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“God, when will these liberal white women find something else to complain about?” – male acquaintance from my college study abroad program
“These women who are taking the day off are just embarrassing themselves and other women.” – female friend of a friend that I met at a bachelorette party
“What is this strike even accomplishing? I’ve never felt inferior to a man in my life and I don’t have time to take the day off. Are these women who are striking just lazy?” – older female relative
I have a confession to make: I’m one of these “lazy” women who didn’t work Wednesday and spent the day observing International Women’s Day and A Day Without A Woman. To be completely transparent, I actually spent the day traveling home from a trip that had been planned months before the strike, but had I been home in DC I still wouldn’t have worked.
As I scrolled through my social media feeds throughout the day seeing the occasional post like the ones above, I wanted to reach out to the authors to explain to them why I and many of my friends chose to observe the day. However, since we all know that engaging in political arguments on Facebook has a whopping 0% success rate, I wanted to share my perspective on why I opted into both International Women’s Day and A Day Without A Woman with all of you instead in hopes that it would spark some constructive discourse.
First off, it’s important to note that I and a majority of my friends who participated in the strike are privileged as hell. I don’t mean that we have trust funds and are all set to take over our families’ multimillion dollar businesses. When I say that we’re privileged, I mean that we all have graduate degrees, health insurance, livable salaries, and paid vacation that allowed us to take the day off without worrying about losing our jobs or making our rent payments.
By almost every measurable global statistic, I’m individually doing just fine, and I know that. It would be extremely easy for me to fall into the, “I don’t need Women’s day” camp. I successfully work in a very heavily male-dominated field to the point where in the six years of my career so far, I have only just this year FINALLY had another woman in the office. I’ve been incredibly lucky during this time that I’ve had wonderfully supportive bosses (all male), generally respectful colleagues, and the confidence to immediately shut down any inappropriate behavior, intentional or not.
“Ok, Quinn, we get it, you’re making it. Why did you participate in this dumb strike again? Things seem fine for you,” I hear you rolling your eyes from D.C.
The thing is, I didn’t participate for me… or for my equally educated, successful, and confident female friends… or even for the Facebook likes. I participated in International Women’s Day and A Day Without A Woman because I have the resources and agency and ability to do so for all the women who can’t. The entire point of the day was to raise awareness about areas where women are far from equal to men, both at home and abroad, and to demonstrate how vital women are to the economy, their families, and the world by opting out of those institutions for a day. That’s why I participated.
I participated for the single mom who couldn’t afford to take off work because she works three jobs to feed her family.
I participated for the 493 million women globally who can’t read or write and deserve access to education.
I participated for the brilliant women who were asked to take notes in a meeting or get someone coffee even though they weren’t the most junior person in the room.
I participated for the 603 million women who live in a country where domestic violence is not considered a crime.
I participated for my fresh out of college mentee who came to me crying at lunch one day because our well-known client said something sexually inappropriate to her and she didn’t know how to respond.
I participated because only 1 in 10 world leaders are women and only 29 hold CEO positions on the S&P 500 list.
I participated because there are 20 million trafficked women and children worldwide, and 98% of them are female.
Lastly, I participated because my grandmother was the first female detective in her state and my mother was the first female to ever hold her position at a Fortune 500 company. If they hadn’t fought for the right to achieve what they did and paved the way for other women to do the same, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
So, yes, I would probably be just fine without International Women’s Day and A Day Without A Woman… but the thing is, it’s not about me. Just because it isn’t a problem for me doesn’t mean that it isn’t a problem. I feel a responsibility to use my relatively privileged position as an ally to help amplify those voices that get lost and to help in any way I can.
I also understand the instinct that some people may have to say, “well I worked hard and made it through shitty situations and didn’t complain, so why can’t other women do the same?” To that I would say that rising tides lift all boats; helping others in no way diminishes the amazing things you’ve already accomplished for yourself, and anything we can do to improve the situation of women anywhere helps people everywhere, men included.
Maybe you were one of the people who couldn’t afford to take the day off, maybe you weren’t sure what it was about, or maybe you didn’t even know it was happening. There’s still plenty of time for you to get involved and support women and girls globally. Some of my favorite female focused nonprofit organizations include: The Global Fund For Women, Women on Wings, Girls Not Brides, GirlStart, and Girls Who Code. Whether you’re a woman who wants to help other women or you’re a man that wants to be a good ally, these organizations are all great places to start.
So yeah, I’m one of those “lazy” people that participated in International Women’s Day and A Day Without A Woman, but if even one thing I did helps another woman feel more comfortable and confident in herself or helps a man decide to be a more active ally, I’ll consider it a success..
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Quinn Truflais
Formerly known as Queen of The Garbage People. Functional title still stands. Dog owner, whiskey drinker, Star Wars fangirl. #DoingItForTheContent QuinnTruflais@gmail.com
@QuinnTruflais
Quinn I thought this was really well written. The male commenters might not get it and that’s fine, but you don’t have to rip into her because you don’t like what she’s saying. Honestly untwist your panties guys and get the F over it.
I don’t see why they’re getting so furious over an article about a woman supporting other women. It’s not like sexism is dead. Just look at the massive amount of sexual harassment and discrimination lawsuits getting thrown at Uber right not. “But women in Saudi Arabia have it worse!” So I guess we should just be happy to be allowed to leave the house at all? I love the content of this site but damn, sometimes it can be really unwelcoming if you don’t have a penis.
As a woman who just recently started reading this website, I wasn’t expecting this amount of men being so butthurt over this. Like, I guess I knew a lot of people here lean towards conservative beliefs, but to be so mad that a woman is writing about her experience with DWI? Pretty confusing.
As a mentioned of Saudi Arabia, I thought that I would chime in:
The reason for bringing this up is because unlike Saudi Arabia, there is no institutional sexual discrimination in the US. It is against the law to pay a woman less than a man for the same job and if anyone you know has that problem, speak to HR or government authorities.
Yes there are isolated instances of sexism that occur largely because some people are assholes, our President included. The wage gap is a myth when you factor in that women overwhelmingly choose lower paid professions, driving the gross average pay down. Quinn’s tidbit about the S&P 500 is neither here nor there – there’s no way to prove that more women weren’t chosen because there were better qualified men and not because the companies are sexist. When I was at a Big 4, there were more female partners than men. At my current company, there are more female directors in my department than male directors. Once again, there is no institutional sexism in the US.
In Saudi Arabia, however, a woman will get stoned to death if she’s raped. Over 200 million women in 30 countries have had their clitoris forcibly removed. THESE are the women’s rights issues of our time. Not how there are disproportionally more male than female CEOs.
I 100% that the treatment of women in Saudi Arabia is horrible. However, this argument is brought up very often when American women discuss sexism and comes across as saying, “what are you complaining about? They have it worse.” It’s just dismissive, like our problems don’t matter because they’re not as extreme. When you vent about something to your friends, I’m sure they don’t just roll their eyes and tell you about someone they saw on the news who had a worse day than you. Yes, those women do have it worse. That doesn’t mean we should feel guilty for talking about issues that we as American women face. We can fight for our rights AND theirs. It’s not a pie; us having more won’t take away from anyone else.
Study after study has concluded that after accounting for all factors (education, experience, age, hours worked, industry), there’s still a 5-7% difference in men and women’s wages. Just because the 77 cents argument isn’t usually used correctly doesn’t mean that the wage gap isn’t actually a thing.
From everything I’ve seen the Big 4 seem to be patting themselves on the backs for improving their numbers by having between 20-30% women in their recent partner promotions, but please if you have actual facts showing there are more female partners than men at any of these firms I would love to see them.
Thank you, as one of the few lefties on this site I don’t understand why this has upset people so much. People took one day to stand in solidarity with their sex and to create a statement that they have concerns about the state of equality in our country. This was such a small thing in comparison to the of thousands of other protest movements through out history. These people are not trying to demand massive change, they just want people to know they are there; and that their fear and concerns matter.
And yes please down vote me into Oblivion for being a liberal fucktard, I can take it.
You know because we won the right to vote and actually got laws against domestic violence on the books (among many other things), by sitting on the couch not saying anything. If we want to fight for women in other countries who have less rights than we do by speaking up I don’t see how it affects you(anyone pissed off by this article).
First and second wave feminists would recoil at the type of shit that passes for feminism these days.
Yeah, Gloria Steinem has totally gotten super conservative nowadays.
I love this comment.
The problem is that a lot of the viewpoints voiced here are borne out of false narratives spread by a faction of the population that thrives on the idea that white men are bad and should pay for the sins of white men in the past. if you come out swinging with viewpoints based on lies you deserve to have them turned back around.
Example of the lies perpetuated by feminism: 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted on campus (this statistic came from a single study that had a very skewed population of participants and had language that characterized sexual assault as whatever you feel like it means. Guy is on a date with you and tries to hold your hand but you get uncomfortable. Sexual assault according to that study).
Quinn – I think this is a very well written and clearly explained article. I think it’s brave of you to open yourself up for criticism like this and respond to it with such class. Personally I did not take IWD off. I am all about supporting woman and I do that by being a strong professional and by working hard to empower my coworkers and my peers. I appreciate the time you took to write this! Thanks so much for sharing. The backlash is unnecessary. It is entirely possible to partially agree or completely disagree without being an asshole.
Don’t pull a muscle patting yourself on the back. You congratulating yourself on “participating” in a BS protest but you actually did nothing you just travelled all day? So you actually did nothing. Except write an article about why you would have done something but you had other plans. You don’t even qualify for a participation trophy. Way to be a real crusader for your cause. This is exactly how I expected an article about International Women’s Day “participation” to go.
I don’t have a problem with you doing it, and I appreciate your explaining why you did it. I guess my confusion lies in A) what this day actually did for any of the (deserving) groups you mentioned, and B) why none of these reasons were enunciated. The whole thing seems well-intentioned but ultimately ineffective.
I think there are real issues facing women, but I think by and large the issues they face are more of isolated incidents, than a systematic problem. Protests like this only reenforce the idea in people’s mind that there isn’t a whole lot of substance behind certain movements, and serve more as a ivory tower in order to feel victimized/proud of yourself for standing with women.
I think it would be really interesting for you as a thought exercise if you asked a few of the women in your life what kind of experiences they’ve had where they were made to feel uncomfortable, less than, attacked, discriminated against, or ignored/passed over as a result of their gender. I genuinely think it would surprise you and might change your mind as to whether it’s a systematic problem.
Quinn, I think that’s a valid exercise, and I think it is possible it is a problem. I don’t think IWD did shit to fix the problem. In fact, I think by virtue of a lack of a clear explanation, ask, or problem statement, it may have deepened the divide.
I have been uncomfortable, attacked, or have been made to feel less quite a bit through life, everyone is. Whether it’s for their looks, their personality, their ability to get a date, it’s part of life. Just because some people suck doesn’t mean the world is out to get you. Do we need a nerdy guy movement for all the guys in high school that get picked on? Do we need a movement for people who aren’t athletic? People will discriminate against you for dumb stuff. Don’t let an asshole stop you from being positive and awesome.
Nerdy guy who got picked on in high school here. I don’t feel the need for a day, but I support IWD. As much as I’d love to see weak nerdy teens no longer have to deal with the shit they deal with, I acknowledge that women don’t get to escape a phase of their life like I did. It got better for me because I grew and changed. It doesn’t get better for women unless we eliminate the problem of systemic discrimination, harassment, and (I’m gonna use the word, so get ready…) sexism. That’s what IWD is about – helping men (and women) across the country realize that, yes, we need women in our organizations, in our lives, and by our sides. We need them to be equal.
Yeah that kind of thinking won’t score you any dates
I think the discussion here is that women aren’t JUST made to feel less because of their looks, personality, or ability to get a date. We are made to feel less for the simple fact that we are women. And even when we are considered good looking, cool, and can get dates, we’re still considered less because we are women.
Largely a straw man (straw woman?) argument in 2017
I mean I’m not a woman. But I can’t even think of an example of when that would happen
If you want to DM or email me I’d be happy to give you just a few examples that I and others I know have personally experienced. I mean this very genuinely by the way- I would actually like to have a constructive conversation about it!
Damn right I would, how do you DM people on here?
Email me at quinntruflais@gmail.com or you can hit me up on twitter
I just hit you with that email.
The email was sent and never responded to, probably couldn’t handle getting beat down by facts and reason
Lol, dude, you hit me up at like 5 PM on a Friday when I was headed to HH. I did respond a couple hours ago though. 🙂
We need updates on this.
Your reasoning perfectly lays out what the say should actually be for – women in other countries that are ACTUALLY oppressed, the problem is that this year it was hijacked by people doubling down on the mindset that lost Hillary the election.
Whew, rant over
I’ve yet to see anyone own up to the fact that this was just an anti-Trump day. This wasn’t “a day without women”.
I’m certainly not secretive about my intense dislike of him, but this day has been around since 1975, and sexism and discrimination and misogyny far predate him. For me at least this was just about women.
You have to admit this year was nothing like prior IWDs
I don’t want to turn this into a Trump thing because I think it would detract from the message, but I would agree that it certainly had more participation and exposure than in previous years, which I believe is largely due to fear as a result of what many women perceive as the recent overt “re-normalization” of sexism and harassment. I would rather keep the focus on the fear and highlighting the marginalization though.
What’s so wrong about “women fear that the new administration may promote policies that are harmful to women, and we want to demonstrate our disagreement with that?” I don’t see why people are bothered by that.
People are bothered by that because those fears are completely irrational. The fact that you think he’s actually going to put through a law that is anti-women is laughable.
The problem is that it was disguised as what you genuinely believed it to be. This was just a protest of the president. Nothing more nothing less.
hey are you going out with us in OT tonight or are you with vold? I’m cutting out early to hit up Costco.
I’m bringing vold. Can you grab me on your way back?
1. UGH
2. Sure
3. Stop arguing with people online and answer your phone.
I feel like the backlash is a bit undeserved. I can understand the argument that the message was ineffective but Quinn has literally been nothing but positive and welcoming of a conversation. Nothing is gained by attacking someone even if their message might seem “misguided” to you. I’m not even saying I agree with her points, but damn guys have some backbone and realize not everyone agrees with you. The only way to influence people is with rational conversation, which is something all of us need to do.
Honestly I think some of the attacks/downvotes are against WR because of her previous articles. Yesterday’s post was was almost all positive comments.
Let’s talk about conservative women or women who are pro life. They are actively left out of these demonstrations which begs the questions already asked. Is this really about women or just a political spiel.
Thank you for this. I’m a conservative woman, and I constantly feel that I’m not encouraged to voice my opinions by peers- simply because they don’t align with most females I know.
I legitimately find this really interesting. When you say your peers, do you mean women? And do you feel that liberal women actively undermine or discourage your opinions? I’m very liberal and I have a few female conservative friends, and I sometimes wonder if they feel uncomfortable talking to me about certain things just because they feel uncomfortable, or if it’s because they feel I discourage them.
I’d like to add to this. I am a conservative woman. Not a fan of Trump, however, and I have many, many liberal friends whom I adore. However, I often don’t feel comfortable discussing my opinions on things like feminism with them. I do love women and believe in women and I consider myself a feminist. I work incredibly hard, put myself through college, and purposely chose a career path that allowed me to always be able to take care of myself. I also believe there are women in this country and outside this country who are treated differently and poorly simply because they are women. I believe women SHOULD support and build other women up. Personally, I don’t participate in movements like this because my RIGHT as a woman (thank you equality) is that I am allowed to disagree. I don’t believe I am oppressed. I think there are a lot of things that suck and are different because I am a woman. But I don’t complain about it, I fight hard to overcome it and to help other women overcome it. However if you don’t wholeheartedly agree with many liberals (not all) they turn it around on you and make you feel like a bad person. I’ve devoted my entire life to the care of other people – I’m not a bad person. But I learned very quickly that most of these arguments aren’t with my time. So I support and love my liberal friends and my friends who participated in the walk, but I don’t believe in participating because I believe it was less about women and more a political statement and that was not something I wanted to be a part of. I’m not saying you are like this, but many liberals, especially liberal women, only support you back if you agree with their motives. If you don’t they don’t give you the time of day. I know many conservative women who love women and work hard to support each other yet feel rejected by the Democratic Party. Just food for thought.
Totally understand that perspective and how you and many other conservative women could feel that way. I think the hard liners on both sides tend to drown out the reasonable people in the middle. Thanks for sharing!
Sorry I posted this at 3am. Worth* not with, and A day without a woman, not a walk. My brain was thinking about the women’s march – which I also did not participate in.
I think I love you.
You love everyone
Like Quinn said, I completely understand your thoughts. I do think a lot of people who support the Democratic Party are radicals in the sense that they will read the words “I am a conservative woman” and automatically start an argument or, what’s even worse, not even read what comes after that. I think that helps no one, and I’ve been trying to be more respectful and accommodating of other viewpoints and discussions about them.
You mentioned you didn’t participate in a day without women and the women’s march, and I was kinda wondering if any woman who is conservative/republican who WANTED to participate in those felt discouraged to do so because they felt it was only aimed to democrats – I know this doesn’t apply to you, but if any other women here would like to contribute, that would be cool!
YES. Conservative woman here. I wanted to participate in both but am so strongly pro-life that I felt participating in either would be to compromise on that stance. Unfortunately, pro-life friends of mine that did participate in the march came home discouraged after being harassed by other participants in my city.
Working in a corporate environment where I see powerful women get talked over or their ideas agreed to only when they are repeated louder and by a man, I want so badly to be able to show support for this movement, but feel that it has disallowed discussion on the issue that is most important to me.
Third wavers seem more focused on birth control and abortion than any other “women’s issue” so from the outside in, as I will mansplain, it makes sense that they will naturally leave out conservative and/or pro-life women who either don’t see abortion as the top priority for national politics or oppose it altogether. They’ll also alienate women who don’t see men as systematic oppressors, a common theme among third wavers. These are the two primary reasons third wavers are not gaining the kind of traction they need to be effective.
This ^^
You probably would’ve been better off donating to organizations that help women in countries like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan or one of the other dozen countries in the Middle East or Africa where women have no rights, aren’t allowed to drive, and in some cases, are forcibly circumcised. Those are the women who truly need our help.
I’m all for women’s rights but I refuse to support a movement that has a woman wearing an American flag as a hijab, a 1,000+ year old symbol of female oppression, as one of its symbols.
I’m gonna disagree with the hijab comment, i understand that a lot of people see it as a sign of oppression, but a lot of Muslim woman who have been raised in the US still wear the hijab. Plus there are other sects of religion that still require women to cover their heads. Also the American flag is used for a lot of garments that it probably shouldn’t be since it could be seen as disrespecting the flag.
Neat.
don’t do this to my favorite website. get this political shit outta here.
We were actually purchased by Soros.