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Mailbag: Living With Your Girlfriend, Throwing Footballs, And Bachelor Party Strippers

Mailbag

Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co.

Greetings Dorno,

I never thought I would be in a position where I had to ask you for advice, but your advice isn’t the worst to be honest. So props for that I guess. Anyways, my brother is 25 and will be getting married later this summer, so his bachelor party is being planned out now. In an effort to not hurt any feelings, he didn’t designate a “best man” and is copping out with having four or five “best men”.

Obviously I am one of those men but going into it, I thought I would be planning the bachelor party as I am older than his other friends and have more experience with bachelor parties than the others do combined. I am included in the planning in a minor role, but they seem to really be running off with it not taking many of my ideas into consideration. In what I have heard so far their ideas are weak and lame sounding. Almost like his fiancé is planning it for him.

My question is how should I go about this? Bachelor parties should be epic and while I don’t think they will totally fuck it up because that’s pretty much impossible, it seems like it won’t be a great as it could be. Should I put my fist down a bit more and tell these kiddos how it goes? Or just let them plan it out and bring it as best I can once the weekend actually starts?

Thanks in advance.

I think you should let the kids run with this one. It seems like they have a core, tight-knit group and you, albeit having a very important role as the groom’s big brother, are somewhat of an outlier in this situation. As the elder and big brother, you should offer up your wisdom and make suggestions, but when it comes to the actual decision making, you should let them run with it. You want the others to see you as a team player, not the older guy trying to flex on them.

Dillon,

Ever since the girlfriend and I have moved in with each other due to the high cost of living in my city, we have gotten into serious fights and have not had sex or anything dude, it’s fucking awful, we are only two months in to our one year lease. Should I break up with her now and put up with some uncertainty. Or should I stick it out and break up with her around the holidays? Also she keeps wanting to get a dog so I need ways to deflect.

Thanks,
No idea, in cap city

I’m going to use this opportunity to share a PSA: Do not move in with your significant other unless that person is someone you’d marry. That’s the rule. Moving in should be a “well, we’ll be living together eventually” situation, because that’s your person, and should be for no other reason. Period. High cost of living? Okay, find a buddy to split rent with.

All fights and no sex? Yikes, man. Fights suck. Sex doesn’t. You’re in a tough spot.

A one-year lease with a significant other doubles as a one-year relationship contract. And if you default on that contract, you’re going to pay for it, and it’s going to suck. My advice to you is talk to her about options. Maybe you can work something out? But also just talking it out might get your relationship back on the right track. Communication is very helpful.

P.S. Getting a dog is an even more binding contract than getting an apartment. It’s basically having a human child with someone, and you’ll have to fight over custody if you eventually split. Be smart, my friend.

Dorn,

I’ve been invited to a wedding by a buddy who I went to middle school with. We were good friends but once he left for a different high school, we lost touch. I’m grateful and somewhat surprised for the invite, but I haven’t seen him in years and won’t know anyone there. He gave me a plus one and I’m not sure who to take given that I just got out of a relationship. It’s a couple hours away so I’ll be getting a hotel. Should I bring a girl who I’ve been casually seeing with the risk of her reading into it? Bring a girl who is a friend? Bring a buddy with the chance we have a really good time but may strike out? Or, fly solo and give the social scene my best college try?

Really enjoy your writing. Have a great weekend!

Best,

Isaac

I know you didn’t ask me whether you should even go, but if you had, I’d tell you absolutely not. There’s no obligation here. Look at all the reasons not to go:

– You two have lost touch.
– You won’t know anyone there.
– You have to drive two hours there and two hours back.
– You have to pay for a hotel.
– You don’t know who to take as your plus one.

The invite sounds like the “this guy won’t come but we’ll get credit for inviting him” type. I wouldn’t go, man. Not a chance. But if you do, ask a girl you’ve been wanting to have sex with.

Dillon,

After getting frustrated with dating apps I have been trying to meet people the old-fashioned way. One of my coworkers is a pretty cool guy who is currently dating a girl but has a lot of single friends in the city. We aren’t super close, wouldn’t hang out 1:1 besides grabbing lunch at the office, but we are good as far as male/female work acquaintances go. I want to ask him to set me up, but don’t know how to approach this conversation without making it awkward. I think he may have dropped subtle hints about some of his friends. I’m pretty tall for a girl (6’0″), and anytime he mentions a male coworker/friend/roommate he always slips their height into the conversation and looks at me (“Yeah I think John is like, 6’5″, I feel short standing next to him” and “My roommate has super red hair and he’s 6’3”) But guys are also generally obsessed with height/weight statistics from all of the sports media they consume, so I’m probably reading too much into that. What’s my best line of approach for this or should I just leave it alone and download Bumble for the fortieth time?

I’m totally against the concept of being “set up.” I don’t really get it, actually. I hope people are as picky as I am regarding significant others, and I think one to two percent of the opposite sex is considered datable. What are the chances someone sets me up with a person that I would actually want to continue seeing? You want to set me up? Okay can I get a thousand pictures of this person and see a detailed personality assessment please? What makes you think I’d vibe with this girl?

I’m a proponent of Bumble/Hinge/whatever. You know immediately if they’re interested in you and you get to text with them before deciding to ask them out or not. It’s a very effective screening process. Download that shit and cast you a wider, more efficient net.

I think he’s definitely dropping hints for you by mentioning their heights.

P.S. You’re not “pretty tall.” You’re downright tall. That’s like 99.5 percentile tall.

How douchey is it to wear a tour visor from a course that isn’t your home club? I personally am a tour visor guy but I bought an ACC one at the WGC Match Play and can’t bring myself to wear it because of how douchey it is.

Uh, that’s not douchey at all. Like at all. Hitting the pro shop at destination courses is half the reason for going. It’s a souvenir that you can proudly wear, which makes it cool. It’s a subtle way to flex on people who haven’t been to those places. It tells a story and lets other golfers know you get around a bit. I don’t wear visors but I have a couple hats and about a million polos with logos from destination courses. They’re tight.

Hey Dillon,

Summer is comin up and one of my favorite things to do is throw the football. I’ve got good mechanics, decent footwork and solid accuracy in the short and intermediate range. The problem is, my long ball is weak. As a guy with a self proclaimed cannon of an arm I figured you were the best person to come to. I can let it rip until about 40-50 yards out, but then the mechanics break down and the ball flutters (regulation size ball, if its an intermediate size football I look like TB12 out there). Do chicks really dig the long ball? What can I do to get my numbers up? Or should I just stick to what I know and pepper my short to intermediate targets when I’m out on the beach this Summer?

P.S. I think that throwing a football is an integral part of being a man, I’ve never trusted anyone that can’t throw a football with some sense of competency.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a billion more times: The ability to throw the fuck out of a football is all natural. You’re born with it. It can’t be learned, and it can’t be taught. You can either throw the fuck out of it, or you can’t. So play to your strengths, of which launching a football is not one.

And yes, chicks love it. Ask TSM Veronica. She saw me throw a rock in the surf of the Caribbean and the tide came in about three feet.

Hey Dillon,

I’m getting married this fall, everything is great, I’m very excited. The bachelor party is being talked about now, and all the groomsmen are getting pumped.

Here is my question what’s the best way to go about bring up that hey I’m not really into the strip club/strippers thing? Personally I’m not a fan, been a few times wasn’t for me. I’d rather just get blacked out at a bar with friends and not pay for over priced drinks and have girls be fake into you. Also the fiancée is to big on them either and I don’t want to have a huge fight before the wedding.

I know a bunch of the guys going on the trip will want to hit up strip clubs or get a stripper. Any tips on how to bring it up or is it best just to go in the group text and straight up say not interested in getting strippers?

P.S. I know this makes me look like a bitch and I will receive shit for it.

Sounds a little to me like your not liking strip clubs has more to do with how your fiancée feels about it and less about you, but that’s none of my business.

Just tell them you don’t want to go to the scrip. It’s that easy. They’re your friends, man. Have to lay it out there.

___

The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Dillon graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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