20 Questions A Guy Will Ask At A Wedding


I recently wrote about questions a girl might ask during a World Cup game, and while it was mostly well-received, I (SHOCKINGLY) received feedback from some that it was anti-women. This really bums me out, because I’m definitely not anti-women, I’m anti-people, goddamnit. So to balance the scales, here’s a few questions a guy might ask his girlfriend while at a wedding.

  1. Why are they taking pictures already? Isn’t the groom supposed to not see her or something?
  2. Do I have to dance at the reception?
  3. Is there gonna be an open bar at this thing?
  4. Rented tuxes, flowers on jacket lapels, awkward dancing, people misreading their intoxication level, what is this, fucking prom?
  5. Are we supposed to walk out all fancy-like too?
  6. Is there a difference between maid and matron of honor, and does it actually matter?
  7. What are they serving for dinner?
  8. He’s seen her mom, right?
  9. Couldn’t they have just spent all this money on the honeymoon, or like an entire house?
  10. Is this gonna be over in time for the game?
  11. Birds eat this shit?
  12. Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird for grown ass people to dance with their parents?
  13. Do I have to give a toast?
  14. (several drinks later) Can I give a toast?
  15. Are you really gonna want one of these?
  16. Is there one bridesmaid that all the other bridesmaids decide to hate?
  17. Do you think the DJ has any Bone Thugz?
  18. Are her parents loaded or something?
  19. Why are they paying for a photographer when everyone here has an iPhone and Instagram?
  20. No seriously, is there gonna be an open bar at this thing?

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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