With Taco Bell’s release of a limited nationwide breakfast menu, it got me thinking. Will it be able to knock McDonald’s off of their mighty fast food breakfast throne? Never. Never ever. Mickey D’s is every American’s go-to breakfast spot. I’ve been stuffing my face with Egg McMuffs and McGridds since I was a young buck. A lot of people criticize McDonald’s for stopping breakfast service at the infamous 10:30 a.m. last call. To those naysayers, I say stop saying nay. McDonald’s breakfast is an institution in this country that should be respected with the utmost reverence. They’re simply creating demand. Read a book.
22. Cinnamon melts
Not only are you stuffing your face with sugar at 8 a.m., but you’re going to have sticky fingers all morning. You’ll come down from your sugar rush just as you sit at your desk, and then you’ll pass out with white icing dribbling down your face. No one will respect you.
21. Fruit & Maple Oatmeal
Pffft. Get outta here.
20/19. Steak, Egg & Cheese Biscuit/Bagel
What they don’t tell you about this monstrosity is that it has onions on it. You’re going to smell like an armpit all morning and your bowels will be a-quakin’ once this and your morning coffee start to mingle.
18. Fruit ‘N Yogurt Parfait
You’re doing McDonald’s breakfast. If it’s not hot with melted cheese on it, you’re doing it wrong. I respect the “health” aspect of ordering this, but for God’s sake, go big or go home.
17. Sausage biscuit
You’re boring or broke. You really couldn’t fork over the extra $1.25 to throw some cheese and egg on it?
16. Sausage Burrito
Don’t get Mexican food at McDonald’s. It’s that simple.
15. Egg White Delight McMuffin
I can’t roll my eyes hard enough. Quit trying to pretend you’re healthy. You still got hash browns and a Hi-C Orange Drink with it.
Mix in some protein. You’re going to be hungry and tired just mere minutes after polishing off a stack of these. They’re also inconvenient, unless you’re an innovator and just fold them taco style for optimum face stuffing.
13. Hotcakes and Sausage
Same as above.
12. Sausage McGriddles
I will go more in-depth about the pure beauty that is the McGriddles later, but consuming a McGriddles with only breakfast meat on it is a serious faux pas.
11. Big Breakfast
This is a meal meant to be enjoyed while sitting down. Although it’s tasty, why go with something you can get at any diner in the world?
10. Southern Style Chicken Biscuit
How dare you for cheating on Chick-fil-A. Is nothing sacred anymore?
9. Sausage biscuit with egg
Here we go. Now we’re getting into it. This is really the building block of McDonald’s breakfast: greasy egg and sausage tucked between a buttery, starchy biscuit.
8. Sausage McMuffin with Cheese
The importance of cheese to the McDonald’s breakfast cannot be overstated. I don’t know what McDonald’s does to their cheese or where it even comes from, but it is the finest American cheese available to the public. Plus, this bad boy is available on the dollar menu.
7. Bacon, Egg & Cheese Bagel
A distant relative of it’s bagel sandwich counterpart, the BECB is one of the more underrated items featured on Mickey D’s morning menu.
6. Sausage McMuffin with Egg
It always does the trick.
5. Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit
Here, we find the four pillars of breakfast food all in one delicious sandwich.
4. Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddles
God bless the food engineer who slaved away in a McDonald’s lab for creating this. It’s the ultimate game changer.
3. Egg McMuffin
The staple. It catapulted McDonald’s into the stratosphere and launched their breakfast menu into relevancy. It’s even considered to be one of the best fast food breakfast menu items as far as “health” goes, weighing in at a reasonable 290 calories.
2. Sausage, Egg & Cheese McGriddles
I thought for a long time that nothing could possibly overthrow the mighty Egg McMuffin. I was wrong. Dead wrong. This is the perfect breakfast food and it will never be topped. Buns with maple syrup baked into them? Game over.
1. Hash Browns
A fried block of shredded potatoes? It’s the straw that stirs the drink. No breakfast at McDonald’s is complete without this hunk of fried potato accompanying whatever the main course is.
Hi-C Orange Drink. Why get real orange juice when you can get orange flavored sugar water? It truly is the nectar of the gods.