Terrible Bumble Bios Are Back, Have Not Stopped Being Terrible

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Terrible Bumble Bios Are Back, Have Not Stopped Being Terrible

It has been awhile since the last time we pulled back the curtain on the Bumble talent. I, personally, had halted my activity due to my own naivete, thinking I had found a reprieve from the nonsense for more than a few months. But, to quote modern day prophet Justin Bieber, everything happens for a reason. I clearly have a true calling. And that is to provide the public service of bringing the worst Bumble profiles to this community as a cautionary tale.

My return to dating apps was like pulling a bag out of the freezer that had been clearly labeled “Dead Dove, Do Not Eat,” opening it, and being surprised to find a dead dove that had been killed by my amateur magician brother. In other words, I don’t know what I expected.

New to SD from CO // Passionate about healthy lifestyles and awesome adventures. Serial entrepreneur, so I’m fortunate enough to work from anywhere in the world. Oh yea… and confident enough to know dudes can do yoga too.

And we’re back with an adventure-loving “serial entrepreneur,” a term I assume means rich parents who bankroll his frequent entrepreneurial failures. He’s so brave he even does yoga, despite the obvious consensus yoga that is for girls. I can’t imagine the confidence it took to admit that. Way to go, buddy.

Best personality traits: awesome, humble, and irony; and I’m attracted to kind, interesting, and confident women with a firm grasp sarcasm and semicolon usage. I just moved back to CA after living in East Africa for the past few years so I’m excited for all the amazing cheese ima eat. 6’4” in heals.

Trying to connect the dots between the irony of him appreciating proper semicolon usage in a sentence in which he not only misuses a semicolon, but denotes his love for irony, made me consider the possibility this guy is actually a genius. And he leveled with his audience on the topic of cheese, an issue anyone can agree on. Low hanging fruit? Sure, but so is going after him for spelling and grammatical mistakes that may or may not be intentionally planted for the sake of irony. I honestly don’t know what to do with this one. He’s got me flustered.

Young professional with a craving for the outdoors. Fair warning: will wake up early to go jump in the ocean, run up a mountain, and make friends with strangers before work. Board games, cooking, and planning weekend adventures occupy my free time. I love my job. I love my life. Let’s meet and chat.

Call me a hater, but the image of the dude who wakes up early to “run up a mountain” and the image of the dude who says things like “let’s meet and chat” out loud is very easily the same image. I don’t think his warning was necessary, as I speculate the time he has spent actually doing each of these things equals about 3 percent of the time he spends telling people he does these things.

I live life to enjoy life and have one hell of a time. About the positive vibes and doing something bigger than myself with my life. If you are an interesting individual and want to create some exquisite experiences then hello and nice to meet you.

I am almost 99 percent sure this guy lost a lot of money to the Vemma scheme in college and isn’t as embarrassed about it as he should be.

Musician // Grade A Cuddler // Warm Hearted // Geek // Ask me stuff! You only have so long 😉 // Talk to me like you’ve known me for months or I won’t bother trying to get to know you.

I’m curious as to how the “talk to me like you’ve known me for months” provision is working out for him, because me saying that to a guy might as well mean “don’t talk to me at all.” This wound is fresh. I should joke about my own sadness more often.

Drama free zone *three caution emojis*
If you’re in a relationship, don’t bother… *frog emoji, coffee emoji*
In need of a car? Contact me ASAP if you’re looking for a New/PreOwned vehicle *car emoji*

My dude’s out here trying to lay low and slay some deals, but he’s having a hard time keeping your girl off of his jock. You know you’re a magnet for trouble when you have to declare your Bumble profile a drama free zone. It’s a player’s struggle. Respect the real.

This damn thing. Lake Tahoe grown. Major outdoor enthusiast. Country. Red vino. Dionysian & Idealism. Twinkle shining in my eye. Fire burning in my heart. Simple. Humble. Passionate. Restless soul. Thirsty heart. Intellect is rare & vanity is common around here. Don’t bore me. Give me Helen of Troy.

BRB, deleting Bumble, calling every one of my exes, telling them I’m sorry, calling in sick, wrapping myself in my comforter, crying myself to a point where I’m just hovering above consciousness, waking up at dinner time, ordering Postmates for a restaurant three blocks away, and holding a week-long grudge against myself for spending what can buy me half a tank of gas on one serving of ramen. Did I get soft, or did these streets get harder?

Best specializes in making fun of men and wondering why she is still single. She has over 6,000 followers on Periscope, the reason for which she has yet to figure out. Her Tinder bio once went viral for including a pretty mediocre fart joke. Neither of these events she allows anyone in her life to forget.

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