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Brace yourself, reader. I’m going to open this by bragging. And not even in an “attempting to pass it off as a humblebrag” kind of way. I’m just going to take a moment of your day to be unapologetically boasting about everything that’s been going on in my work-life.
In the past five months, I’ve overseen and officially launched a massive project at work that ended up being a key speaking note at a tech conference, got a substantial raise and worked in financial incentives into my new contract at EOY, paid off all of my credit cards and a personal loan with a bonus, and became the youngest partner in the company I work at. Life’s been absolutely insane since October. But hearing that I would be owning shares and having a seat at the partner table made all of the 50/60 hour weeks, the nights I would stay up until ridiculously late hours working with developers, and the hours-long meetings working out every detail completely, completely worth it.
For one of the first times in my life, I feel professionally stable. Some would even say, successful. Which is a word I’ve rarely felt comfortable attaching to myself. The trajectory of my career is undeniably strong and realizing you’ve achieved a certain level status level within your field, have a seat at the HBIC table, and there’s no sign of it slowing down? It’s overwhelmingly great.
[End bragging.]
The great philosopher of our time Carrie Bradshaw once said, “They say you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. So, let’s say you have two out of three, and they’re fabulous. Why do we let the one thing we don’t have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?”
Personally, I don’t think it always has to be the job+boyfriend+apartment combo. But I think it’s obvious in life that we’re always, in some way, looking for the up and up. The ideal equation is a job that’s flourishing, a relationship that’s strong, and a personal life that’s prosperous.
So I can’t help but wonder (another quip from the philosophy of Ms. Bradshaw, you’re welcome), why does it seem like when everything’s falling into place in one area of your life, that’s when it completely falls apart elsewhere?
While I’ve been navigating all of this up and up (and up and up and up) at work, two of my close friends were let go from their jobs completely unexpectedly. The person I’m seeing ended up moving 10 hours away for an indefinite period of time, and while we’re handling it, for now, we’re both realistic enough to realize that long distance is probably not going to be sustainable for too long. A longtime family friend was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and the likelihood is he probably won’t be around for much longer. And another friend had a series of health problems that resulted in a lot of scary tests, long drives to various specialists, and the eventual knowledge that they’ll be undergoing at least two surgeries in the next year.
And yes: I recognize that only one of those instances is something happening to me. I’m insanely fortunate to still have my health and stability and those things around me. And in the grand scheme of things, while LDRs can be really shitty, it’s not the end of the world. I will be okay.
But if the beginning of this was me bragging, this is the part where I say that it’s really hard to be feeling completely on top of the world in one very key aspect of your life, and then like everything is plummeting with the rest. Navigating your life when one aspect couldn’t be higher but the rest is in flux is kind of a recipe for feeling emotionally drained 99% of the time.
It’s hard to go from watching something you’ve been building for 8 months get released to the public, but then immediately go to your friend’s house to rage/cry with her after her former employer is trying to deny her unemployment. It’s hard to want to celebrate a raise with your favorite people, but instead, have to settle for calling the person you want to celebrate with because they’re 600 odd miles away. It’s hard to want to do things like day drink and book vacations but instead meet at a pathologist’s office because you’re someone’s emergency contact and the traveling is going to have to wait.
It’s hard to feel good about one thing, or even anything close to successful, when it feels like everything else is falling apart.
I’m not honestly sure where to go with this other than acknowledge that it’s hard, maybe talk to a therapist, and wake up to fight another day. Maybe all you really can do is put your head down and trudge through even though it feels exhausting to do so.
Maybe that’s all we can do when we run into an “it rains it pours” section of life. Wait until it’s not raining anymore.
Or maybe all I’ll get from this is being able to list “Has a proven record of not allowing her personal life to impact her professional” under “Partner at [Company]” on my resume.
Remains to be seen. .
Respond
60 hour work weeks sound absolutely brutal. I’ve long ago accepted that I’ll never make it too high up the corporate ladder because I’m not willing to give up an inch of the ‘life’ side when it comes to work/life balance.
“That’s what happens when you start doing well at work. Let me know when your entire life goes up in smoke, then it’s time for a promotion.”
Devil Wears Prada reference love it
The way I see it, and I try not to be negative, but life kind of sucks. For anyone and everyone. It just has a tendency to be unfair. Shitty things happen to great people, awful people seem to get away with everything… etc. I could go on. I think we work so hard trying to set ourselves up for greatness that when we face serious struggles in different areas in our lives, we think we caused it, or we wonder why the shitty things always happen to us. But I genuinely think that that is just how it is and instead of focusing on why these things suck, I try change it when I can, and when I can’t, I try to just appreciate the moments that don’t suck. When I’m killing it at work, I try to hold onto it inside and remind myself how lucky I am to have a job at all, let alone be good at it. When I meet a guy who actually seems to have good intentions, I try to enjoy it and not take it for granted. Not everything is, but a lot of great things are fleeing and I think that it’s important to learn to be someone who can take what’s handed to them and deal with it in the best or at least most productive way possible, and enjoy the hell out of the good stuff and the little things too. This is a perspective I’ve taken on over the last year or so and I’m obviously still working on it but believe it or not I’ve become a lot happier overall.
Also highly recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Definitely helps you see a different perspective and Mark Manson is a great writer.
Just finished that book, really helped me get through some tragedy in my life. Really provides a different perspective on shitty things in life.
Sup
Fuckin this. You absolutely hit the nail on the head.
Are you my PGP soulmate?
As a matter of fact, yes. I got a bottle of bourbon with our names written all over it so we can muse over our similar philosophical outlook.
Definitely second the reading of the book, has been life changing for me as well, and it’s definitely helped with everything that I have going on.
You have to think of these separate things in life as assets in a portfolio. All are impacted by the world and the General markets and as one or some rise to soaring heights, others will undoubtedly crash. That’s why it’s important to get those assets early (a good job you enjoy, someone to love, and a stable living situation) because life only gets more difficult over time. Give yourself time to enjoy each one separately instead of all at once. If you’ve found the right combination, think of them as buy and hold investments for the long haul no matter if one rises and others crash, they always seem to find a balance and a state of equilibrium after some time. Don’t waste time trying to short sell one of the three unless you become filthy rich because everyone knows that you can literally do whatever you want if you’re rich and even terrible things don’t matter that much because you can just take your yacht to some tropical ass island if life starts getting heavy lol
Sometimes it’s hard to take a step back and be grateful for the good things. I’ve been trying to get out of my soul sucking job for the past year, yet I’m torn because at least I’ve got a job in my field.
I’m the opposite.
I think I’m falling apart 24/7 while most people would categorize the situation as successful.
I think I feel the same way. Have a problem where is someone says good job or gives me a compliment I just feel like they are blowing smoke up my ass and I could’ve done better
“They think I’m simpleminded because I seem to be happy. Why shouldn’t I be happy? I have everything I ever wanted and more. Maybe I am simpleminded. Maybe that’s the key: simple” – God aka Dolly Parton