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“Babe, I’ve said I’m sorry,” Todd said for what felt like the hundredth time. “I was just in a mood and didn’t want to deal with anything on Saturday.”
She sat at their kitchen island with her arms crossed, seemingly unwilling to have more conversation about it. It had been a cloud that hovered over their heads for the last few days. With a large project in the works, Todd had been working longer-than-normal hours which hadn’t given them the much-needed personal time required to get over an argument.
“Seriously, what can I do?” Todd pleaded.
Turning her head toward him, she simply said, “If you don’t know what to do, that’s an even bigger problem.”
Todd approached her and put his hand on her back.
“I just have a lot on my plate right now,” she confided. “I’m super overwhelmed — with our argument, next week’s meeting with the wedding planner, Katie and Caroline both down my neck hoping to be the Maid of Honor – I just feel like I don’t know which way is up anymore.”
“It’s all going to be okay,” Todd assured her. “Tell you what — why don’t we go on a nice date on Friday? Just me, you, whatever restaurant you want. We can cut out everything else and just enjoy our time together. Yeah?”
She looked up at him with near-tears in her eyes. “Yeah,” she said sullenly. “That sounds nice.”
“I can make us a reservation at Oak & Vine. We haven’t been there in months.”
She turned with a smile that Todd had rightfully thought was for his restaurant recommendation, but he soon would realize was for something else.
“I have an idea,” she said, now with a smile. “Why don’t we invite Claire and Tom? You know, that couple from the cooking class?”
Todd ran the idea through his head. Did he really want to spend his Friday night with a couple they’d only met just the one time? Did he feel like making forced conversation with them? Tom didn’t put out the vibe of someone who shared Todd’s interests, and Claire seemed cool beyond her years if their interactions at the class were any indication.
He hesitated. “I mean…” he stuttered.
“Come on, Todd!” she pressured. “It will be fun! They are totally different than everyone else we hang out with.”
He attempted to figure out a way to get out of it in the split second of time he had, but was interrupted when she pulled out her phone and shoved it in his face.
“Here,” she pointed. “Just look at her Instagram. I was stalking them the other day and they are way cooler than us — she has, like, 16K followers and he plays in a jazz trio at The Blue Room every Monday. It would be so fun to hang out with a different crowd for once!”
Unable to figure out a nice way to turn down her idea — and desperate to make things right after Saturday’s debacle — Todd finally relinquished.
“Okay,” he told her before kissing her on the cheek. “I’ll make a reservation for four.”
Her hand trembled over her phone. In her experience, making new friends after college was more difficult than pretty much anything else. Like with living in any big city, you get stuck in a rut hanging out with the same crowd you were familiar with in college. It seemed to be the same old song week-in and week-out: brunch, day drink, Sunday Scaries, drone through the week, repeat. A simple friendship with a new couple could change all of that.
Finally, she began drafting her message.
“Hey! Remember me?” she started.
“Ugh, that sounds so stupid.”
“Hey, hi, hello!” she typed.
“Okay, that sounds even fucking worse,” she thought.
Would starting with “Bonjour” sound too pretentious? Well, probably. “How the hell do people start conversations these days?” she wondered. She hadn’t felt this much pressure to text somebody since her initial communication with Todd over Hinge.
Finally, she threw caution to the wind and crafted a message that she thought would be *acceptable*.
“Heyyy, remember me? Todd and I were talking about going to Oak & Vine for dinner on Friday night if you and Tom wanted to join! I know it’s short notice but I’ve been meaning to catch up since we made those yummy donuts together at cooking class. Just let me know, no pressure either way.”
Taking a deep breath, she pressed send and put herself in the text purgatory that she hadn’t felt since being single. Texting Todd to let him know that she had reached out, Todd quickly responded letting her know that he had made a reservation for 8:15. “That’s all they had,” he told her. “They were booked solid all night but someone cancelled.”
*ding*
It was her. Unsure if she still had Read Receipts on, she pulled her finger down from the top of her phone to reveal at least the beginning of Claire’s message without showing that she opened it.
“Hey you!” it began.
“Dammit, why didn’t I think of using ‘hey you’ when I sent my message?”
“That sounds amazing! Tom and I just went there last week it was divine,” her message continued. With the good news in her pocket, she decided to go all-in and open the message — Read Receipts on or not.
“We’re open all night,” the message went on, “so just let us know what time you two were thinking and we can get together.”
A wave of relief washed over her despite it being all of a four-minute ordeal. “Alright,” she began texting to Todd. “They’re in.”
Now for the real stresses. What was she going to order? Champagne or red wine? Fish or chicken? A vegan option? But most importantly, what was she going to wear?
“What’re we getting into this weekend?”
It was literally the last message Todd wanted to receive from John. Not just because he had to tell John that anything he wanted to do on Friday night was off the table, but also because Todd didn’t want to admit that they were going to dinner with a hipster couple that they had met at a cooking class.
“Ughhhh,” Todd typed back, “we’re going to dinner with that couple I told you about from the cooking class.”
Sarcastically, John responded, “Oh, alright, man, I see how it is.”
“I’ll let you know if we do anything after,” Todd relayed, well-knowing that there was no way they were going to meet up after.
“What were their names again?” John followed up.
“Tom and Claire.”
“Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaire,” John immediately shot back.
“No,” Todd responded. “Not that Claire.” .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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“I have so much on my plate right now”
Lmao she sucks.
It’s sooo hard when you don’t work, you don’t have to worry about money, don’t have to plan anything. Give me a fucking break.
And on top of that, her dad is probably claiming her as a dependant so Todd doesnt even get the tax deduction
She’s not in school and too old to be claimed as a dependent.
Source: Me (tax accountant)
She’s can’t be claimed as a dependent child, but she might be able to be claimed as a qualifying resident
Source: Me (CPA)
Sorry qualifying relative
And that’s why you get paid the big bucks.. touche
As long as George is actually still providing more than half her support at this point. With Todd paying rent and paying for a lot of meals, that might not be the case. Plus, it’s a moot point after this tax season anyway since the personal exemption is gone.
Final verdict: Girl sucks and everyone should get paid for having to deal with her.
What tax break would Todd get? And in George’s defense, he’s covering most of the credit cards not Todd
She doesn’t work, but drones through the week and gets the Sunday Scaries. No sympathy at all.
And she completely glosses over the fact that he is the one working on the big project! He’s the one that actually has a lot on his plate! Fuckin’ A, she must think it’s opposite day.
“How the hell do people start conversations these days?” she wondered.
This may be the first (and only?) time I’ve ever identified with Girl on something.
Was just coming here to write this same thing. Making new friends is hard
I just let drunk me start the conversations. It’s really hit or miss.
The fact that you look like Tay Swift should be a solid conversation starter.
Oh… I see. Sorry I’m stupid .
I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I am actually TSwift
I love Taylor Swift’s cat too… Sup
TGDAG: Swing.
Lmao this is what I see coming as well. At least Todd would finally bag a Claire tbh
I’ve got 15/1 odds on Claire being Maid of Honor
“Everyone, meet Claire! Her and I have really gotten to know each other the past 12 hours, and well, say hellooooo to my MOH!!”
I could totally see her doing that to fuck over Caroline though.
“If you don’t know what to do, that’s an even bigger problem.” is the biggest bullshit phrase ever. flashback city.
We need the real Claire. NEED HER.
Girl will probably get drunk at dinner, remember the REAL Claire, and things will devolve into a massive fight about the past after dinner…just in time for the Derby
Eh not really, she kinda sucked last time we saw her at the Derby reunion with her boyfriend
…shouldn’t you be out getting coffee?
Boom. ROASTED. <see what I did there?
New level of bitch move by turning Todd’s apology dinner date into a double date. I also picture Claire as very edgy but very hot and I hope to one day see a TGDG “group sex” with these new friends, just for the fallout from Girl the next day.
TGDAG: Accidentally organize an orgy
Will does have a very storied past in writing Erotic Literature. I second this thread.
I’m no literary blogger scholar, but the name Claire does have a symbolic element of temptation for Todd. Can’t wait
Its almost Derby time
Wow, Girl acting worse than Crazy Joe Biden right now. Thinking she has a lot on her plate with wedding planning and trying to act like a tough guy to Todd after silly argument. Actually, she is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet she is passive aggressive with Todd, crying all the way, to get him to take her on expensive dates. These kind of tactics are used by Democrats like Cryin’ Chuck Schumer all the time, but they will never work on Trump – Too smart! Hopefully these two can keep it together in front of Claire and Tom. Maybe date will go well. Hopefully as well as Xi Jingping’s meeting with Kim Jong Un went last night. Now Rocket man looks forward to his meeting with me. Big Praise!
The way I read “Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaire” in my head made this whole article worth dealing with Girl’s nonsense.