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I don’t hate being a woman. In fact, I’m glad to be one. The thought of having genitals and genital accessories that hang down between my legs shakes me to my core. On the flipside, having internal pipes that insist on bleeding for up to seven days a month isn’t really all that jazzy, either. But that’s not the biggest downside to being a woman, by far. The worst part about having strictly X chromosomes isn’t the tampons. It’s the constant and never ending strain on my bank account.
Manicures. Pedicures. Makeup. Waxes. Spray Tans. Highlights. The list goes on. These expenses are strictly cosmetic, ladies and gentlemen. I don’t wake up looking like this every day. In fact, it takes pricey tools and accessories to create this aesthetic. It takes effort. My ladies out there know the deal, (and likely some husbands, too), but I’m here to give you fellas an idea of just how much it costs to be a lady.
Let me begin with a little caveat: I know most of these costs are not necessities. In fact, most are luxuries. Luxuries that, you, gentlemen, take for granted. Luxuries that I enjoy partaking in, when I can afford it. Let’s get after it.
First off, we’ll start with makeup. This is something most women wear likely every day or close to it. Makeup is brutally expensive. I’m talking anywhere from $35-$60 for one freakin’ bottle of liquid foundation. Now, I can make a bottle of foundation last for months and months, but it takes real effort. Meanwhile, dudes scrub their faces with the same bar of Dove soap that cleaned their asses, and all is well.
That doesn’t even begin to touch all the other required products that create a full face of makeup. Moisturizer, concealer, primer, liquid foundation, setting powder, bronzer, blush, contour powder, eyeshadow primer, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, lip gloss, and setting spray. This is just a peek at what is in my makeup bag right now. This is not an exaggeration: if I had to purchase all of the listed products at once, the accumulated price would come in at nearly one thousand dollars. On days that I decide not to wear any makeup at all, I might be trying to preserve the liquid gold that is my Makeup Forever HD foundation. Mull that over next time you want to ask makeup-less Sally from HR if she’s feeling okay or when the urge to tell your girlfriend that she “looks tired” arises.
Next up: manicures and pedicures. I’ve never met a man who didn’t like a girl with a fresh mani/pedi. Manicures can run you around $30-$50, depending on if you go with a Shellac mani or a full set of acrylics, with pedicures coming in around fifty dollars or more, depending on what degree of divine luxury and relaxation you splurge on. The combo can easily tally up to $100 or more, especially after tipping the Vietnamese lady who most likely shit-talked your ugly toes the entire visit.
Lest we forget those pesky highlights and hair-color appointments. As a bottle-blonde, my hair sometimes costs a cool $200. It can cost this much every five or six weeks, depending on how depressed I’m willing to feel while watching my roots grow out to trailer-park proportions. Seriously, guys, how much are you forking out for a trim at SuperCuts?
I’m gonna throw waxes and spray tans in here last, since when it comes time for budget cuts, these are the first to go. You guys like silky smooth legs, right? Completely hairless downstairs-situations? Two separate eyebrows instead of one? Right. Well Brazilian waxes start at around $60 a pop AND they hurt like a bitch. Eyebrow waxes are $15 and the waxer can ruin your life in an instant. Tanning beds have been scientifically proven to cause death, but thank God Linda down at Caesar’s Tan can spray my naked and trembling body with an ice-cold and organic mixture that makes me smell like Fritos for only $45.
It’s a struggle, guys. A financial struggle. So next time you are feeling charitable or an anniversary rolls around, just remember: bitches love manicures. Champagne doesn’t hurt, either..
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The rising costs of feminine products is a concept totally created by CHINA in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive. The BAD and dishonest trade deals of the completely FAILED Obama and Bush administrations are crushing the American consumer and PGP female blogger. SAD! – time for congress and lightweight Paul Ryan aka ‘Eddie Munster’ to REPEAL and REPLACE!
Incredible consistency from this account. I love, and it’s not even nearly getting old!
just crushing it
Now imagine you’re a dude, marrying you, who just found out he gets to help pay for all of that. There’s a special kind of hell when you’re a dude eating PB&J for lunch for a month straight to afford that upcoming vacation and then your wife blows $300 on hair/nails/etc the weekend before so she feels pretty for the trip.
Bet his wife is smoking’ though….
Can’t forget that a good bra is at least $45. And you can’t have just one.
Favorite bra just broke and this hit too close to home
HAHA “$45”. Try $75-$90….
Me getting ready for the upcoming shitshow of a comments section:
Being alive is too damn expensive…
Yeah, but rising funeral costs will leave your loved ones in the lurch! Sign up for term life insurance today! Because you deserve to be able to afford to die.
“When I’m dead just throw me in the trash.” Frank Reynolds
A real man doesn’t get his hair cut at SuperCuts.
How’s the weather up there on your high horse?
Doesn’t smell like peasantry, so you wouldn’t understand.
Does a real man still get his hair cut by his mom in her kitchen? Asking for a friend…
As a balding bro, feeling triggered. A buzz is a buzz no matter where you get it
If it’s a buzz, then just invest in a good pair of clippers and do it yourself.
Let them enjoy their fuckboy haircuts, that they got at an expensive hair salon.
Not true. Supercuts has successfully found a way to fuck up a number 2 all around on me. I shell out for a barber because there’s nothing quite like a true barber experience.
SuperCuts just charged me $55 for a wash, cut and blow dry. For my non-layered, non-colored, just-need-a-trim hair. For those prices I might as well have just gone to a real salon.
Apparently the blow dry was an extra $32 which NO ONE mentioned and it definitely was not on their price list. The price list said “Add blow dry to haircut for $12” which they later claimed was only for short pixie cuts and long hair got charged the price of a “blowout”. I mildly flipped out at the bullshit of that, but they didn’t budge so I paid it, but I was pissed.
This is why you NEVER get a blow dry unless it’s a drastic cut or a color change. I always walk out with wet hair because I’m cheap and would rather get my nails done with the leftover money. The hair dressers always look disappointed in me but I never like the way they style my hair anyway.
Insane
lol i think that’s actually more expensive than the salon i go to.
Ägreed. I believe a great man (Brian) once said, “Your hair is your head-suit.”
I played golf once at (absurdly expensive course in exotic location) and was paired up with 2 old dudes who both owned, between them, like 15 SuperCuts stores, and told stories of flying to Vegas with the founder of SuperCuts on his PJ and partying it up. Point being, you can make a ton of money in cheap haircuts $15 at a time.
Supercuts is the only non-gimmicky hair cut place near me. Plus I have a simple haircut. Take the hair off the collar and off the ears. #5 guard all over. Scissors to shape up. 20 bones with a tip and I’m out in 20 minutes. Its the only place I’ve been able to find to get a good cut since I moved away from my hometown.
username checks out.
Everyman should have the goal to drop John Edwards’ kinda money on a fresh cut.
Part of the reason I don’t live in the best location in town or in the newest apartment is to save money to spend on my makeup, hair and clothes. I’m vain and I love doing my hair/makeup everyday. It’s expensive but it makes me happy. You should try a sugar wax, hurts a hell of a lot less and I find the results are better than traditional wax.
Now excuse me while I call my colorist to make an appointment…
Also need money for my adult beverages. Priorities.
I feel you. Love paying my colorist $150 to “make it look really natural, like it’s not colored at all”.
Woah woah woah. Need more information about this sugar wax ASAP
This is why I insist on paying for my dates.
I legitimately enjoy buying these things for myself/having them done. Even if I’m not sleeping with someone, I’m still getting a bikini wax. I thoroughly enjoy going into Ulta and buying face masks, bath bombs, and makeup.
That being said, if I don’t want to do any of these things because I’m lazy af or poor af, I wont. And if some guy appreciates me less/thinks I’m less hot because I’m not wearing makeup or I don’t have a manicure, then I will happily show him the door.
Has lack of a manicure really been a dude’s deal breaker that you, or any female you know, have experienced?
My friends neighbor said that he can’t stand when a girl’s nails look rough. So there’s at least one case.
That has to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Although, my freshman roommate in college didn’t find a girl attractive because “her hair didn’t have enough volume.” 8+ years later and he’s never lived that comment down.
Other direction. I know a girl who is probably a solid 8, who always looks like a little bit of a mess; unkept hair, chipped nails, etc. Something about that signals to me that she’s a dragon, based solely on the fact that she’s not too uptight about stuff. Or something. I dunno, leave me to the fantasy.
At least we know that Mrs. Incredible has to be a dragon in the sack. Being elastic has got to have its perks. So congrats.
From my experience you are spot on with this analysis
I think a lot of guys think the nice hair, hairless body etc. just come standard when in reality it takes some decent effort. I once had a guy compliment me at a bar for looking nice even without makeup when in reality I had a full face of “no make-up” make-up on.
Congratulations, you played yourself.
Huge strawman argument, pretty much any guy I’ve met doesn’t care at all how much gals spend on these things.
I get my haircut from a guy named Leeroy who is in the Oklahoma Barber Hall of Fame. It’s eleven dollars and he also gives me a Busch every time I go. He has an old ass tube tv that only plays Loneseme Dove or Butch Cassidy. You should give him a shot if you like Busch.
This sounds like the dream. They don’t make them like Leeroy any more.
No they don’t. The first time I went to him he tried to cut my sideburns off but he’s roughly 150 yrs old so he gets a freebie.