======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Hungover, she rolls over in bed and looks at Todd.
“What time is it?” barely comes out of her mouth as Todd grabs his phone that’s on a charger that’s not even plugged into the wall.
“7:55, what time do you have to start getting ready?” Todd responds while rubbing his eyes.
She jumps out of bed and runs into the hotel bathroom frantically collecting all of her things. “FUCK. Katie is going to fucking kill me if I’m late.” She grabs her day bag and starts piling everything in while Todd sits in bed trying to figure out the television menu so he can watch SportsCenter.
“Where the hell are my shoes for tonight, Todd?”
“Uh… wha… I don’t know?” He hard gulps and knows he’s in trouble.
She looks at him with disdain as if he’s supposed to keep tabs on all of her belongings. After muttering something about how he’s of no help, she runs out the door to make the Uber XL that Caroline had called minutes earlier. All wearing matching baby blue monogrammed Oxfords that Katie had found inspiration for on Pinterest, they arrive at the salon ten minutes late.
The salon, which was rented out for the morning, has been catered by a local bake shop with all the fixings for a brunch that could only be described as, “so bad.” There’s a table set up with croissants, biscottis, and cinnamon rolls all next to a make-your-own mimosa bar with freshly squeezed blood orange juice that the bride looks longingly at for the duration of the morning.
Feeling some type of guilt because the bride has been on a strict “no food” diet for the past four weeks, all of the bridesmaids sneak bites of their cinnamon rolls and sips of their barely orange mimosas while the photographer sets up. Immediately upon the photographer announcing that he’s ready to shoot, everyone disposes of their carbs and goes directly into “laugh and sip champagne” mode without batting a fake eyelash.
“Don’t look at the camera, don’t look at the camera,” she thinks to herself while sitting up straight and sticking her chin out for fear of looking like she has more than one. When it becomes her turn to get her hair done, she smiles at the bride and mouths, “So excited!” even though the bride won’t let her choose her hairstyle, nor has she paid for any of the bridesmaids’ ugly up-dos.
Mid-way through her hair, she texts Todd before realizing that Todd is eating lunch at the hotel bar with all of the other plus-ones.
“You’re drinking, aren’t you?” she asks before Todd confirms that he is, indeed, having a beer with lunch. While mad, it’s not because Todd is drinking so early. It’s because she’s jealous that he’s enjoying himself in a casual situation as opposed to fake smiling for a bunch of photos that she’s not the center of attention in. While she was going to apologize for getting upset about him not locating her shoes earlier that morning, that apology is officially off the table.
Two hours later, Todd asks what their status for the day is but she can’t respond as they’re taking photos prior to the ceremony. Despite the fact that Katie had clearly used her as her last pick to be one of the bridesmaids, she stands as close as possible to Katie — closer than the maid of honor and any of the family — throughout the afternoon to get as much of the spotlight as possible.
“You look so gorgeous,” she tells the bride despite knowing that the stress on the bride’s face is showing through in every photo as the ceremony is just minutes away. Pulling her phone out of her clutch, she sees Todd’s inquisitive text for the first time and asks what he’s up to but gets no response.
A hundred yards away, she sees everyone entering the church for the ceremony. “I swear to God, if they’re late,” she begins saying to the maid of honor, Megan. “I mean, honestly, where the hell could they be?” She puts her phone back in her clutch after getting a “What The Hell Are You Doing On Your Phone Right Now?” look from Katie.
Lining up in the entryway of the church to prepare for the most important moment of her friend’s life, she peers into the congregation hoping to see Todd. But she sees nothing, because he’s nowhere to be found. .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
In this Gif we see a captivated John Stewart perched at his desk. John’s eyes are fixated, staring intensely at the screen unable to blink, much like all of us when reading a DeFries article. While John’s eyes are locked away on what is alluded to be this DeFries original series, he is concurrently holding and eating popcorn at the same time. John’s appetite and unwavering stare prove to be insatiable as he endlessly loops handful after handful of delicious movie theatre popcorn until this page goes into the depths of the PGP archives. Many gif critics speculate that this is a metaphor of how the PGP readers and fan base eat up all of the “Things Girls Do…” web series week after week because of DeFries’ witty and captivating humor and subject content that is extremely relatable to his target audience.
Although there is some time to still claim the title, this may be my Gif Pick of the week.
Can this be a real thing?
Ask D-Man or Bacon… I’d love to have a weekly column.
Todd’s lunch beer turning into a day rager and a no-show. PGPM.
Leaving us with a cliffhanger like that is damn near inhumane
ever since the one surprise post from Todd’s POV, I stalk the site looking for little easter egg nuggets… i need a life
Todd only does power moves. Must get it from his dad.
Todd went to get a pack of cigarettes and never looked back
Todd’s fucked. But not literally.
This Gif features a clip from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate factory (The original and only good one starring Gene Wilder) This scene shows Wilder mouthing the words, “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last” because Will has left the readers wanting more and has everyone on edge due to the fact that Todd is nowhere to be seen at the Church (WHERE IS TODD!) In the background you see Mr. Salt (played by Roy Kinnear) with a frantic yet nervous look on his face throughout the gif scene.
While this is a great gif, the first gif out edges it because of the intensity John Stewart shows while simultaneously eating the popcorn. This visually drives home the suspense of the potential angry girlfriend argument that could ensue as the readers are only left guessing where Todd could possibly be.
#PrayForTodd
I’ve started reading these with a low key beat in the back of my head. Like a Post-Grad version of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”
Next up, Things Girls Do After Graduation: Get in an obnoxious, crying, drunken fight in a publicly embarassing situation.
And yes, Todd is fucked. Only way out is if she catches the bouquet, which he has no control over.