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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dillon,
So I’m in a little bit of a bind right now. To preface the situation, my cousin, who is also my best friend, is dating my best guy friend. They’ve been dating for a little over a year and honestly seem to both be in it for the long haul.
However, last week I was swiping on tinder and came across his profile. At first, I just shrugged it off because I had seen him on tinder before they started dating and I figured he just deleted the app and not his profile, which I think is a common thing? (Or am I completely naive to believe that?) Anyways, after looking a little closer, I noticed some things in his profile that made it obvious that he had updated it within the past month or so. So this begs the question…what do I do?
If it was any other guy I would tell my cousin no questions asked, but they are both my best friends. I really don’t think he would ever actually cheat or anything, if anything I’ve always thought he was more invested in the relationship than she is, but why the hell was he on tinder? Is the move to give him a chance to explain himself first and then go to my cousin if I feel like I need to? Or do I just stay out of it and not say anything to either of them? I don’t want to take a side or get involved, but if this was my boyfriend on tinder I would want to know. I also don’t want to jump to conclusions and cause a problem. Help a girl out.
I don’t get this move, yet I hear about it pretty often.
Guys or girls who are in committed relationships are openly on Bumble/Tinder, where everyone can see them. Why? What’s the play here? Do you just want to know if you still got it, or are you actually following through on your matches? You are going to get caught, obviously because your profile is set to public. Dude is updating his profile, meaning he is actively using it. That’s not, uh, good.
Your move is to go to him with this knowledge. Tell him you know he’s on Tinder and give him a chance to explain why. Then you tell him that he now has to let his girlfriend know he’s on Tinder so you don’t have to do it for him. He put you in a shit position, so now he has to fix it.
Throw all this out the window if they’re collectively looking for a third in a ménage situation.
Dillon,
Short time reader, big fan. Really hoping this is a slow week for questions so there’s a chance my question gets answered. Ok, so right now I am not a post grad, I am actually a freshman in college. Last weekend the cops showed up at a party I was at and, being the dumbass I am, I jumped out of a third story window hoping to get away (yes please make fun of me for this, I 100% deserve it). Still got caught, got a drinking ticket, but that is in the process of being expunged. For my actual question, though, I received an alcohol misuse violation from the school which sadly will not be expunged and will stay on my student conduct record for the rest of my life. Is it appropriate for me to be freaking out right now? Am I overreacting? Do jobs even ask for your student conduct record? I attend a top 30 school right now and am excelling. I really hope a dumbass mistake from the third month of my college career wont screw up the rest of my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
That Freshman
Third story window?! Are you okay? Did you snap both femurs? Will you ever walk again? Holy shit that’s a long fall.
You are 100% okay here. No employer will give a shit about a minor alcohol violation you got in college, the environment in which 99% of underage people actively drink, and they definitely won’t ask you about it. Also, here’s another little secret: They don’t care about your GPA, either (in most fields).
The caveat here (I think) is a career in law or law enforcement. It could be a hurdle in these professions but I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t overcome.
Hey Dillon,
I have a little situation that I could use an opinion from a third party.
I used to bartend at a local bar. I ended up getting fired for a dumb reason (we did a speed test and I took too long. I was fired on the spot, in front of other people.) and I swore I would never go back and give them my money after being humiliated like that. I’m out of town this week and my boyfriend went to said bar. Don’t you think that’s sort of fucked up?
Thanks, happy thanksgiving
Hmmm. Was this a third strike situation? I tend to want to believe you weren’t exactly a model employee leading up to this point, because that is a BRUTAL way to be fired. I don’t know how this affects my answer but it does come to mind.
Deserved or not, I’m going to say that, yeah, it was sort of fucked up for your boyfriend to go to the bar that threw you out like yesterday’s newspaper in front of your team. That whole “your enemies are my enemies” stance of solidarity should apply here. I’d like to know if he warned you he was going beforehand because “all the guys want to go,” if he told you after he went, or if you found out from someone else/on social media that he was there. From the former to the latter, this ranges from not so bad to sort of bad.
Let’s not get carried away here, though. This isn’t that big of a deal. Maybe just hit him with a “You know, that was sort of fucked up” approach and hear the guy out before you fly off the handle. At the end of the day, he just went to a bar.
Sup Dillon.
With the holidays fast approaching, I’m mostly excited, but also dreading them a bit. The reason? I’m still single. I have an awesome, big family and a good group of cousins and their significant others who are some of my best friends, so the holidays are a lot of fun, but it’s still lonely and bums me out watching all of these couples enjoy the holidays together while I’m the single girl yet again.
So my question is, do you have any advice on getting through the holidays when you’re seemingly the only single person out there?
This is one of those questions I’m including so our awesome readers will chime in to give you tips. I’ve been “single” for exactly one holiday season in the past 10 years and even that was a weird one for me.
BUT, your group sounds like it’s as good as it gets for having a good time, so good for you. You’re a lucky one. Embrace being single, be proud of your current situation and who you are, and drink all the alcohol.
Hi am a 57 years old mail my girl walk out on me a few months ago now I am looking forward to meeting a new girl in my life the only problem is don’t really know were to start looking I have been on dating app difert one but they want money and a lot of them rip you off so were does a man start to look for a new girl one night or maybe more
Note: This is a real submission.
Your only solution here is to take advantage of the Black Friday steals on ManOutfitters.com that started yesterday. Start lookin like a snack with threads curated from the best men’s apparel brands available on the planet, and soon you’ll have hoes trippin on your toes. We’re talking discounts, man. Good deals and hot women. Think about it.
For guidance, read this.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU AND THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME AS FUCK!.
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
3rd story jumper – Gordon Bombay got a DUI and ended up coaching the gold medal USA hockey team in the junior goodwill games. You’ll be alright.
I think this might be the most inspirational comment ever written on this site. Thank you and Adam Banks will always be a traitor
Can’t remember the article but someone on here once wrote “Adam Banks in the streets and Dean Portman in the sheets” – been using that ever since.
Fuckin cake eater
Bombay was a Hawk
Putting Russ in cage to fire the knuckle puck might be the most brilliant coaching move in hockey history.
57 year old mail? Jesus, USPS, do your job!
Hah I legitimately just laughed out loud
You and me would get along just fine. Dad humor like you read about.
Reading PGP as a college freshman would just give me scaries for four years. That sounds awful
homeboy needs to switch back over to TFM
Have you been on TFM lately?
no… should I?
Only if you enjoy reading the literary equivalent of toilet water.
No. Better to just remember it the way it was.
Yeah it’s horrible, don’t wander over there anytime soon
Person who knows your best friend’s bf is actively on Tinder: he put you in one of the best situations you can be in, in a capitalistic country. This whole world is based on leverage. You have the upper hand, I suggest you utilize this opportunity. Black mail the living shit out of him and do it for monetary gain plus interest. You’re the bank in this scenario and you get to lend out security for even more money. Bankers are the biggest scumfucks in the universe and it pays to be a scumfuck. He’s just a dumb piece of shit and scumfucks have been bending over dumb pieces of shit ever since money became the sole reason why all of us dumb pieces of shit are still flailing around aimlessly trying to scrape by. You get what I’m sayin’?
This would be ruthless. A follow up conversation where the dude gets caught on tinder by someone else and then rats out the cousin for making him pay her to allow him to be on tinder would also be fantastic.
So basically we just wrote a movie script that needs to be pitched to Warner Brothers so we can become millionaires?
Can confirm.
Third story window is aggressive. Being an idiot in college was so fun.
aww that last submission made me kind of sad
To person with the drinking ticket: don’t sweat it. It’s college. Just accept it and move forward. I’m in law and I know a TON of attorneys who have similar shit and even DUIs on their record. Just remember. If asked, DONT hide it. Be honest, upfront, and most importantly show you’ve accepted responsibility, learned from it and grew. The people I know who have gotten screwed over by these things are the ones who try to hide it or lie, and then it’s discovered anyway. That makes it a bigger deal as it appears you hide things and are dishonest.
Chiming in with the other commenters saying 3rd story kid will be fine. People convicted of felonies have been allowed to practice law, so as long as you be honest and show you’ve learned from your mistakes, you’ll be ok no matter what.
Exactly. Hiding and omitting are bigger red flags than drinking in college.
Agreed. Attorney here. Many of my classmates had minor in possession of alcohol or related charges. They just had to “explain” or give a story to the bar. They were irresponsible, have grown up, etc. it’s fine!
Same boat, except my classmate was me. Multiple college infractions and a DIP, no problem with LS or the Bar
Yeah the only issue you’ll have for something like an alcohol violation is if you lie to the bar about it. If you just explain the circumstances, being a dumb college kid, it won’t impact your standing.
Or you can pivot hard into an industry that does not give a damn about previous convictions of this type I.e. tech.
Did not realize colleges have a conduct record unless you cheated, if so I feel like so many kids would be on that thing
Single girl: this is going to sound cliche as fuck, but the best thing you can do is better yourself. The holidays are only a few months a year, but being in a relationship is a 24/7/365 commitment. The best way to have a good relationship is by working on yourself and getting rid of all the negative crap that sinks relationships, which we all have to various degrees.
Some people take a while to realize what qualities they need to improve (see my earlier comment about myself), some realize it quickly, while some never realize it and find themselves divorced with two kids at 40. The sooner you figure out what you have to improve, the better you’ll be once you do find yourself with a significant other.
This! Found out the hard way and have been on a constant self-improvement tear recently, except for the occasional blackout.
I think they need to start with a remedial english class