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In antiquity, civilizations advanced in different geographies and with different rapidity, oftentimes in parallel yet unbeknownst to each other. Agriculture, oral traditions, the written word and a whole bunch of weird ways to put genitals into other genitals evolved with the progress of the host culture.
Cultural traditions evolved and grew as well, such as music. Of course, music needs performers, and those performers originally came in the form of buskers. Buskers (or street musicians, if you prefer) existed throughout antiquity, from the Forum to the canals of Kyoto. If you’ve been to any sort of city or town lately, you’ll know buskers still exist. They probably annoy the shit out of you.
Thankfully, a small enterprising company called Sony gave us the Walkman several decades ago, which allowed myopic denizens like us to shut out the world around us as we walked to and fro. This idea of piping sick jamz into our ears evolved with technology, and now everyone has a smartphone with all our favorite music applications and files safely tucked away in our pockets, keeping us safe from jackasses with accordions everywhere.
The influx of digital media has provided us with a wealth of resources, from iTunes to Pandora to Spotify. There are even some psychos who use Tidal. While I am a fan of these services and the practice of shutting out the world in general, I still prefer an analog form of music listening.
That’s right, I buy all my music on vinyl, and yes, that makes me better than you.
True audiophiles like myself understand the value of uncompressed sound. We know that the way to truly appreciate our artists is to hear every slight sound and reverb that can be lost in remastering and digital formatting. Chord progressions and unique instrument tuning only really come through in a form like vinyl.
Being a record collector also plugs me into the local economy. I’m not just talking about perusing craigslist for components, cables, receivers and speaker parts, then negotiating with perverts for them. I’m also talking about supporting the local businesses. People like to talk a big game about small businesses, but I’m out there walking the walk. Throwing hundreds of my sort of hard earned dollars into companies that only have one brick and mortar location provides the kind of self-satisfaction necessary to enhance the smugness I get when talking music.
And oh, that smugness. It’s magnificent. It’s thick and nourishing like an ointment I can rub all over my body while candles flicker and the turntable spins. Do you get anything like that from your Spotify subscription? NO. DIDN’T THINK SO.
Being holier-than-thou among the record collecting community goes many steps further – there’s plenty of friendly fire to go around. I recently got one-upped by someone who had the same Mogwai album, except HIS copy of Young Team was a special edition that only had 20 copies printed. Can’t compete with that. I also have been known to utter the phrase “Is that a Crosley? Pffft.” almost reflexively.
And before you idiots start in with the convenience of digital downloads, almost all vinyls come with a digital download code, so yeah, that box is checked too. I’m able to crank Fucked Up during my workout, then put the needle on the same album when I get home.
So what’s your excuse to not live the vinyl life? Lameness, probably..
Respond
Icehouse
International sailing champion and friend to most wolves. Except Larry, he knows what he did.
@PJHart
@hart__attack
pjhart84
Which Starbucks location are you a barista at? And do you prefer Vampire Weekend or Arcade Fire?
Corporate coffee and top 40?
Arcade Fire is leaps and bounds better than Vampire Weekend.
I’m aware. Those were the most hipster bands I could think of off the top of my head.
More of a Godspeed! You Black Emperor fan.
LCD Soundsystem is up there on shitty hipster bands
Kindly but firmly jump feet first into the nearest wood chipper.
Always buy my Fetty Wap records like this. You guys hear Trap Queen on vinyl? Incomparable.
This morning I listened to Taylor Swift into Coolio into Bon Jovi into Clapton into Tupac in a playlist. Hard to do that on vinyl.
Hard to do that and have someone take your opinion seriously, too.
What’s your setup look like? I’m running off of a JVC turntable, Onkyo reciever, pyle preamp and some Klipsch speakers. The speakers I’d highly recommend
I agree, nothing I like more than throwing on some Fleetwood Mac or The Eagles and really enjoying the music. However, it is possible to listen to vinyl and not be douchey, might want to work on that.
“I like vinyl and you do you, we’re all cool” won’t get clicks though.
Yeah, I guess I need to be more positive, working in an athletic dept will drain even the most optimistic man. I’ve worked 25 of the last 28 days because our school has had 4 home games in a row. I’m a shell of my normal self.
I only listen to Pink Floyd’s – Careful With That Ace Eugene on a continuous vinyl loop that has been pressed on sustainably sourced free ranged vinyl farms
I love these. Please turn this into a series
What that? The “… and That Makes Me Better Than You?” I too wouldn’t mind more along those lines.
Yup. Love me some good satire
This guy gets it.
Does anyone not?
Quite a few.
Is digital music worth playing on vinyl? I understood the draw of vinyl was recreating the warmness of music recorded on a microphone. Seems like digital recoding is digital sound however it comes out. Please enlighten me, oh ointmented one.
*insert jerk-off gif here*
I live vinyl as much as the next person, but I don’t think I’m better than anyone because of it. Sheesh.
I can’t imagine not getting the joke like this.
So much woosh.