======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Til’ death do us part. It’s only five words. It’s also the most dangerous series of words in the English language, behind the words “Nothing, I’m fine,” from your girlfriend. Those words symbolize the beginning of the end for most people, because marriage will undoubtedly ruin your life. Think I’m kidding? We have over a 50% divorce rate. That means half the guys in this country owe their wives half their stuff. That’s a shitty way to go after anywhere between 3 months to 30 years of marriage.
Now, marriage works for some people. My parents, for example. They fight occasionally over normal, married for 30 years problems, but they’re also the kind of people that fall into the “soul mates” category. For almost everyone else, stop it. Stop it right now. Subjecting yourself to a medium term “tax form official” status relationship will only lead to lawyers, insulting phone calls, weird holiday swaps for the kids and a seething resentment of your former partner that you can capitalize on well into your late 80s. The problem is, you are committing to a lifetime of loving someone who may very well change along the way. I suppose someone might say that’s the beauty of marriage, but I tend to not like putting all my eggs in a basket that could one day decide it wants to bone the pool boy instead, and leaves with me with a several hundred thousand dollar bill over my head. Then I’ve got nothing except that aforementioned seething resentment. See where I’m coming from here? Marriage is a gamble with low odds and uncertain ROI. If the people that invented it were pitching it on Shark Tank, everyone would have been out by the time they finished describing how property rights work once people get married.
Perhaps I’m being cynical and unfair. In my family, a great number of marriages are absolutely fine, but there are still big, hot button family issues after that many years of marriage. Any long-term relationship will develop these, but those relationships have the benefit of not being life-long contracts.
As a single guy with a bunch of friends that are tying the knot, it’s like each couple merges into one person after they get married. It becomes increasingly difficult to see only part of a married couple because they go about their lives as if marriage has suddenly turned them into conjoined twins. You know who I don’t want to see on our boys weekend away from the women in our lives? The woman in your life. Or worse, her and your kids. I get that you have a family, with duties and responsibilities, but is it too much to ask that I don’t have to see them while we’re catching up over beers and incredibly poor life decisions.
The worst curse I could ever think to be thrown someone’s way is that they find themselves married soon. If you find exactly the right person, it’s bliss. Statistics, however, show that about half of American marriages are so pathetically not blissful that they end in a split. Til’ death, indeed. I’d much rather be cautious on pulling the trigger on marriage in favor of a series of long term relationships. If and when you find the one for you, great. If not, then just enjoy life as it is. The need to rush into marriage that some people get is terrifying and irresponsible. A spur of the moment decision to spend the rest of your life with someone? Genius move.
At the end of the day, everyone has to do what is right for them. For some people, getting married with kids at 20 “works”, but in the sense that they have to work to make it work. Very few people graduate high school and go, “I want to be a stay-at-home parent.” More and more, I think traditional marriage has become this outmoded thing that doesn’t fit how our society works currently. When it was created, you lived to 35 or 40, tops. Today, we live twice as long. The expectation that you will spend the next 50-70 years with one person is pretty damn demanding. Just in terms of personal development, I’m going to have to err on the side of near perpetual bachelor or bachelorette status.
If you do think that getting hitched is your cup of tea, make sure the right legal protections are in place and then take the age old advice: eat, drink, remarry.
Respond
Whiskey_Ginger
Whiskey Ginger is a drink commonly found in your average bar, and a guy who makes bad decisions in the name of internet comedy journalism. This one is the latter.
@jqwhiskeyginger
I’d rather be thrown in jail then get married before I’m 27.
Because that’s essentially what it is. You’ll have no money, you’ll always fight about money.
Be fucking secure in your fucking job before you think about starting a fucking family. Because it’s not fucking easy.
So you’d like to get thrown in jail and then get married before your 27?
Fucking this. I’ve already decided that 27 is the absolute earliest I’m getting married, and I’d prefer to wait until I’m at least 30. Live for yourself while you’re young. Get all of your crazies out and go do the things that you want to do before you have to inevitably settle down and dedicate your life to another person/people. How can you be a good parent if you still long to go see the world and take stupid and crazy (but fun) risks?
Fuckidy fuck fuck fuck
This was just retarded. Complete waste of time.
Would you be willing to invest half of every material possession you own into an investment that has over a 50% chance of failing? What about your kids, your dignity, and your emotional stability?
The numbers don’t lie. Maybe if you were a financial analyst you might understand..
Sorry, Jimmy, but your analysis is flawed as well. Not every marriage has a 50% chance of failure.
“Right now … 72 percent of people are still married to their first spouse — that’s Census Bureau data. And of the 28 percent who are no longer married to their first spouse, Feldhahn said that a good chunk of those people were married when their husband or wife died and were never actually divorced. So, theoretically, the divorce rate must fall somewhere below the 28 percent mark.”
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/05/06/is-everything-weve-been-told-about-marriage-and-divorce-completely-wrong/
There are plenty of factors that make that outcome more or less likely, such as age and education. In fact, I’m curious how much the “50%” statistic is influenced by the people who serially marry and divorce. If you do your due diligence in finding a mate, the chance of the marriage ending in divorce can be much lower.
Dude, you’re quoting The Blaze. I don’t trust a news outlet run by Glenn Beck to use any kind of real math.
Being the office “numbers guy.” PGP
Hahaha, you are quoting perhaps the most bullshit source in all of existence. Come back with real numbers.
“Marriage is out dated” “Unless it works for you”
Can’t have it both ways. Pick a side and go with it.
I think it was a great piece of writing. It may have a few flaws but based on current trends, changes to the way our society lives, and the divorce rate, I think it’s spot on. It challenges the norm, sure, but there is definitely a problem with the married life when over 50% end in divorce. It’s not pessimism, it’s a realistic look at a depressing topic.
In some countries marriages are contracts that expire at the end of 1 or 5 years. They can be renewed, or they can be left to expire. It’s not some messy divorce or legal battle. They just end and the ex-partners go their separate ways. No one loses money, possessions, etc.
I personally think that system would work great in the United States. With a marriage that could potentially end one day, both men and women would have to maintain the relationship and would undoubtedly put more effort into keeping their partner happy. Instead of having your wife or husband wrapped around your finger for the rest of your life, you have that small voice in the back of your head that says, if I don’t keep my significant other happy they’ll be gone when the agreement expires. Makes sense to me.
Nice writing Whiskey.
Great job on this, Whiskey. People love to tell themselves that marriage works because, “it’s what we’re supposed to do” but nobody has a clear reason to say why we’re supposed to except for reproduction. Go have fun and settle down when you’re ready, kiddos.
Duds will you marry…not me, but F?
Is this your way of telling me to not expect a ring anytime soon?
We’re still getting married, Nanner. Just all non-traditional like.
No that’s being done tomorrow.
Your pessimism and selfish outlook on life is a prime example of why the rate is at 50%. Hook up culture is more dangerous for society than marriage.