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Oh, God, Self-Driving Ubers Are Here

Oh, God, Self-Driving Ubers Are Here

Check out what was spotted today in Pittsburgh.

Jesus Christ. They are finally here — and they look so stupid. The world has become so lazy efficient that we know longer require humans to drive us from point A to point B. Computers can do it now. Great.

I was in an Uber home this afternoon on the north side of Chicago at one of the city’s infamous six-way stops and the lights were out. There were no cops around to direct traffic and cars on all sides were backed up for blocks.

If you were a driver who was too timid, you weren’t getting across the intersection because there was always a driver around to alpha you. It was a total mess.

And while I was sitting in the backseat watching this whole thing unfold, I thought to myself, “What would happen if this was a self-driving Uber? Would it just wait here until the lights were reactivated? Would it grow some balls and gun through the light using its super-technology to avoid other cars? Would it have a panic attack and shut down with me locked inside?”

It was at that moment I was incredibly thankful for Barry — a former teacher who lived on the southwest side of the city who was driving me from the downtown Shake Shack to my Lincoln Park apartment for seven dollars. Barry rerouted us when he saw what was going on, but still had to roll down his window and wave to some other cars to make sure they would let him pass. Barry, in that moment, was my hero.

I have no problem admitting that when it comes to self-driving cars, I am a bit of a Luddite. It’s much safer to fly somewhere than drive, but most people feel safer in their car than on a jet because it is something that they can control. That’s pretty much me when it comes to self-driving cars. I’m sure they are fine, but why the hell would I not want to drive my own car? What am I doing that is so important that I can’t take 15 minutes out of my schedule to drive myself somewhere? Yeah, it’s “safer.” I get that. But it’s also not perfect. Neither am I — but I don’t want to take a chance with a machine!

I guess it’s exciting that these things are finally on the road, but the next time I order an Uber, I’m riding with Barry.

[via Twitter]

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