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Oh, you’re worried about not finding the one before you turn thirty? Why, because all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out? Well, you better hold on tight, because things are about to get real. Turns out that your quest to find “the one” isn’t only draining you emotionally, but fiscally as well.
A new poll surveyed 2,000 British people between the ages of 18 and 30. The average single Londoner spent £5,772 ($7,580) more than the average person in a relationship, which averages out to $632 per month. With that much money, you could actually, like, save money. A concept most of us are foreign to.
When you break it down, it actually makes sense – the top three things you spend money on are takeout food, restaurants, and going out to bars and clubs. I’m not sure about you, but I know that I get club fever a lot less when I’m locked down. Everyone knows that the only reason you throw in on bottle service is in hopes of getting drunk and making some bad decisions that might lead to meeting someone who can tolerate you. And the stats back it up.
Researchers also found single people, on average, drink nearly three times as much as those in relationships. Specifically, singletons are spending $59 a week on booze, whereas people in relationships spend $22.
I don’t know who these people are that spend less than $60 a week on alcohol, but what we do know is that those people are complete squares. Last time I checked, a bottom-tier bottle of red at a restaurant will run you at least $30, and that’s after the $12 craft cocktails you have while waiting for your reservation. That alone maxes you out for the week, and if you’re splitting that bottle, you might have a buzz. But fuck it, at least you can pawn half of that tab off on your other half.
Here’s some advice for single people: wife someone of the opposite sex up STAT. If you live together, you can split rent on a one-bedroom. If you go out to dinner, sure, you might pay for the entire thing. But then you can use that as leverage later to get a completely free meal. And because you’re not going out trying to mingle and tingle, you end up falling asleep four hours earlier which is four hours less that you’re buying hella voddy-sodas. You’re splitting a $20 bottle of cabernet, watching three episodes of whatever series is hot at the moment, and waking up without a hangover.
(I’m just kidding, going out and overspending on drinks is awesome so hold on to being single for as long as you can.) .
[via Elite Daily]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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It would also benefit me financially to only spend $59 a week on alcohol but I’m not going to do that either.
Come on man. Thursday Afternoon Scaries don’t need to be a thing.
“This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.”
Or you can date a girl for a year who donates $27 every other week to Bernie Sanders instead of supporting you.
I’m sure somebody has done that.
That one’s all on you
And what happens if you get divorced 5 years down the line and your ex-wife takes half your stuff?
Then you’ll know my life. I’m sure everyone in Hell is glad to have their overlord back, Lucy.
And if you have kids on top of that? Yeah, long term benefits not looking too good.
Counterpoint: Inheriting student loans you didn’t know about…
As a single childless woman I’d like to receive a tax break just like my friends who are married and/or have children. Would be cool, just saying.
Not to get nerdy, but there are few tax benefits to being married until your peak earning years in your 30s. Standard deduction as a single person is equal to one half the married filing joint deduction. You also get two exemptions instead of one. So you actually lose some benefit of that if your spouse makes less than you. When you get the benefit is when you buy a home and get a 500000 exemption instead of 250000. Also some benefit I’m estate planning etc. (Your peak earning years).
In*
THIS.
There’s a button you can hit, it says ‘Nice work.’ That way you don’t have to reply saying “THIS.”
THIS.
Argument: I make more than my wife, yet she spends way more than me. Come at me wage-gappers.
“Your money is our money now”
separate bank accounts are a must.
Oh, agreed. We have four checking accounts.
Why 4?
One for me, one for her, one for us, one she doesn’t know about.
‘Atta boy
I think they call that the ‘Executive Account.’
Everyone woman has a bank account their significant other doesn’t know about. If they don’t that’s just dumb. Everyone in general should have their own secret stash for whatever.
Four times the overdraft fees doesn’t sound like fun.
All you gotta do is modify your direct deposit a little and boom. Very slick.
Thanks for making me feel real good about my status, mom.
It benefits you financially to be married, until you have kids…
My girlfriend with an addiction to Lulu Lemon and Michael Kors handbags, and my very thin wallet would disagree with this article.