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“Wait, are you seriously asking me this right now?” Todd responded, shell-shocked by what he’d just heard. “Like, you’re actually saying this to me?”
The air was tense from the second Todd walked into the apartment. So tense, in fact, that Sperry’s head rested firmly on the ground not wanting to move. Todd’s entrance wasn’t that of anger – he set his briefcase bag on the kitchen island and sat down on a barstool in a defeated manner. Exasperated from earlier events, a long day’s work, and the two drinks he was forced to have with a client before Ubering home.
The conversation quickly devolved to the last place he expected it to go. He figured she’d be sitting at the island waiting for him (she was) and he figured the conversation would be difficult (but not this difficult).
With a glass of wine in one hand and her forehead in the other, she said what he least expected – “I think we should take a break.”
They both knew the connotations around “taking a break.” Breaks, while a good idea in theory, are rarely enough time to clear the air and reprioritize. There’s a reason you can’t spell “breakup” without “break,” and Todd knew that.
He struggled to come up with questions to ask her regarding the logistics of the blunt plan she had thrown on him.
“I figured one of us could stay in Caroline and John’s guest bedroom until we sorted things out,” she explained. “And with Derby and our yoga retreat coming up, maybe this is a good time to clear our heads and blow off some steam rather than be at each other’s throats.”
Todd gulped. The plan, for all intents and purposes, made sense. It was no surprise to anyone that they’d been on the rocks lately. Todd figured that she’d had the same conversations with Caroline that he’d been having with John, albeit her conversations probably contained fewer groans and “fucks.”
“I…” he hesitated. “I guess that makes sense.”
Based on her reaction, he couldn’t tell if that was the answer she wanted to hear or if she wanted him to put up more of a fight. The long sip she took of her cab was telling and did nothing but create more tension in the air between them, this prompting Todd to continue.
“So,” he muttered, “Have you talked to Caroline?”
“Have you talked to John?” she shot back.
“No,” he laughed. “Why would I talk to John about temporarily living with him when you’re just now breaking up with me?”
“I’m not fucking breaking up with you, Todd,” she fired off. “We both just need some time to de-fucking-compress – do you disagree with that?”
Todd wiped his hand through his hair and let out an exasperated sigh. He knew the request from her for him to have already talked to John was unreasonable, but he also felt like the request to take a break made actual sense.
“I guess,” he started, “I guess I’ll talk to John.”
“No, no,” she interrupted, “I’ll talk to Caroline, it’s fine.”
“It doesn’t make sense for you to go there,” he explained. “With Sperry here and with you not having a job, it doesn’t make sense for you to be over there since I’ll be at work most of the day anyway.”
She nodded.
“And besides,” he continued, “We’re both leaving for a while next week anyway. If we need to change plans after we get back into town, we can change plans when we get back into town.”
Todd walked over to her opened bottle of wine and picked it up asking to have a glass. She nodded and the only noise across the entire apartment was Sperry readjusting on the ground followed by the pouring of liquid into the glass Todd pulled from the cupboard. Returning to his barstool, he saw her wipe her face.
“I hate this,” she told him. “I really fucking hate this, Todd.”
For a brief moment, he wondered, “Then why did you pitch the idea for this break in the first place?” But he thought back to their drunken arguments, tense Ubers, and every different page that had added up to the manuscript of their broken relationship. And rather than put up a fight, he took a deep breath and assured her, “We’ll work this out.”
She stood up and approached him. Setting his glass down, he put both arms around her and patted her head. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeated a few times before more silence fell on them. “I’m going to give John a call.”
“I’ll take Sperry for a walk,” she told him, reaching for Sperry’s leash. “I’ll be back in, like fifteen.”
She walked out the door and wiped under her eyes to make sure there wasn’t any mascara running from them. She lead Sperry to the elevator which seemingly took forever to reach their floor from the ground level. When she finally got in and pressed the button, she felt her phone begin to vibrate, hoping it was Todd.
It was Caroline.
“Hello?”
“Ummmmmmmmmm,” Caroline began the conversation. “Okay, first, why is John on the phone with Todd right now? And second, why did I hear John utter the words, ‘Yeah, you can stay here for a few days?'”
“Okay, okay,” she stopped Caroline. “Are they still on the phone? Can John hear you right now?”
“No, John stepped outside and got super awk the second they started talking. I’m sitting on my couch watching Friends in my pajamas wondering what the eff is going on.”
“I did what you said and told him we should take a break before the yoga retreat and Derby.”
“Uhhhh, that’s not what I said,” Caroline clarified. “I said you should sort things out, not tell your boyfriend to move in with me. Huge diff.”
And before she could respond, Caroline interjected again. “And besides, who goes on a ‘break’ with their boyfriend the week before he goes on a guy’s trip to The Kentucky Derby? Are you serious right now?” .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
What a complete MESS. Lightweight choker Todd totally surprised by Girl asking for break. Did one thing he couldn’t do. Talk about FITTING, very weak. PGP needs strong and committed character, not weak people like @JeffFlake. But the completely ineffective and cluessness Girl does it right before the Derby! – MISTAKE. Girl wants to force Todd’s hand and put pressure on with the very annoying Caroline’s advice: “you will lose me if you don’t get it together and propose.” WRONG! Have no fear, this ‘break’ will peter out just like crazy Bernie’s campaign movement, peter out.
I honestly think this is Donald Trump.
At risk of obtaining a few downvotes, this bit has run its course.
Okay @Rosie
Wait, Todd pays for the place, but he is the one who gets to couch surf out of this deal?
Glad I’m not the only one who thought this
yeah, I thought Todd got the place and she moves in with Caroline and John. It makes sense that way
I don’t think Todd can call himself a man anymore. This conversation with Girl should have ended with, “I need you and all of your stuff out of my apartment before I come home from work tomorrow.”
I get why he didn’t do that though. Mutual friends and all that shit, you don’t want to accidentally ruin John and Caroline’s relationship by going scorched earth on the protagonist, which means Todd and John will struggle to hang out without it affecting John’s sex life.
I’m reading way too into a fictional relationship. Someone save me, I’m so bored at work.
We shouldn’t be sidetracked by the great events that happened. Todd totally bitched out here.
As we all knew he would.
If she stayed with Caroline and John, John might make her get a job.
Lol you think Caroline is going to allow John to make her get a job after this devastating break (up)?
Things Girls Do After Graduation: Not understand why she’s being evicted
Obviously the saying “it’s cheaper to keep her” does not apply in the case of Girl.
99% sure her dad pays half…
also to be fair one of them staying at John and Caroline’s is an imposition, one of them plus Sperry is just rude
This should open things up for Claire at the Kentucky Derby…
I think Claire will be opening things up for Todd at the Kentucky Derby.
That’s what she said.
Congrats on the future sex Todd.
Claire has my blessing
Thanks Jesus
Someone appreciates what I do, finally.
I thought we all did
She was immaculately conceived, so she gets special blessings.
Me and my girlfriend have been taking a break for 25 years. I’m so lonely.
I feel you. My girlfriend does this adorable thing where she doesn’t exist.
“But we were on a break!” Nice friends reference at the end
Nice Jr. pic
Not to mention Caroline is watching Friends when Girl calls her
Oh. My. God. Will deFries you beautiful bastard
He did it. The crazy sonofabitch he did it.
Jimmyy!!!!!!
Next up – Chronicles of Todd: Entering Claire.
To me it look like a leprechaun to me
Everybody seen the leprechaun say yeahhh!!
YEAHHH!!!!
We didn’t want this, we NEEDED this.
I needed this more than I needed air to breathe.
Things Todd Does After Graduation: Claire
Thank The Real Jesus
I come through eventually. Patience is a virtue.