21 Power Moves You Can Pull When Meeting Her Parents For The First Time

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  1. Show up 20 minutes late and blame it on the valet.
  2. Wait for her dad to make his drink order, then tell the waiter “Three fingers of whatever’s stronger than that.”
  3. Kiss her mom on the hand and shoot a random member of her family a wink. Your choice.
  4. After meeting her mother say, “Well, now I know where your daughter gets it.”
  5. Check out her dad’s butt pocket wallet bulge and gauge the size of it. If yours isn’t as big, go to the bathroom and stuff your wallet full of napkins and sport an enormous back pocket bulge.
  6. Ask “You wanna know how much these boots cost, dad?” as you kick them up on the linen.
  7. When they ask you how you want your steak cooked, say “still bloody and breathing.”
  8. Hit on her mom until someone says something.
  9. Venison over beef. If they don’t offer venison, leave and tell the family that you “know a little place that has the best venison in town. You ever had venison, dad?”
  10. Do a spit take if they ask you if you’re getting married.
  11. Compare socks. Ask dad how long he’s had that pair.
  12. “So, what was college like in the ’70s, dad?”
  13. When their car shows up at valet, tell them you already took care of it.
  14. Tell them you took your job because of the “upward mobility.”
  15. Ask her dad how much he was making at your age.
  16. Bring up politics.
  17. Dismiss the women after the meal and invite dad out to the patio for brandy and cigars.
  18. When the bill comes, look her dad right in the eye and reach for your wallet.
  19. “You sure you got it, dad?”
  20. Go in for the full hug that lasts just a bit too long with mom.
  21. Let them know that you plan on having dessert back at your apartment.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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