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“IF I COULD TUUUUUUUUURN BACK TIME, IF I COULD FINDDDDDDDDDD A WAYYYYYY!”
Everyone has blunders in their life; things they wish they could redo. I’m not a stranger to making a few boners in my time. Unfortunately, there are no save points that we can reload to rectify past missteps. Part of life is making mistakes and hopefully learning a valuable lesson at the end of the day. Kenny Chesney even wrote a song aptly titled “A Lot of Things Different.”
Sometimes, we don’t make the right choice in life. Ask anyone and I’m sure they have a laundry list of things they’d do differently. Some people wish they would have told someone they love them more often. Others, invest in Michaelsoft. I bet Hitler’s nurse wishes she could have had a few minutes alone with a pillow. While there are no do-overs or time machines of which I’m aware, with the 20/20 lens of hindsight, there are a few things in my life that, if given the chance to ruin the space-time continuum and change them, I would grab that bull by the horns and do so:
Sued The Person That Hit Me With A Car
When I was around 12, I was riding my sweet Mongoose bike back from a friend’s house one day. Our neighborhood was straight out of Pleasantville, so I generally thought I was safe. As I was riding my bike, I saw a car coming around the corner. I pulled over and put my tire against the curb, but the young lady hit me with her car and almost went over the sidewalk. Looking back, I should have sued her for every dollar she had as I would be living on a beach somewhere sipping on mojitos. Or at least not in student loan debt. My parents were the “we don’t sue” kind of people, even though she ruined my bike and my right ankle clicks when I walk up stairs.
Stopped Going To Church
My argument to my parents was, “If God is everywhere, why do I have to get dressed up and go sit in some building for 45 minutes?” As good Catholics, my parents always went to our guy Father Ray as he did Mass in under 30 minutes. But I wasted a lot of weekends spacing out at church. I even got a job to avoid going at one point. My parents’ rules were once you get confirmed, you can do what you want. That was the last time I went to church. At this point, I was (and still am) morally bankrupt, so I’m just posturing for a better seat in Hell.
Studied Harder In High School
My AP English teacher, Mrs. Rodriguez, told me I was bright but lazy and that I had the worst case of Senioritis she had ever seen. While her diagnosis wasn’t wrong, I still remember that to this day. Instead of sitting in on the easier classes and taking vocab quizzes, I decided to take all AP courses but fuck around. “A”s in college prep courses look way better than “B-“s and “C”s in AP courses. I’d have gone to the same school but gotten a better scholastic package, as my brother got like 10k a year to go where I went. Ironically, the only scholarships I got were from the church because I volunteered 500 hours of my time helping people at CCD.
Picked A Better Major
My dad always told me, “Get a government job: It’s a tit that never runs out of milk.” He then told me about NJ cops making 100k after 10 years with a sweet pension. All I’d have to do was write high school kids tickets for 25 years and I could retire. I later realized that I didn’t want that lifestyle and that my Criminology and German degrees were pretty much useless. The only time I even use my German degree is to teach people swear words in German and on crossword puzzles. At least I went to grad school and gained 25 lbs, so I have that going for me which is nice.
Not Dated My First Girlfriend
A lot of people say you can learn something from every relationship. I’m not here to debate that, but the only thing I learned from my first girlfriend was, “Do not date her.” My first girlfriend was one of those, “Wow, a girl paid attention to me” things. She also ended up finding some other guy who, in turn, gave her herpes. Before our final falling out, she called me to her apartment to say goodbye and to let me know that not only is the dude she tried to get with dating a 15-year-old, but that she had also contracted herpes. Unrelated, though; she said the herpes was not from him, but rather from a toilet seat. While I was born at night, it was not last night. She even showed me her ailment, which is an image I cannot unsee. Oh, and her mother was married four times. My therapist thinks that in a few years, I’ll be okay. Lesson learned: Do not date the first person that shows interest in you.
I’m sure Cher wishes she could turn back time to tell Sonny to avoid hittin’ some trees just as I’m sure we could’ve all done life a bit better. Responses to mistakes make the man or woman; the only productive thing you can do is learn and move on. Dwelling on shit that happened years ago while you’re cringing yourself to sleep is a fruitless endeavor. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but it makes the stories all that much more fun..
Respond
Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
@BLMInvestment
Madoff with that hot fire. Keep it coming.
Definitely should have went after the woman who hit you…I grew up with a girl who got hit on her bike when she was 8. The woman paid for a brand new car when she was 16 and had a full ride to a private university without having to apply for academic scholarships or grants all due to the settlement.
I know 🙁 I’ve never driven a car that was newer than 9 years. Would have single-handedly brought back hydraulics in my drop top low rider if I did.
No regrets about the Ponzi scheme, huh?
Would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids.
I don’t buy all that Garth Brooks shit, but if I hadn’t dates my first girlfriend who made me want to abandon my hometown and start a new life with a new identity, I’d never have moved to Denver and met my fiancee. It would have been nice enjoying my early twenties and not being an an embarassing emotional mess, but shit buffed out. The first girl’s life is a mess now, but while I used to think that would make me happy (“winning” a breakup is a joke), now I just hope she does alright and sorts stuff out.
I’m with you. If it never happened (exception to the car crash) then you could be a radically different person today.
Only time I’d change back the clock is to tell 1 or 2 girls how I really felt and not just kinda “let things take their course.”
1. Tried harder in college. I went to a shitty, rural high school that does not prepare you for life outside of the immediate area. Learning to study was a chore and I began to worry more about my social life as the years went on. Things still worked out fine and luckily no employers at this stage will worry about my GPA.
2. Waited to purchase a home. Mortgages in my city are much cheaper than rent so I bought a home and asked a few buddies to rent my spare bedrooms. The pride of home ownership is one thing but routine maintenance and the occasional major fix can be a bitch. Need a new furnace and AC unit at your house? At least $7500 installed. At your apartment complex? Somebody else’s problem.
Can confirm.
1. I didn’t realize I was in college till Junior year. It is really hard to pick up the GPA after that 2 year downhill slide. Definitely took classes that interested me without any plan. Sure that English degree comes in handy at parties, but other than that it is a piece of paper I haven’t seen in over a decade.
2. Exact opposite where I live. I was 5 years behind the times buying a house so paid way more last year because I didn’t understand down payments, mortgages, and am in general an idiot apparently. Sure would have to do some stuff, but I wouldn’t have paid so much and had a huge equity stake for the next house.
Just finished up a chapter of my life that had a lot of “wish I hadn’t done that,” moments. Wish I hadn’t slept under that bridge is on the list.
Woke up on a golf course one morning and woke up sleeping next to a bar another. Wouldn’t chang a thing.
I wouldn’t have gone where I did for school. I tell younger people to look at how well connected the prospective school is, and if they could see themselves being happy in that area after graduation.
Also don’t go somewhere cold if you don’t have to
Yes.
Definitely with you on the should have not dated the first person who showed interest in me. That’s an emotional minefield looking back.
My dad worked a government job for 25 years and retired at 47. Sounds awesome but he also said “There wasn’t a single day in my life that I ever looked forward to going to work.” Not sure if 25 years of misery is worth it
Can’t wait to chill with you in hell, dude
I would’ve not fucked around my first year in undergrad and cut ties from my biological father earlier than I did. Probably would be a lot more well adjusted but the show goes on
Yeah. My list is a little different, but maybe more widely applicable. To quote another country music star, I wish I could write a letter to me. I’ve made basically every mistake I could have since I was 18 years old; suffice to say, experiential knowledge isn’t always better than knowing something in theory.
I wish I had known at 18 that trying hard and coming up a little short is 10x better than not trying at all.
I wish at 18 someone had told me the next 5-10 years of your life, and the lives of nearly everyone your age, are going to be a battlefield full of heartache, hardship, and societal pressure. Be easier on yourself. And ask for help. We could all benefit from talking to someone once a week without fear of judgment.
I wish I had known at 18 how beneficial it would be to work hard in college- an interesting, well-paying job rather than grinding away at the bottom.
I also wish I had learned at 16 how valuable it is to physically exhaust yourself. Not to get physically exhausted from life, but to cycle, run, or workout 3+ times a week to the point of needing to sit down while your shower. Those endorphins and the knowledge than you always outlast the next guy or gal – the proverbial ‘extra mile’, is worth more than gold.
Once you get confirmed you can do what you want. I had the same exact rules and outcome.
Definitely the last two. Free advice folks, just because she/he is pretty and does things to your lower parts isn’t a good reason to propose. Also, Education is in a rut at the moment…pick a different major.
Depends on what that job is, if its in the right field you max out your pension then go work in the public sector for 2-3 times what you were making.
Should be a good time
“..ask for help. We could all benefit from talking to someone once a week without fear of judgment.” Word. So much word to this.