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The other day, while going through my morning routine of perusing every social media app I have in a desperate attempt to stave off the fact that I have to work, I noticed something. I was checking to see who had liked my Snapchat story (because I’m a narcissist), and I realized that my followers were a very weird mix of people. There were my friends, obviously, but then there were others. Many others. There were girls I had gone on two dates with and never talked to again. There were former coworkers and acquaintances from several jobs ago. There were old Tinder hookups from college. Basically, most of my followers (who had decided to waste 10 seconds of their life watching a video of me giggling when my Amazon Echo said there was a 69% chance of rain) were people I had little to no connection to in real life. And yet, inexplicably, they regularly checked in on me via social media.
Now, I’m sure most of these people just never get around to culling their contact list and probably just clicked on my story to get rid of the notification. But some of them must have actually watched, and some of them must watch regularly. This behavior is not limited to Snapchat, either. My friend lists on social media are littered with people I knew very briefly, a long time ago, and have had no contact with ever since, and I’m willing to bet many of yours are the same. Not only does it serve no purpose, it can actually negatively affect your life.
Social media is a great tool when used correctly. Snapchat helps me keep track of all the drunken shenanigans my friends are getting up to across the country. I let my parents follow me on Instagram so they can feel involved in what I’m doing instead of bugging me to send them photos all the time. Facebook helps me keep tabs on old friends and see how their lives are progressing. Twitter has no redeeming qualities, but where else am I going to spew all my stupid thoughts and half-assed jokes? All of these apps help us stay connected, and for the most part, that’s a great thing. No one has time to have weekly phone calls with all the people they care about, and even the group chats dry up some times. The fact that we have easy ways of keeping tabs on the people we care about, even when our own life gets too hectic to reach out personally, is a great thing. Except when it makes us too connected.
Realistically, there are about 100 people in my life that I truly care about and want to stay connected with. And yet, my Facebook friend list is nearing ten times that. Because it’s so easy, I feel the need to stay connected with people I briefly interacted with in my past, and whose lives I honestly don’t care about. Instead of keeping closer tabs on my friends and family, I now have my attention split amongst the lives of hundreds of people that are, for all intents and purposes, strangers.
While all these connections can be overwhelming, it gets even worse when you add relationships into the mix. In our parents’ time, if you went through a bad breakup, you could at least find solace in the fact that you never had to see them again. Breakups are like a dislocated shoulder. The longer you wait to heal, the worse it’s going to hurt when you try to. The only way to truly get over someone is a clean break (this is no longer part of the shoulder metaphor), and social media makes that so much harder. Instead of having to make an active choice to stay in touch with our exes like our parents would have to, we have to make an active choice to disconnect.
After a breakup, you have to go to each of social medias and block or remove your ex, and even then, it might not be enough. Facebook could show you a picture of him and his new girlfriend that your mutual friend liked. You could watch a Snapchat of her sucking face with a rando on one of her friend’s stories. As easy as it is to give out the advice “block them and all their friends on all platforms,” that advice is hard as hell to take when you’re heartbroken. Studies have shown that brains going through heartbreak react similar to brains going through heroin withdrawal, and with the ease of social media, it’s like having a big heroin buffet just sitting on your desk at all times.
Even though it may suck at times, or feel like we’re being rude, or feel like we’re losing friends, we have to learn to disconnect. Just because you used to be friends, or acquaintances, or coworkers, or went on one shitty Bumble date, doesn’t mean you have to keep tabs on that person. It’s okay to admit you don’t give a shit what’s going on in their lives and to unfollow. It’s time to disconnect from people you don’t care about. Except for me, of course. Definitely follow me on Twitter and Snapchat. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
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I’ve started deleting people on Facebook on their birthdays. I know it’s kinda shitty but if your name comes up and I haven’t talked to you in a few years/have no idea who you are, away you go. A good social media clean up every once in a while is so good for the soul.
I go on an unfriending purge every now and the . Very enjoyable.
I get people asking me months later “why did you unfriend me?” and I say “Have you taken the time to talk to me in the past year?” That shuts them up. Given I don’t talk to them but that’s why I’m cutting them.
Right!? Why do people that I never see or talk to need to know my business?
I do this as well. I find it very effective. I wish there was a way to unfriend in mass, check boxes next to peoples’s names on Facebook and click “unfriend selected. But you have to go through them individually (perhaps this is by design).
I’ve been doing this for a while now. Once a year has past the list is completely free of people you didn’t care about. It’s quite refreshing.
I just do the hide from feed feature. Then as far as they are concerned we are still friends, but I don’t have to look at what they post.
I do this for easily offended people. Also basically everyone I love who had obnoxiousness political posts during the presidential election.
This. The birthday list is the easiest and best way to do it without having to actually put any effort in it. Can knock out a few a week.
Same. It’s the best way to spot people you don’t really know on FB
I never unfriend anyone on Facebook because 1) I’m lazy 2) Leaving those people as “friends” is harmless, imo and 3) Apparently quite a few of them read my articles when I share them, even if they don’t comment or leave a like. And the few times I run into those people at hometown bars or wherever, they compliment me and say they enjoy reading my stuff, which is kind of flattering. So I just keep everyone. I’m sure Dave & Co. appreciate the extra 10 page views coming from my loyal following in Will County, Illinois.
I joined Instagram not too long ago, and it’s kind of funny that a bunch of people from high school are starting to add me when I haven’t talked to them in years. I’m not going to lie, even if it’s a passive way to check on my life and theirs, it still feels good to realize you’re thought of.
I’m a huge proponent of the clean break method. A few minutes of time upfront can save many of hours of hurt on the back end.
I agree, easier to just cut it and move on. I hope any of my exs are happy, but I don’t want to see any of them haha
Don’t hate on Twitter. Twitter is the world’s fastest news source. If you follow the right people, it’s incredibly informative. I new about th I85 bridge fire in Atlanta 45 minutes before it ever got reported in the media. Also sports news and updates.
Twitter is a dumpster fire of a media but I love it. No hate here.
Did an Instagram purge last night. Deleted anyone I saw that: I haven’t spoken to within the last year, don’t remember how I know them, or only post random weird pictures/selfies with equally weird captions.
When I go through my social media purges I have a very simple rule of thumb: ‘If I ran into this person again, would they know that I un-friended them and would it be awkward?’ If the answer is no, then away they go!
I didn’t even know I needed this – brb purging my facebook “friends” list.
If I go above 225 FB friends I do a check and usually eliminate 1 or 2. At 216 now and I still feel like I could dump a few. The idea of being connected to random acquaintances actually freaks me out. Honestly if it weren’t how I got 90% of my invites I’d just lose FB all together. Twitter is cool though for news and funny accounts. Never messed with Instagram and Snap Chat, all that crap.