21 Power Moves You Can Pull In The Office On St. Patrick’s Day

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1. Smugly ask your coworkers if they even know the history of St. Patrick’s Day.
2. Tell the secretary, Erin, to go bra-less.
3. Accuse HR for having a lack of cultural awareness when someone writes you up for sexual harassment after you tell Erin to go bra-less.
4. “Kiss me, I’m caffeinated.”
5. Replace your regular morning coffee with an Irish coffee.
6. Bring in a crockpot and stink up the office with corned beef. Eat the entire brisket by yourself.
7. Make the interns dress up as leprechauns and send them on a complex, lengthy scavenger hunt for a pot of gold to bring back to you. The pot of gold is your Chipotle lunch order.
8. Do “Irish Coffee Bombs.” Replace Guinness with dark roast and Bailey’s and Jameson with hazelnut creamer.
9. Consume an entire shamrock shake at your desk.
10. Look for loopholes in your company’s religious holiday policy.
11. Pull a Dr. Richard Kimble and disappear into the St. Patrick’s Day parade that passes by your office.
12. Put “I’m Shipping Up To Boston” on a loop over the office speakers.
13. Put “Boondock Saints” on a loop on the conference room TV.
14. Pinch anyone who’s hungover.
15. Pinch yourself, because you’re hungover and about to fall asleep at your desk.
16. Settle any in-office disagreements by shirtless, bare-knuckle brawls.
17. Suggest your company relocate to Chicago or Boston to accommodate your St. Paddy’s Day needs.
18. Spike the office water cooler with green dye and just enough whiskey.
19. Talk to anyone whose last name starts with “O” or “Mc” in an Irish accent.
20. Explain your ancestors “didn’t come over on a boat for you to be locked away in a cubicle for 10 hours a day.”
21. Look at Irish rugby riots on YouTube all day.

Editor’s note: Doing some, if not all of these, will get you fired and put into rehab.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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