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Since I was young, I knew that as I got older, maintaining my physical fitness and my ability to compete athletically would become difficult. There are numerous studies out in the open on this topic. The general consensus concludes that men and women reach their physical peak between 25 and 30. To me, this seems about right… Although, ever since I discovered beer and started a desk job, it’s been a gradual, doooownward descent from my physical apex.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely hopeless. As I am aging, the ability to lose the spare tire, run at full speed, and hit my maxes while lifting–all things that I used to do ever so easily–have become difficult. What shocks me the most is that my maximum-potential-self existed only a few years ago.
(This is me coping with letting myself get out of shape.)
Anyway, for some crazy reason, I decided to sign up for a co-ed flag football league, and I’m probably going to die.
I probably haven’t run a route in three years–not since the last time I was in the league when I was, by the way, was 25 pounds lighter and a few seconds quicker version of myself. If I don’t tear my ACL immediately, I’m probably just going to lose slabs of flab from running fly routes while the girls on my team outrun me.
Fact of the matter is: it’s been too long for me to try to make cuts. Screw it, I can run in a straight line. Or be quarterback standing still and throwing the ball. Basically, Jared Lorenzen’s body shape with Blake Bortles’ pocket presence.
But it’s not necessarily offense that worries me. There’s no blocking, so if someone else gets the ball and I’m not nearby, the play is over for me. Defense will likely be a full series of running. I’m probably going to be subbing out more often than a 300-pound defensive lineman or else my ankle will be turned, my chest will explode, or my body will simply collapse. And there are few things more embarrassing than being burned, especially when you’re just over thirty going up against 23-year-old postgrads. But I guess it could be worse. They could be 38 and overweight.
The only bright side I have is that I have about a full month to get myself in shape for this great undertaking. That’s likely going to be an hour on the spin cycle or on the track a week, an hour in the weight room, and chicken cobb salads for every meal, but it’s far better than being embarrassed in public. I mean, as someone who used to be somewhat athletic, I can’t make it look like Pros vs. Joes out there. But, God, do I like pizza and naps. I probably should have picked a recreational sport more conducive to my current physical shape, like golf or seniors’ doubles. But maybe it’s good that I’ll be getting exercise in a fun way. As long as we don’t get sauced before the games like we used to. A few margaritas apparently limit your team’s upside… but, I digress.
Countdown: 30 days.
Willpower? Yeah, check.
A way? We’ll fuckin’ see..
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
@5OClockShadow_
You know, Mr. Shadow, it’s more about fun and feeling like part of a team again. I did the same thing a few years ago and on the outside I looked like a sad, pathetic, washed up looser…but on the inside….on the inside I felt alive again. Like I used to feel under the Friday night lights on a crisp fall evening. That’s what matters.
Just don’t be like the one douche I know who makes constant social media posts about his flag football team (with his game stats included) like it’s something anyone else cares about.
Completion percentage 69%
Also, if anyone is looking for a flag football QB to take your team to the next level…get @ me. I bring my own playbook and terrible attitude but we’ll be champions at the end of the season.
H-towner here who would be down to hop on a flag team as well. Tight end hands, with none of the size
My favorite postgrad sport is weekend coed kickball. I can be competitive in a relatively athletic league, but I can also drink there without much consequence.
I’m thinking about joining dodgeball, but it seems like the sort of sport that attracts too man try-hards.
Everyone knows that flipcup skills are the most important thing in a kickball league.
Can confirm, had a male teammate cry when we lost the championship two years ago.
Co-ed kickball is hands down the best move – weekday drinking thinly veiled as exercise. Volleyball is also pretty fun for the casual athlete, it just doesn’t really allow for mid-game drinking
If this football league is on grass, it would be wise to wear cleats. Just don’t be that guy who wears arm bands & gloves
Definitely wear cleats.
– The girl who broke her ankle playing flag football because she was not wearing cleats
If you’re playing receiver what’s wrong with wearing receiver gloves?
still have cutters from high school, and they are still sticky as hell.
Joined a mens rec basketball league in Houston two and a half years after I graduated – the first few weeks were rough but Tuesday your boy filled up the stat sheet and made me feel like the good old days.
Yes, the answer is yes. It will shatter your dreams.
I played competitive sports my entire life. I work out fairly regularly and try to stay in good shape. First game of flag football season this year I rupture my achilles, thus ending my physical prime. I’m 24…
my friends signed me up for coed soccer(haven’t played soccer since the 6th grade) and it was embarrassing how long it took in to the week to not feel like I was hit by a mack truck
Some advice from a fellow former footballer and receiver, don’t kill yourself running fly routes, and posts. They rarely come open in a decently competitive league where teams are smart enough to play zone correctly and not only do they require more effort on the route but then you have a farther jog/walk/limp back to the huddle.
As an Eagles fan I maintain that Lorenzen was the most effective QB on the Giants roster
Down vote me to oblivion, he threw no picks, converted every third down he played, and got a ring