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Everyone loves a good night out on the town. While you’re expected to slowly grow up as you age, you can’t help but still love to rage. Hopefully by now you’ve got one story of having at least a drink with a celebrity of some sort. The dream is getting hammered with a legendary party-animal of a celeb, so our writers make their pick for which alive/dead celebrity they’d love to rage with:
I would rage with Matt Stone and Trey Parker. So much of my humor is influenced by them. I would love to rip bingers and be a fly on the wall while they think of outlandish things to make episodes about. I can’t even imagine the shit they talk about that can’t be put on TV.– MadoffInvestment
John Mosby. Dude was a badass that would sneak into enemy camps in the middle of the night just to fuck with other generals and steal their stuff. One time he was trotting back and forth in front of an enemy regiment just to taunt them, and he got shot in the nuts. He escaped on his horse and was back in battle three weeks later. Would love to throw down with this guy.–Delph
I’d have to chill with Bob Marley. We’d have a good time chilling in Kingston with a tropical drink and doobie combo.– PostGradShibby
I’ve always been a huge Great Gatsby fan, and would love to go on a bender during the roaring 20s, so I’m taking F. Scott Fitzgerald. By all accounts he went decently hard, but I really just need him to get me into a Gatsby-esque party so I can douse myself in champagne and prohibition-era whiskey. — Kyle Bandujo
Bill Murray is my #1 draft pick. I want to throw back a dangerous number of shots and pop bottles with this guy. Maybe get some tasteful matching ass tats. Cinderella story, outta nowhere.–Taylor Stovall
Gronk, and that’s the only acceptable answer. I feel like I don’t need to explain myself here– Improper Brostonian
Going Dirk here. He’s German, so you know he drinks 10,000 beers. Remember those pics with Steve Nash? Google “Dirk and Nash drunk” and have fun. I know it would end with me weirding him out by the end of the night after telling him how important he is to D/FW sports over and over again, but I’d regret nothing. — Dave
The Happy Mask salesman in “Zelda: Ocarina of Time”– JR Hickey
Michael Scott. In the fictional Office world, Michael is now married to Holly and probably has some kids to go along with his full-on middle-aged status. From my recollection, he’s somewhat of a lightweight of a drinker, so I’d imagine that I’d get the most awesomely awkward, funny, and somehow also wise moments out of him after only a few shots at Poor Richard’s. — Intern Evan
Johnny Manziel. He’s probably not long for this earth and I’d like to see what all the hype is about.– John Duda.
Respond
Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
Mine is Sean Bean.
Sean Bean got stabbed at a party once and instead of going to the hospital he ordered more drinks. He was out with a former Playboy Playmate. That is a man I want to drink with.
One does not simply walk into a hospital.
Plus the dude definitely has stories about Dinklage, Wood, Damon, Bale, etc.
I’d have to go with Frank Zappa. The guy was insane but in the good way. He was probably one of the greatest guitarists in history but also played numerous instruments and sang satirical outlandish songs that he wrote himself. Everyone wanted to be in his band John Frusciante (former guitarist for RHCP tried out when he was 16). He had a genius IQ in the 170’s. He told it like it was with no bullshit. He ran for office and railed against the media, corporate greed, religion, and social structures and he ran as a Republican. He had a newly found species of jellyfish named after him. He influenced Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, and The Beatles. The only person to rip a guitar solo live while shaking hands with people in the audience at the same time. The guy was a beast at life.
For me, the answer changes depending on what kind of celebrity. Movie stars, athletes, and musicians all have their own appeal. Ernest Hemingway seems like a pretty good choice to me, though. War correspondent, big game hunter, avid fisherman, boxer, professional drinker. The guy did it all.
If we’re allowed dead people and a liberal use of celebrity, Winston Churchill for sure. The man was a goldmine of drunk quotes, plus the whole beating Hitler thing kinda makes him a big deal.
Probably going to get down-voted into oblivion for this but I just don’t get the Bill Murray hype. The dude has a handful of good movie parts. Caddyshack was legendary but he wasn’t even the funniest character in that movie.