So, you finally did it. You hooked up with a coworker. Congratulations, I bet you feel real great about yourself. Running home to tell all of your buddies that you drilled the hottest accountant and showed how you Excel in the sheets. Sure, you got a bunch of cheers and high fives, but this feeling of invincibility is only going to last you the weekend. Your Sunday Scaries are going to be extra scary this time around because now you have to face the reality of shitting where you eat come Monday.
Let me paint a nice little picture for you, may I? You’re about to head home from a nice, long day of sucking the corporate world’s fictional D. That’s when you see your one night stand coworker about to join you in the elevator lobby of your floor. You both know there is no turning back, so you just give each other a smile and ride the elevator down (insert joke about going down on her, you dirty dog, you) in silence. Fun right?
Okay, you say the odds of that happening until some time has passed are lower than Tim Tebow’s odds of becoming a hall of fame QB? Call me Bob Ross, because I have more of these gorgeous fucking pictures, so allow me.
Let’s say you get thirsty and decide to head to the kitchen for something to drink. This is a routine thing you do everyday without even thinking about it. That is until post coworker hookup. Your palms are sweating the whole walk down the hall. You try to assure yourself that you won’t see her, but once you turn that corner you want to let out a big ‘ol “FUCK.” Of course she had to choose to get a snack at the same time you were dying of thirst. Now you have to say hi, walk to the fridge while wondering what she thought of your manhood, thrusting ability, and complete lack of sustainability in bed.
Encounters in the office aren’t even the worst part of this whole thing; it’s what happens at social gatherings. You’re both obviously young and enthusiastic about life, so of course both of you are going to attend the office happy hours and parties. Now you have to worry about the very thing that got you into this situation: alcohol. We all know the truths start flowing when booze starts flowing, so you’re going to have to be careful. At the same time, you’re going to have to hope the person on the other side of this flop-on-top fest can be careful as well. You’ll end up hating your night because you’re so stressed, so good job, you ruined that for yourself too.
We all make mistakes in our work life. Whether you didn’t file your monthly report in time, miscalculated some non-significant number, or didn’t refill the coffee pot when you drank the last of it – shit happens. This type of stuff will be forgotten and forgiven, but there is always one thing that will follow you until the end of your time in the office. The one night of fun with a coworker will be torment for years to come. So go ahead and bang the office fox, just be prepared for the consequences that follow..
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