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1. Wake up every morning to chants.
2. I’d have to come to the brutal realization that maybe girls actually do fart and/or poop even though I know they don’t.
3. There would be glitter all over all of my shit.
4. The house would be fully occupied at 4 p.m. because half of them are teachers.
5. I’d secretly hold out hope that a spontaneous pillow fight would occur at any given moment.
6. 95% of my time would be dedicated to listening to them deliberate over what restaurant to go to for brunch.
7. I would be on a first name basis with our FedEx and UPS drivers for all the packages I’d be signing for from Nordstrom, Macy’s, and whatever other department stores are having a semi-annual sale.
8. My phone would constantly be going off with one of the sisters checking in on me while out.
9. I’d know every cut of diamond for every possible style of engagement ring.
10. My favorite t-shirts would constantly go missing only to be found paired with a pair of Nike shorts on one of my roommates.
11. I could recite 1989 in my sleep.
12. “Maybe I’ll go back and get my Master’s.”
13. I’d become an expert on dodging questions about why guys are “assholes” and/or why my friends aren’t calling them back.
14. There wouldn’t be any room for my groceries because our refrigerator would be stocked with kale.
15. I would finally figure out what “throwing what you know” means.
16. “I can’t believe she’s making us wear these ugly dresses in her wedding.”
17. They’d treat me like their staff photographer after constantly being asked, “Can you take a photo of us?”
18. There would never be any question over whose things were whose because everything would be monogrammed.
19. My Uber rating would take a massive hit.
20. I’d be an expert at remedying “Red Wine Mouth.”
21. I would be the equivalent of an Apple Genius after fielding so many questions about shattered iPhone screens and broken laptops.
22. I’d know the caloric values of the entire Starbucks menu like the back of my hand.
23. The E! Network would constantly be ringing through the house.
24. My biggest stress in life would be keeping their succulents alive while they’re out of town on bachelorette parties.
25. “Ugh, I need a Xanax.”
26. I’d never be allowed to eat gluten ever again.
27. Constantly thinking I stepped on a bug, I’d be picking fake eyelashes off the bottom of my feet at all times.
If the sisterhood bond you have from college still means the world to you, you could be perfect for a new television series focusing on your relationship and living situation with your sisters. All you need is to have a minimum of four residents or live in a Melrose Place-style apartment complex.
Interested in your group of sorority sisters being the subject of a reality show? Send your info to doctvcasting@gmail.com. All we need is your name, location, contact info (phone and email), age, a recent photo, and a short paragraph about why you and your friends are a cut above the rest. .
Image via Rosie Narie Photography
Respond
Disguising a casting call as a listical. Good try, intern.
This is a TSM article.
Kendra?
Never once did you get laid? Even just a handy?
Despite the sponsored article, TSM content, unoriginal stereotypes, this was better than a Kendra list.
let’s work on our apostrophe use
If only this dumpster-fire of an idea had a chance to make it on television.
But seriously, what is the best red wine mouth remedy?
Sounds like pitches for a Blue Mountain State episode.
Google doctvcasting@gmail.com. Weird as hell.