober, and when sex isn’t imminent. But I think if you tell him why you want him to do it and why it turns you on and what not he should be more open to it. I wonder if maybe he thinks you’re saying it because you want to sound cool? Idk tell him how much it turns you on and why you like the idea of it.. #nokinkshaming2k18
cosign
Agreed. I love rough sex and have definitely had similar convos. He’s probably being hesitant out of respect for you. Let him know you appreciate the concern over cum in your eyes and that, by asking for this, you understand there are risks and are cool with them. It’s mostly water anyway
Sup?
Your Mailbag Series has really come a long way.
hey thanks
I….see what you did there.
Grad program: I had a huge crush on a woman in law school, and asked her out twice. After the second rejection, I stopped asking, because I knew that any further invitations might be interpreted as harassment. I’d say there is a decent chance this is what he’s thinking too. So you are going to have to pull the trigger.
Why is this getting down-voted?? The world would be a better place if more men were this respectful.
Also, depending on how you feel about it, tell him why you weren’t in the right “headspace” when he first started asking you out and he should be quite understand. As someone who wasn’t in the right headspace to be dating for 2ish years, once I felt comfortable enough to start again and explained why to a female counterpart who had showed interest in the past but I’d always deflected she was quite understanding and willing to give me a shot
@facial girl probably just blew that dudes mind when she asked for something he thought existed only in porn world
I might be in the minority here, but if I recommend a place for a date I usually assume that mean I’m paying.
Nah, a girl recently asked me out on a date (shoutout to girls shooting their shot in 2018….also #humblebrag) and there is no way I would’ve let her pay. I’m not comfortable having a girl pay for anything on a date until a little while after the “trying to impress” stage has passed, like Dillon the Most said. Buying a round of drinks here and there at a bar is fine in the earlier stages of a relationship, but not full-on meals.
as a guy, I’ve had numerous girls ask me out and suggest overpriced restaurants ($50 isn’t that much) or activities I didn’t even want to go to. I am happy to split but there is 0 % chance I would pay the full thing if she suggested
I’m with you on at least half. If we’re making mutual plans, cut it in half. If one of the parties suggests a place 1) if you’re the guy you know what you’re getting into 2) if you’re the girl you shouldn’t suggest an expensive place ($50 to me is not expensive for a “nice” place) you should expect to AT LEAST pay half. Side note: when are we going to get beyond the “trying to impress” girls stage by picking up tabs? Are you that ugly that you need to impress them buying asserting dominance over a check? Genuinely curious because if your “manhood” is bruised by a girl picking up a check you’re a huge bitch.
You hit the nail on the head; I am both ugly as shit and a huge bitch.
I legitimately didn’t realize men would be offended if I split the check with them. I guess the reason I don’t have a lot of second dates is starting to make sense
It’s not offensive to split the check on the first date but it can put off the vibe of “I don’t want you to feel financially invested in this because I’m not really feeling you.” … Obviously how the conversation and overall date goes outweighs the splitting of the check but it puts off a vibe.
I’m shocked they let you split
I’m wondering if this is a situation where he asked her out and asked where she wanted to go. That sounds more reasonable than her texting him to ask him out, suggesting a place, and expecting him to pay.
Regardless, he’s a cheapskate. $50 for dinner and drinks for 2 people is not at all expensive and he should not have let her pay for half. It’s too early in the dating game for that nonsense.
Agreed. I came here to say the same thing. If you suggest a restaurant or activity, you should expect pay.
*expect to pay
Poor guy just trying to cut his losses.
That’s what I suspected. Cut him loose.
Oops that was meant for the OP below.
OP check splitter here! The guy was relatively new to town so when I asked him if he had a place in mind, he said he didn’t know and that I should choose a good spot.
Kink Girl- thats 100% my biggest fetish, if my SO asked me to do that I wouldn’t think twice. Different strokes for different folks.