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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
D-Money,
Love your content around here. I come to you a troubled man trying to abide by the “we are shooting our shots in 2018” policy.
I’ve got a lady who I’ve had a handful of casual, friendly conversations with in the past, but haven’t seen in person in 6 months. Last time I saw her was at a wedding where I foolishly failed to lock down the number after she pulled a sneaky early exit. However, we follow each other on all social media platforms and like each other’s posts, etc.
I recently acquired her number through a mutual friend but said mutual friend didn’t inform the girl that she gave me her number, which leads to my question:
Is this number fair game to use or is it creepy as hell? I am legitimately trying to date this chick and I feel like DMs give off hook-up vibes, so it seems like this Hail Mary text is my only option.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks, King.
We live in a digital age, my friend. All of the above are on the table, and there’s nothing creepy about any of it.
Just preface the conversation with “So I got your number from Sarah” and you’re all good. She’ll think nothing of it, especially since A) you’ve already met and hung out in person, and B) you’ve been following each other on social media.
Now, let me talk for a minute about the DM situation. DMing is an accepted method of reaching out as long as you frame it the right way. And you know what, sometimes it’s the only way of reaching out. The only avenue of connecting to someone. At the end of the day, it’s just another form of communication. And since social media is so prevalent in 2018, it’s very common for people to reach out initially via direct message. Normal. Common. Accepted. Once you’re in the DM, quickly move it to text message. Lingering in there gives off the vibe that you’re being secretive.
If it’s your only way of establishing a dialogue, unashamedly throw a DM out there.
Hey Dillon,
So I had kind of a weird situation happen to me while I was out at a bar over the weekend thats been irking me and I just wanted to get another opinion… It was one of my friends birthday and I went out with her and her friends. One of the other girls starts asking what kind of shot everyone prefers between two. Then she’s like great let’s do it. So she’s about to get up from the table and says “okay can I grab $6 from everyone?” and I was a little taken back.
One one hand, it’s not like I expect anyone to pay for me, but on the other hand it was her idea. Was her asking for money a faux pas or am I just overreacting?
Ughhhhh. That’s a certifiable trash move. She should be ashamed of herself and exiled from the group. Anyone with a working brain and an ounce of social sense knows that if you bring up shots in that setting and subsequently order them for the group, YOU are throwing down the plastic for them. That’s Bar Going 101. I hate this chick. HATE her.
Look, if I’m going to buy my own drink with my own money, I will be deciding what I’ll be drinking. Not you, Melissa. You stupid idiot. And who even orders shots for themselves because they enjoy them anyway? Alcoholics in movies who sit alone in near empty bars. They are the only ones.
I didn’t even want the shot to begin with, so if I am drinking it because of your doing, you are paying for it. Bottom line.
Dillon –
Big fan of PGP, first time mailbag submitter. A few weeks ago and within two/three days I met two separate girls – one a bumble date, the other at a bar. Since then I’ve hit it off with both girls and have gone on three/four dates with each and have plans to keep seeing both. Each girl seems to be as equally into me as I am into her and I genuinely think both are awesome. At what point do I need to stop seeing one of the two? Also I figure honesty is the best course of action when it comes time to break it off with one, but maybe not? Something along the lines of: “Hey I met someone else and she wants to be exclusive.”
Unless there is a discussion with either of them about going exclusive (because that would be the time to be exclusive, obviously), I think it’s time to end it with one of them when sex happens. You’re three to four dates in with each of them, you say. Has sex happened yet? Because it’s the time in the dating timeline that sex usually happens. Are you sleeping with one of them? Both of them? Neither or them? This is important information.
I think it’s a good rule that you only sleep with one person at a time, or, if you’re sleeping with multiple, they each know about the others. It just seems right to me. It’s fair.
And yeah, honesty is obviously the best policy here.
Hey Dillon,
I’m in a weird position right now. I’ve been wanting a dog for a long time, I never had one growing up and it’s just one of those childhood dream things I’ve been wanting to fulfill for myself. Long story short, a friend of a friend had a 6 month old puppy he couldn’t take care of and I just couldn’t say no.
Unfortunately, as it turns out, the previous owner left out a lot of information/was dishonest about many things about the dog such as details about the breed and major health issues. So now me and my brand new pup are facing some serious surgeries and hefty medical expenses and on top of the fact that she is barely crate trained or house broken, I’m going into panic mode.
I’ve already pulled from my savings to get her what she needs and hearing about these upcoming medical bills left me in tears at the vet’s this morning. The vet recommended a family she knows that’s looking to adopt if she’s too much for me… am I a terrible person for considering this? I’ve only had her a few weeks but had I known the state of her health I probably wouldn’t have taken her on in the first place and now I’m scared I’m in way over my head. Not to mention I’m single, work full time, and don’t have any family in the area to help out. This is the worst feeling ever… what do I do?
You’re in a tough spot and seem like a good kid, but don’t feel bad about considering giving the dog up. You didn’t know all you were signing up for — which is a LOT it sounds like — when adopting this dog, and you obviously had good intentions going in.
As I stated in a previous Mailbag, a good dog owner has adequate time and finances to dedicate to it. A good dog owner also does what’s in the dog’s best interest, even if it’s a difficult thing to do. In this case, the best thing for the dog is to go to an owner who is willing and prepared to properly care for it. You’re lucky because it sounds like you already have a good potential home for it. That’s key here.
Don’t beat yourself up over this. You tried to do a great thing, you were misled, and now you have the opportunity to give the dog a good life by rehoming it.
Hey Dillon,
Pretty new here so hopefully you haven’t already covered this one…
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year, and his family recently invited me to join them on a very nice European vacay this summer. My boyfriend just let me know that his parents have decided to even cover the airfare for me and his sister’s boyfriend, who is also joining. We’re all mid-20s.
I’m super grateful and excited, but immediately wondered whether it’s too generous of a gift to accept. I shared this with my boyfriend and insisted on paying my own airfare, but he kind of shrugged it off and told me not to worry about it.
Economically speaking, the cost is not a huge deal for his family. Of course I’ll be very gracious during the trip and even send some flowers or something afterwards, but I’m wondering… Should I at least offer to pay for my flight when I see his parents in person? Or should I just thank them and let it happen?
Thanks!
The move here is to offer to pay for your plane ticket in person exactly one time, with your least assertive tone possible. Just get on record having made the offer. Once they say they’d like to cover it, you DROP it. Drop. It. It’s risky if you’re persistent, because then they’ll start to wonder if you actually do want to cover the cost. And let’s be frank here: you do not.
Your work here is done. You accept that free vacay, airfare included, and you have the time of your life on their dime. Opportunities like this don’t come around too often. Live it the fuck up..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
The girl who asked for money for shots is an absolute trash human being
I read this as “the girl asking for money shots” and had to re read the mailbag to see if I missed something.
#Shootyourshot2018 taking an interesting turn here tonight.
Yes! How does she have friends? Has she ever been to a bar before? Ditch this person immediately. Don’t offer shots if you aren’t planning on buying.
You tell “let me order you a shot, but need you to pay for it” girl to fuck right off with that non-sense.
Totally agree with Dillon’s opinion for the girl who’s boyfriend’s parents are paying for vacation. If you feel REALLY bad and still want to contribute, pick up the tab at one of the dinners on the trip. I’m sure they’ll appreciate the gesture.
Also, definitely talk about splitting the potential meal with the sisters boyfriend. That way you don’t have the potential to unintentionally big time him and it lightens the financial load on you.
Was going to say this exactly. Get together with the sisters boyfriend and split dinner one night to show your appreciation.
Yeah this is the move to me. Offer to pay for some little stuff along the way
As someone who’s best friend’s parents are loaded and thus I get to go on awesome free vacations with them. This, this is what you do. Pay for a nice dinner or do an excursion. And say thank you a ton!
As a humble law student, I think the good person with the sick dog should sue the previous owner just for the sole reason that future law students in contracts could read a case about dogs
It’s a nice idea but I doubt you’ll be reading about a dog case from 2018. Law students will forever be learning of hairy hands, smokeballs, and ships named Peerless from the late 1800s.
Gotta love that old-timey court language.
What say we go toe-to-toe on bird law?
Bird law is not governed by reason
Ugh I wanted to say something mean to the dog re-homer until I read the predicament and Dillon is right. I’m sorry you and your pup didn’t work out, and I hope she gets the care she needs so she can live a happy and healthy life!
“And who even orders shots for themselves because they enjoy them anyway? Alcoholics in movies who sit alone in near empty bars. They are the only ones.”
*hand up*
Name checks out.
Personally, I’m all in on the one-time in-person offer to pay for airfare, then surprise your boyfriend’s parents by treating them to a nice meal one night while on the trip.
Aaand I posted this without seeing Bill Nye beat me to it
Are people still really waiting for an arbitrary number of dates before they have sex? Just do it when you’re both ready and want to, no matter how early or late in the process that is.
Honestly yes. I’ve always been someone who’s waited a while out of nerves that a guy wouldn’t respect me if I slept with him too early. The one time I decided not to make a big deal out of it and was ready on a 3rd date, the guy told me he couldn’t take me seriously anymore and I never heard from him again.
that is someone you don’t need in your life
I love you guys
That guy was a douche and it’s good that things ended sooner than later. Don’t mix correlation with causation from that one example; if a guy actually likes you and sees some future potential with you, having sex early on won’t drive him away.
If he really likes you before you have sex, he’ll still like you after regardless of when it happens. Sounds like that dude was just an ass.
I used to do that too but I actually think some guys will be relieved to know that you’re not following some premade script for dating. and it takes a lot of pressure off the situation to just have sex when you feel like it even when it’s early!
They should respect your confidence so just own whatever decision you make
#shootyourshot2018 guy, DM. Currently dating an old friend whose number I’ve had for years. But something she posted made me DM and we talked through there for about a month. There is nothing creepy about DM’s this day in age. Do recommend responding to a post, built-in ice breaker
I agree there’s nothing creepy about DMing, but a month seems a bit long in my opinion.. I would assume they were cheating if they went that long without getting my number
Nah this was an old friend who’s number I had. We were both very much aware of each other’s singleness. We tried txting for a bit but ended up just having two conversations at the same time, and for whatever reason the IG one was always better. Now that we’re dating it’s obviously all text but still. Never thought I would date some one by “sliding into their dm’s”.
On the flip side I’ve been talking to an old flame from college via IG DMs for months. Ended up texting him about something the other day only to discover he had deleted my number which just made me angry.
Did he say sorry, missjackson?
Are you for reeeeal?
Def DM. Texting when she didn’t give you her number is weird and way creepier than DM.
Totally disagree. If you have mutual friends it’s not weird. I just recently had a guy text me that he got my number from a friend. Just say “I got your number from XXX, hope that’s ok.” and you’re fine.
Why are the two different in levels of creepiness?
Because getting the number through a friend shows you didn’t have the courage to ask them yourself in person, whereas DM you were bold.
Personally I’d say get the number in person when you first meet- that is the least creepy move and best to set you up for success.
Still not following. They’re already friends on social media and have a mutual friend in common. It’s not like he googled her and found her number that way, he got it from her friend. This way just cuts to the chase and avoids the awkward DM chitchat before inevitably getting the number anyway.
My point is you ask then and there when you first met them, or in person in another encounter. This is the best path to success.
The longer you take to get the number and the more indirect you get it, even if it’s through friends, the harder uphill battle you have.
If you really like the person, have some confidence and go up and ask them. I don’t even think they should DM, but at least it’s more ballsy than going through friends like in high school.
If the boyfriend’s parents are paying for your airfare, pay for something of theirs while on vacay and then absolutely, positively, 100% handwrite and send them a thank you card when you all return. Girlfriend of the year type stuff. Congrats.
This. My ex used to get uncomfortable when my parents paid for shit but then I realIzed I felt the same way about hers doing so as well. Sounds like they have enough money for it not to be a huge deal, so money isn’t the object here. A token of appreciation will go far.