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Work, in general, is a depressing as fuck concept.
For 40 hours a week (but usually more), you leave your wife and kids behind to go do something you, in all likelihood, don’t want to be doing for probably less money than you should be earning. This continues ad infinitum until you die, shoot up your office and go to jail, or somehow power through to 65 and enjoy 20 years of watching your body slowly decay on a beach somewhere near Naples, Fl.
The office does provide some interesting stories, though. Some people shared the darkest shit they know about their office — as a coping mechanism, I’m sure. In a Reddit post, the following question was posed: What are some dark secrets in the place you work? Below are some of the best answers.
From Reddit:
Worked in a small hospital. We had a room titled, “Utility Closet” which was actually the morgue or “body hold”. Our ER was significantly far away from that room, so to transport dead bodies, we’d wheel the gurney down there with piles of laundry covering the body. Yep, that happened. I guess the hospital didn’t want to tip people off there was a dead body passing them in the hallway.
Hospitals are awful.
Not me but my Dental Assistant teacher once had to cover for a new dentist. He pulles the wrong tooth on a patient and she told the patient that they missed some decay on the tooth next to it, and since they missed it, it was free. So they pulled two teeth and the guy thinks he got a deal.
BUT NOT AS AWFUL AS DENTISTS.
i am in charge of hiring escorts for potential clients my boss is trying to land
Good gig to have.
I worked in a large bank where they did a massive employee satisfaction survey, but we were told how to answer. Specifically, how we’d better answer.
I worked at a public school where the principal had multiple affairs with staff, and misappropriated money in order to get himself new technology and gadgets. Ironically it was the most successful school in the city by any measure.
How do you go from a large bank to a public school?
My manager has had sex with several different people in the freezer of the restaurant where I work.
Why is it always the freezer? Why not the closet or just an office?
I used to work a small company and the secretary was “shared” among the owners, salesmen and some of the workers. The worst thing is that she acted all high and mighty like the owned the company, and I guess in a way she did.
She got preferential treatment and often the owner would pay her bills if she got behind, and rumor is that the owner paid off her car when she threatened to tell his wife. She was always invited to Las Vegas for trade conferences even though she had nothing to do with the trade besides answering phones and making appointments. We all knew what really happened on those trips.
I wouldn’t mind that job right now, tbh.
Most of the staff is being laid off in three months, the company has already started hiring their replacements in India. They’ll be told a week before Christmas at the rate management is going getting their shit together.
I wish I didn’t know. I hate keeping secrets and I just want to scream “Abandon ship!” at them all.
Watching people get fired at Christmas should be fun.
My crew was requested for an event at a popular place(I’m a waiter at a catering company) and I was sent to wipe dishes. Apparently, they do the dishes at night, place them in crates and then we have to wipe them right before the event at that place. So I opened the crate, and a huge army of cockroaches came out running. I freaked out and screamed and the local overseer came in. Told us we had to just wipe them, because there was no time. The thing is, he didn’t look surprised at all, like it was a regular occurrence. I requested my boss to not send me there anymore and called the health inspection for an anonymous tip. No result.
This is vile.
Interned for a non profit and they would intentionally turn clients away who needed help feeding their children if someone had a birthday coming up so they could use the money to go out and party and claim it as a company expense or petty cash.
Non-profits are such bullshit.
I have sat in the board room of a major industrial agency, during the planning for a very major project, and watched a lot of faces go pale as the budgeting section for ‘expected loss of life’ came up.
In my experience, the CEOs who talk about safety being number one for their company, aren’t kidding. They’re often very much on board. It’s getting the rest of the staff to get it through their skulls and follow suit that can be difficult.
Anyway. They budgeted for three deaths, in the course of the project. When asked why three, they said that statistically, the manhours involved said 3 was the conservative estimate, and there was a reserve for up to 6 deaths.
Each of those deaths were budgeted to cost the company 1.7 million dollars, factoring in fines, fees, loss of productivity, legal fees, etc.
It was a good meeting. It made it very clear to those who value money over human life just how much money a human life costs. And how much worse it can be if there’s a major incident!
One death is bad on the bottom line. But a mass casualty incident? (Anything more than three?) means a worksite shutdown. Which can cost the company easily twenty million or more a day.
This one is particularly dark.
The car dealership I worked at had it all. Half the staff was fucking each other, most of them were married. Blackjack and poker games every hour on the hour in the body shop. The accountant sold pirated dvds. Pot, cocaine, and prescription drugs were available in the detail shop. And most of us salesman were drunk by noon.
…Is it hiring?
A place I used to work at some ten years ago we went on a company trip to a ski resort. We were all supposed to share rooms. I got paired up with a dude in my team but I noticed a lot of my older co-workers got co-ed rooms. I asked one of the girls that had helped out to arrange the trip how come some were splitting rooms boy/girl.
Turned out a lot of people were lovers and whenever there were company trips they shared rooms and basically spent the whole trip fucking each other. And the company helped them out when arranging the trips so they got paired up in the same room.
When the trip was over they all went back to their husbands and wives.
Facilitating affairs. PGP.
At my last job, we had like 40 “manager” types who did absolutely nothing, and shit rolled downhill to about 3 guys who did all the fucking work in the whole company.
This is essentially every job.
To read more of this wonderful thread, check it out HERE..
[via Reddit]
Image via Shutterstock
Jesus fucking Christ, people. STOP CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSES WITH COWORKERS.
Yes, you plan for expected loss of life on large projects of certain types. We build oil refineries in Iraq and other places. People die. It happens.
Exactly. Have you heard of insurance? Companies simply use statistics to account for possible accidents. The vast majority of construction related incidents are due to human error.
That’s why industry employees people like me!
The waiter guy is spot on. I’ve waited tables and I’ve bartended. Basically, everything is disgusting. If you live somewhere where cockroaches are common (Florida for me at the time), there are going to be cockroaches in or around your food. I fished a caterpillar out of some lady’s salad once. I also tended bar at a complete hole in the wall. Good news is your booze is safe because the slow pour spouts keep it sealed, but I’d recommend refusing drink garnishes, like limes and what have you. Glasses also weren’t always properly washed, so someone probably got herpes because of that.
I only order drinks with enough alcohol content to kill whatever germs might be living in my glass.
Most places now just use disposable plastic cups, but everything tastes better out of a (clean) glass. Especially your dark liquors.
Almost positive the huge layoff around Christmas and hiring Indian employees is referring to Halliburton.
‘Murica
I actually had to go to work one day…then it dawned on me that I’ll be doing this for 45 years and still may not retire. You can get 25 years for 2nd degree murder and then be free and even possibly have parole before that! We’re #blessed to live in a country with options…
What would you do when you get out? Have 20 years left and definitely not retire meaning you really still have 45 or so years left? And why murder? At least go for drug dealing / wire fraud so there’s a chance you’ve got some payout at the end…
With the war on drugs the way it is, life sentences are handed out for non-violent drug offenses often. but if you go to jail first then get out, you’ll have prison connects and cartel connects to get yourself in the drug trade and not have to work. Then if you get caught again you just go back to your buddies and get free room and board, food, clothes, and gym membership. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook here.
I was born and raised in Naples, Fl, I hope to get back way before I’m 65. Was just there a week for Thanksgiving and already miss it.
I can’t help but think you’re an accountant at said car dealership