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Girlfriends are great. They’re smart, funny, smell nice, make us feel strong, and rub our tummies when we act like babies about being sick. However, as with everything that is in our lives for long periods of time, there are certain parts of relationships guys have to put up with. These things aren’t really malicious so much as they are boring and mildly annoying.
1. Stupid Activities
Girls LOVE activities, which isn’t a bad thing in itself. There were dozens of museum exhibits, shows, and events this past year that I considered going to, but decided against out of poverty or laziness (or both). It wouldn’t be the worst thing to have someone around who’s more amped up about these things that I am to drag my ass to them, because I know I’ll end up enjoying them. Unfortunately, girls can go overboard on this stuff really quickly. In the last two weeks, my roommate’s girlfriend, a sweet girl overall, has dragged my poor buddy to a weekend in Santa Barbara, a massive, annual art show, and a full morning at the flea market. This would all be fine, except these events have all been either at the crack of dawn or smack in the middle of playoff basketball. I know girls don’t necessarily understand our fascination with sports, but they should at least keep it in mind. On top of all of that, we couldn’t very well watch the games without him, so we had to record them and sit at home, twiddling our dicks, so they could finish their cutesy trips. One girlfriend’s decision can have a ripple effect across a whole group of friends. Do you know how hard it is to avoid spoilers in this era of technology? DO YOU?
2. Wedding-Related Shit
I’m not putting this entirely on the ladies. One of the inevitabilities that comes with being in your mid-twenties is that you will have an absurd number of weddings to attend, be in, and sometimes even help plan. The simple addition of another person literally doubles the number of these. Here’s where I do place the blame on all the girlfriends out there: how is it that girls are always so involved? You’d think that the closest friends of the bride are the ones who help with the planning and that the rest of the girls who aren’t quite as good friends just go to the ceremony, only subjecting their boyfriends to an hour or so of something he doesn’t particularly care to participate in. Except girls always seem to be in that close circle of planners FOR EVERY SINGLE WEDDING. Somehow, the guy gets roped into attending the shower, even though I’m pretty sure guys aren’t supposed to be there. Of course, the two of you will go halfsies on a gift, even though the guy has only met the bride once, which was the night she called his shirt stupid.
3. Bad Taste In [Fill In The Blank]
If you’re lucky, you’re with someone who likes some of the stuff you like. If you’re even more lucky, she isn’t into anything that’s just plain awful. I don’t have much interest in watching lots of reality shows, but there are certainly some I enjoy more than others if that’s what she’s into–there are even a few that I secretly enjoy already. There’s always bound to be one thing in her life that she just has dick for taste in, though. Whether it’s movies, music, food, cologne she buys you, or you find out all of her exes are chodebuckets, she can’t like only good stuff. It’s impossible. I know this isn’t a just girl thing. None of us hit for the cycle. I know that my particular movie taste doesn’t go over well with most people, because while I love objectively good film (Scorsese, PT Anderson, etc.) I also love ridiculous romantic comedies and self-aware action schlock-fests. I’m fully cognizant of the fact that 1993’s “The Three Musketeers” isn’t what you would call a “good movie,” but I can’t not love it. Girls you date will be the same way. There is going to be that one musician she adores, but you can’t fucking stand. It’s guaranteed she blasts that music in her car, which is part of the reason you don’t let her drive anywhere.
This could be the drama that sparks between couples whose chemistry isn’t quite right, but I’m more referring to the drama in her life outside of you. Whether they’re the instigators or not, girls are going to come home and unload whatever frustrates them on their boyfriend. Struggles at work, friends who are acting like bitches, or just a generally annoying thing that happened to her that day? It’s all on the table. What we, as boyfriends, have to get used to is that she doesn’t want your help, or really even your input. She just wants to blast some steam to clear out the vents. Let her do it, agree with her when it seems like it’s your turn to talk, offer a couple insightful points to show you’re engaged but aren’t giving advice, and then reap the rewards of her snuggling up to you once she finishes and allows you to unpause the game.
5. Her Friends
Maybe all of her friends are delightful, but I doubt it. Even if none of them are annoying or mean, there’s a group mentality that she will devolve into when she’s around them. This is something I call the “pack personality.” The girls who are normally reserved get loud, the ones who rarely drink get sloshed, and the ones who normally only say nice things turn into human gossip apparatuses. They all sort of rise from their lower personalities into a uniformly higher pitched, more expressive manner. The pack personality, people–it’s uncanny. I get that dudes can be guilty of this, too, with our off-color jokes, physical confrontations (both joking and serious), and general overuse of the word “dude,” but I’ve never observed the phenomenon to be nearly as large of a shift on the male side.
Then again, as with all of these opinions, I’m writing from the male perspective, which comes with a certain amount of “homerism.” I might as well have written “Stupid Things That Miami Heat Fans Do” with all of the objectivity I brought to the table here. So there’s that.