Just graduated college and your options are continuing that unpaid internship or flipping burgers? Well, that’s probably because you don’t live in one of these 10 cities. Forbes just released their list of the top 10 cities for new college graduates based on millennial population, jobs per 1,000 residents, lifestyle, unemployment rate, and median rent for a two-bedroom apartment. The good news is that the jobs are out there again. The bad news is that they’re all in cities that suck. I’ll go through the rankings below — let me know if I’m missing something, but honestly, I think I’ll keep my receptionist job somewhere the sun actually shines, thank you very much.
At only 4.9% unemployment, Cincinnati makes the cut for cities for new grads to check out. 27% of the citizens are millennials, but I’m assuming that’s because everyone older has already killed themselves due to depression from living in this filthy, disgusting, gray, smoggy shithole. I’d rather sleep on a futon in my parent’s guestroom and hear “when are you going to get a real job?” twice a day than move here in pursuit of a career.
A quarter of her citizens are millennials, and the median cost for a two-bedroom apartment is only a little over $1,500/month, meaning you’ll have some money to spare at the end of the month. The bad news is that all that extra cash is going straight to your gas fund, because we all know you’re commuting to D.C. I hope the cheaper rent is worth the three+ hour drive every day. The good news is that you won’t have to worry about maxing out your credit card on happy hour with your friends — you’ll be too busy stuck in traffic to do much anyway.
Raleigh’s unemployment rate is only 4.8%, so the odds are you’re going to be able to get SOME kind of job. Let’s just hope it’s in a decent part of town, though, because it won’t matter if you can afford that Rolex if it gets swiped off your wrist.
28% of Seattle’s population is comprised of millennials who apparently love being cold, wet, and depressed. If the 5.5% unemployment rate is appealing enough for you to pack up your bags, make sure you grab a raincoat and some anti-depressants for anytime you even consider stepping outside. On the bright side, an office without a window might not be that much of a downside here.
The good news is that 29% of Austin’s population are millennials. The bad news is that they’re all dirty hipsters. Go here if you love music festivals, dirty tacos made from questionable food trucks, and $9 kale juices, but if you’re a normal human who prefers Brooks Brothers over “thrift store chic,” you should probably just stay planted.
An insane 33% of Boston’s population are millennials, which is a GREAT thing for you, because you’re going to need to hunt down Craigslist roommates to be able to afford the median two-bedroom apartment rent of $4,498/month. I hope you work in finance or are inheriting your parents’ company if you plan on living here. If not, well, the reclining seats in your car aren’t that uncomfortable, and besides, your office gym has showers.
4. San Francisco
This city of dreams is really more of a nightmare when you consider that you’re going to have to cram six people in a two-bedroom apartment to afford that $5,255 rent. I guess I see where the phrase “starving artist” comes from now, but don’t worry, I’m sure the chances of getting a disease from going dumpster-diving are only….okay, they’re incredibly high. Don’t live here.
Denver’s stats aren’t too bad — 4.5% unemployment, average two-bedroom apartment runs around $2K/month — but the bad news is that you have to live in Denver. Unless you like to ski, and then wait in three-hour lines behind tourists who are smart enough to limit their stay in Denver to 48 hours, you probably shouldn’t make this your future home. If you’re coming from the South, pack a snow shovel. Don’t worry, shoveling sidewalks is only 75% as bad as your Facebook friends make it out to be.
Almost a third of Minneapolis residents are millennials, and you can easily afford a two-bedroom apartment at $1,772 a month. It’s a great place if you enjoy mediocre baseball and tourist-trap malls, but have fun getting to work behind that tour bus of Red Hat Ladies that squeal everytime the announcer mentions a factory store.
1. Washington, D.C.
Ahhh, the Holy Grail of this list. Our nation’s fine capital and home of the worst traffic outside Atlanta and L.A. It’s unclear if it’s more depressing to commute from Baltimore or pay over $3K a month for a two-bedroom apartment, but nevertheless, you’re in a huge city with tons of options for food and entertainment. Utilize that 4.9% unemployment rate to get paid….although don’t even think about getting a career in politics. Your Facebook from freshman year of college has already ruined that for you forever. I wish you the best of luck in the mediocre job you are most likely sure to obtain here..
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