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I’m not gonna sugar coat this, there are a fuckload of columns similar to this one. The premise is neither new, nor is it original. However, this one is different, because I’m writing it, and I didn’t write those other ones. Are you gonna listen to advice from some random dummy, or are you gonna listen to me? Don’t answer that.
- Apologize to your parents for being a dick when you were younger. Yes you were.
- Visit a non-popular vacation city (Cleveland, Phoenix, etc).
- Buy some art.
- Date a crazy person so you can learn to identify the warning signs.
- Get a stupid tattoo that you’ll regret later, but in a place where you can live with it.
- Have a dinner date at your apartment and cook them ramen.
- Go to a massive music festival and hook up with someone in a portable toilet.
- Stop drinking and driving.
- Fix your fucking grammar. You’re an adult now.
- Have sex with someone a lot older than you.
- Spend the free time you have because you don’t have kids helping people.
- Get kicked out of a bar.
- Pay off your student loans early.
- Do an activity you absolutely despise. If you’re lazy, climb a mountain. If you’re a crazy exercise person, eat nothing but pizza and cookie dough for a whole weekend.
- Rewatch all of your childhood movies to make sure they hold up.
- Get more creative at swearing.
- If you’re a girl, try lifting some weights. If you’re a guy, start taking yoga classes.
- Eat food that scares you.
- Stop finding excuses to stay home. You’ll have plenty of time to yourself when you’re old. No one makes memories sitting on their couch.
- Win a fight. Lose a fight. Just get into a fight.
- Stop complaining about how old you are. You aren’t old.
- Meet at least one of your heroes. Disappointment is a part of life.
- Take lots of pictures.
- Stop paying mechanics and contractors to do simple things for you. Learn to do stuff with your hands.
- Read some books, you illiterate goon.
- Do something you can put your name on. You don’t have to work for someone else’s greatness your entire life.
Respond
Not to be OCD, but you couldn’t pull together four more?
28. Take a girl’s butt stuff virginity.
27. Get a PGP submission published
29. Start learning basic First Aid sills by performing your own full-frontal lobotomy.
I think that’d have to be considered advanced first aid, at the very least.
I used to live in Phoenix, now I live in Cleveland. #PGP
Wild guess – field auditor for Sherwin Williams that moved back to corporate.
Who the fuck wants to visit Cleveland?
Delonte West
And that is only because LeBrons mom still lives there
Who wouldn’t want to flee to the Cleve?
#20. Just don’t punch someone in the ear.
I actually liked this. Great work, Knox.
Hey Knox, want to come to Kansas City? We can knock out #2, #6, and #23.
More like knockout #4…
Zing!
If you throw in 28 he might consider it…
Can Kraft macaroni and cheese be a substitute for ramen?
Grouping Phoenix and Cleveland into the same category clearly means you’ve never been to either ..
You would be very surprised how many of your favourite childhood movies don’t hold up. But now and then, you get that movie that has somehow gotten better with age, like a fine scotch. The Transformers: The Movie is one of these gems.