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[Scene 1 begins in Anytown, USA]
Lying in bed with your latest fling, you decide to make a move. The Netflix comedy special you’ve been watching on your laptop has become stale and both of you know why you really came to your bedroom to watch this thing rather than do it in the living room.
The laptop gets set on the bedside table and that’s that. Some light kissing, maybe a move down to her neckline, and then clothes start to get taken off. The anticipation mounts with every breath and hand movement.
Five, ten, fifteen minutes of foreplay goes by and now it’s looking like it’s about go-time. Your head moves slowly from her neck down to her navel, and then you flip her over and dive in. It’s time, as the kids would say, to eat some ass.
[End scene]
Wait….what? Eating ass? Really?
When did this take off in the streets? I see awful memes every day on Instagram about eating ass. I read interviews from Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade about how they keep the spark alive in their relationship by eating each other’s assholes out and I honestly can’t believe it.
It’s come to a point on the internet where I don’t know what is being said in earnest and what is supposed to be a complete joke.
At 26, I’m finally ready to confess that there are fads on the internet now that are going completely over my head. It’s disappointing, to say the least. My sense of irony has been destroyed by Twitter and popular culture. Ironic memes are now en vogue and I don’t know which way is up. And I’m pretty sure my downfall as a guy who at one point claimed to “get” the internet sprung from this idea that people are eating ass.
It’s as if the entire world is in on some big joke that I didn’t get the memo for because there is just no way that there are this many people eating ass.
You know when you’re out to dinner or sitting in the living room with some friends and two of them are looking at something on their phone but they just forget that you’re there and don’t show you whatever it is that they’re looking at? I feel like the world wide web knows definitively whether or not people are eating ass and they just won’t tell me.
This isn’t a call to arms to go after ass eaters with pitchforks. I’m not advocating for any recourse against people who want to eat out another person’s butthole. But is it really happening or is this a joke on Twitter that has flown thirty thousand feet over my head? I guess I’ve seen the act done in porn before but I learned a very long time ago that there is a difference between sex in a porno and sex in real life.
I have no intention of trying this out, I just need some answers. I’m a confused old man who no longer understands what is happening around him. Eating ass? Crude internet hoax or real thing? I need answers. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Guys, you’re missing the point here. Collectively, we are all eating ass all the time. There are poop particles splattered all over everything. For example, The ocean is full of shit from animals and our own shit yet we scarf down lobsters and pay the full market rate to eat our own shit at top dollar prices. Talk about egotistical lol
This is hilarious. I never thought about it that way. We are indeed paying market rate to eat our own shit. What a time to be alive.
If you’ve never taken a shit in the ocean you are truly missing out
Gotta love a good aquadeuce
As a nurse I can tell you that I have absolutely had patients with weird raspy facial infections from doing this. The worst part is that they don’t come up with half assed excuses, they straight up admit it. I am not against a little anal play but please dear God keep your mouth up front.
half assed I see what you did there
This is something I could get behind.
Literally
Rashy* not raspy.
I imagined an infection with a smoker’s voice
Hahah I’m sure that’s not out of the question
Nurse Jackie!
Why do people climb mountains? Why do people run marathons? Why do people do drugs? Live life for the experiences and life is too short not to eat ass.
Eating ass is technically cheaper than an 8 ball
The rush you get from eating ass is pretty similar too
I am
Those girls really want that $1000-$5000 per day, huh?
ASU tuition can be pricey, they don’t have a choice
Associates degrees in hospitality aren’t free.
One of our couple friends tried to convince us this is the move in the bedroom. They’re weird, eating ass is gross, and everyone should be grateful they’re having sex not trying to guess what someone had for dinner the night before with their tongue.
As long as your partner is clean, its 100% the move…for giving and receiving.
Maybe I’m weird for liking it – but my sex life is pretty stellar.
I consider mine stellar as well, mainly because I don’t have my tongue in a poop chute every night
Ms. Emme is 100% correct here 19th! Especially with a partner you love when you’re both fresh out of the shower. It’s a relaxing and sensual bonding experience.
Post-Nair sup?
Where am I in the ‘sup line?
I would also like to throw in a “Sup?” for your consideration
Ay let me holla at ya girl
I’m with 19th I just can’t see myself ever going there.
Agree with Ms. Emme. Not with a random, but someone you are *dating*. If she asks, the answer is yes.
I’m with you on this. If your partner takes care of themselves and is healthy, it’s a strong move.
Congrats on the sex
Bite the pillow, I’m going in dry
Mildly rapey, 10/10 have done though
Proudly admitting to being “rapey” (more commonly known to many as being a rapist) is by far the grossest sexual act you can commit.
Hey its the return of the fun police.
Oh sorry to interrupt your fun. What’s more fun than sexual assault?
CHILL
You have the option like everyone else here to not comment on stuff that you do not agree with. Slightly ironic that your username is IDontCare, when you seem to voice your opinion on subjects that you care about.
Eat that ass til the cows come home.
Pulitzer Prize worthy comment
”Tis the SZN
So far as I’m concerned, no one should ever be that close to my asshole. Not so much because I think it’s weird, just that I know what kinds of stuff has come out of there and I think it’s only fair to spare them from that. Call me crazy.
eat ass but only when you’re drunk