21 Power Moves You Can Pull On New Year’s Eve

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  1. Verbally undress anyone who suggests going to a bar and excommunicate them from your friend group immediately.
  2. Private venue or GTFO.
  3. Black tie or GTFO.
  4. Open bar or GTFO.
  5. Show up to the venue in a Lincoln Navigator limo and just randomly start wishing people a “Happy 2005.”
  6. Start popping bottles before midnight.
  7. Bring your own bottle of champagne.
  8. Go around telling people that you “expect a lot considering it’s $500 a plate” even though it is not $500 a plate and there aren’t any plates because they aren’t serving dinner.
  9. Loudly boo the DJ.
  10. “No crabcakes? What is this, Cinco de Mayo?”
  11. Slip the coat check guy an extra dollar and let him know you might need “backstage access” later.
  12. “You guys tried these chicken fingers? Fantastic! Garçon, bring some more here for me and my friends.”
  13. Compare the house champagne to cat piss.
  14. “What’s the square footage on this place? 82 hundo? Maybe 83?”
  15. Commandeer a microphone and give a loud toast in which you tell 2014 to “suck it.”
  16. Don’t look for anyone to kiss until the countdown starts.
  17. Belt “Auld Lang Syne” like your vocal cords are gonna be gone tomorrow.
  18. Drink from the bottle.
  19. Ruin your tux and someone else’s tux.
  20. Shoot off your leftover 4th of July fireworks.
  21. Don’t bother trying to hook up with anyone because that shit wasn’t gonna happen no matter how hard you tried.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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