When 15-year-old me made his Facebook profile as a scrawny little 9th grader, he was quite a fan of Nickelback at the time. So much so that he listed Nickelback under his favorite music along with hundreds of other artists. Eventually, Facebook made him “like” the Nickelback page, and ever since, his newsfeed has been graced with their updates. The today I got this:
There’s a lot going on here. Let’s break it down.
As far as soda goes, Coke and root beer are represented. Palm Bay iced tea seems to be a band favorite, however, I would have gone Arizona myself. Rounding out the canned drinks are club soda and tonic water, because sometimes you need to feel classy (or need a mixer). Add in an unidentifiable craft beer and that completes our top row.
Now the second shelf is more my style: stuffed with Corona. Some people hate on the Corona lifestyle, but I’m a huge Corona guy. Just throw a lime in there, because life’s a beach. Third shelf is stacked with a true American classic: Budweiser. You may call it “Bud Heavy,” you may call it “Bud Diesel,” you may simply call it “Bud,” or you may just call it “beer” like my uncle. Nickelback has raised some questions for me, however. Aren’t they from Canada? Where’s the Labatt Blue? They have the top Mexican beer and the top American beer, but no Canadian beer? Where’s the loyalty guys? All I have to say about all the beer in this fridge is slam as much as you can take and hand the bottle to me.
So far, this fridge is screaming, “Are we having fun yet?” But I have another question – where’s the whiskey? I love the whiskey, let’s drink that shit ‘til it’s dry. Chad Kroeger has a fist full of whiskey, so maybe that’s why it’s not in the fridge. Let’s move to the doors.
The right side has some overflow space for the beer. I see a lot of white wine at the bottom, and it better be pinot grigio. Joining the wine is a carton of juice. Also on the right door is the hangover slot, complete with Gatorade and Red Bull, which also doubles as a mixers slot. The left side of the door looks like two bottles of water, some jugs of cranberry juice, and some San Pellegrino. The left door is lame unless that cranberry is mixing and for mixing only. Cranberry juice is meant for getting so drunk that you say, “get your hands off this glass, last call my ass.”
Aaaand to the drawers. I think we found the liquor. My first glance at the drawers shows overflow for the top shelf, and it’s just all thrown together. Come on, guys. I know we just want to be some big rock stars, but let’s go for some organization here. I do see some Jäger and two different kinds of gin. My college teammates were all about mixing Bombay Sapphire with some raspberry lemonade, but it looks like Nickelback is probably going with gin and juice. Gin always leads to a good time. Lock ‘n load, I’m ready to go. Right, fellas?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. .