What Your Online Dating Profile Would Say If You Told The Truth

What Your Online Dating Profile Would Say If You Told The Truth

My Self-Summary

What You Say: Lover of all things pink and girly, lip balm addict, fro-yo enthusiast. I seem like a diva on the outside, but once you get to know me, I’m actually pretty deep. I love to socialize and be around other people, and I especially love kids! I definitely want to have my own some day. I think your life is about the people you surround yourself with, and as long as you’re with people who can make you laugh, you’ll be okay. I love the outdoors and to be amid nature. I got my undergraduate degree in psychology from the University of Delaware (the greatest place on Earth!), then lived at home for a year, until my amazing job took me to Austin, and I’ve been here ever since!

The Truth: I’ve only dated one guy who hasn’t called me crazy. I’m VERY high-maintenance. If you take me camping, I will kill myself.

What I’m Doing With My Life

What You Say: I have a full-time job with an online media company which I absolutely love! I moved here for it from New Jersey. I plan to be with the company for awhile, and who knows what’s next?! I don’t have much of a five-year-plan. I’m more of a live-in-the-moment kind of person. I like to spend my weekends trying out new restaurants, hitting up some wineries, or just overall exploring what this amazing city has to offer!

The Truth: Eating. Drinking in excess. Watching TV. Working on the internet. I have no idea when I’ll not be doing those things.

I’m Really Good At

What you say: Organizing, learning new things, cooking, bringing out the adventurous side in people, and faking a British accent (at least I think so!),

The truth: Dodging phone calls from my mother, drinking without puking, and pretending I don’t want to physically assault grocery store cashiers who try to make conversation with me. I have no other skills.

The First Things People Usually Notice About Me

What You Say: I guess my eyes! I’ve always gotten compliments on them, haha.

The Truth: It’s likely that 85% of the people I know don’t know what color my eyes are. I do get compliments on them, though. The first thing I notice about most other people is their general size, so I’d have to assume what most people notice first about me is that I’m very short, and could stand to lose 10-15 pounds.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

What You Say: The Great Gatsby, of course!
The Truth: I don’t read. I used to read, but I quit when the fourth Harry Potter book had over 600 pages. For years, I’ve made excuses as to why, but there is no excuse. I’m just lazy, and I’d rather play Candy Crush.

What You Say: Dirty Dancing. I can’t help it! I’m the ultimate girly girl.
The Truth: Backdoor Sluts 9

What You Say: How I Met Your Mother, maybe? I don’t watch a ton of TV.
The Truth: I don’t watch a ton of TV. I literally make it the background of my life. I feel physically uncomfortable if people are in my house and the TV isn’t on. I feel even more uncomfortable if I’m by myself and the TV isn’t on. Maybe it’s because I spend so much time alone. BRB. Crying to myself as I watch four reruns of Friends.

What You Say: I love all types of music! Rap, pop, country, alternative, whatever!
The Truth: Justin Bieber.

What You Say: Sushi
The Truth: Cheese

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without

What You Say: Friends, family, macaroni & cheese (does that count as one or two?), the beach, laughter, and glitter!
The Truth: Wine, Xanax, Advil, wine, a good bitchfit to my mom, wine.

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About

What You Say: Anything and everything! I’m a dreamer, if you will. I like to let my mind wander. I tend to analyze (okay, overanalyze) things sometimes, but I’m just fascinated by human behavior, and different philosophies, and why we think the things we do (I told you I majored in psychology!). Also, whether or not I’m doing downward-facing dog correctly, lol.

The Truth: Whether or not my boss knows I’m on Facebook.

On A Typical Friday Night I Am

What You Say: Usually out with friends, hitting up the bars, but I am always down for a quiet movie night in with a glass of wine!

The Truth: In Blackout City. Whether I get there from my couch or at the bar is irrelevant. On Friday night, I am blacked out.

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit

What You Say: I keep up with the Kardashians

The Truth: Nothing. I am unwilling to admit anything private to you. I am unwilling to admit most things that everyone knows about me to you, internet stranger.

I’m Looking For

What You Say: I’m looking for that special someone to come home to! I want a nice, funny, ambitious guy who’s willing to take me out and show me off, but most importantly someone I can sit around and giggle with over absolutely nothing. “It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all day Saturday with.”

The Truth: Anyone who will love me. Anyone.

You Should Message Me If

What You Say: If you’re a cool person, who thinks we’d get along! I promise I don’t bite!

The Truth: If you’re not a creeper, and you are still interested after reading all of the horrifying truths about me, message me. Actually, don’t. Anyone who is interested after reading all that is certifiably insane. I’m buying a cat.

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is a writer, editor and content manager for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays.

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