======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I’ve been spending a lot of time on airplanes lately. Between Europe and my upcoming trip to the Outer Banks in North Carolina, I’ll have been on seven planes in one month, which blows my meager record of three in one month out of the water.
By no means am I a professional flyer — far from it. I don’t have Pre-Check and I still wear fully-laced shoes when going through security. However, I do consider myself to be an above average people watcher. Between my commute to work, people I don’t know very well in my office, going to the gym, and my commute home, I would say I make up stories for somewhere between 10-20 people every day.
Now throw an entire airplane full of people into the mix and I’m ready to rumble. Something that I always try to pick up on is how people are entertaining themselves during the flight. From there, I think it’s safe to make a few assumptions.
Music
Chances are you’re a pretty normal person. Whether you made a playlist specifically for this trip or downloaded a few albums, you probably know how to occupy yourself for at least an average 3-4 hour flight.
Podcasts
Similar to music, there isn’t much to see here. You know what keeps you entertained, and you’re going after it. The only difference here is dependent on the podcast itself. General comedy, sports, or entertainment podcasts are good to go, but once we start veering into politics and news, there’s a slightly pretentious vibe being put out.
Book
Whenever I see someone reading a book on a plane, I think two things: “That sucks, they must have forgotten their headphones,” or, “Wow, how are they able to concentrate?” Look, there’s nothing wrong with reading a book while you’re traveling. I just feel like in this day and age there are so many other ways to entertain yourself that books actually require more effort.
Sleep
As a person who has a ton of trouble sleeping on planes, if you’re able to pull this off then I am incredibly envious. Catch those Zs, you plane sleepers.
Movie (Provided By Airline)
Huge roll of the dice on this one. Depending on the airline you’re flying, you could have your pick of fun-filled Oscar-nominated and critically-acclaimed films, or you could end up getting stuck watching Caddyshack 2 rethinking all of your choices that led you to this point. Needless to say, if you’re watching the movie provided by the airline, you’re a gambler.
Movie (Downloaded By You)
You know what you want and you don’t care who knows it. If you took the time to download a movie to your phone or tablet or whatever before the flight, then you know exactly what’s going to keep you from wanting to bash your head against your tray table for the next 3-4 hours. If you’re traveling for vacation, you probably have a thoroughly planned itinerary.
Talking To Your Seatmate
The social norms on an airplane are something that are yet to be written down, but I can say for certain that if your game plan for a flight is to talk to the person sitting next to you the whole time, then you probably don’t take others’ feelings into consideration often. Think about it. That person you’re chatting it up with probably had a podcast they were super excited to listen to. Or maybe they downloaded a few episodes of Riverdale because the show was getting good and they couldn’t wait to find out what happens next. The longer you’re talking to them, the more time you’re taking away from their personal in-flight entertainment.
That is, unless you have a damn good story. Then it’s more acceptable.
Doing Work
I think the worst part about watching people do work on an airplane is that I totally understand why they’re doing it. There’s nothing else to do, you’re stuck on a plane for who knows how long, so why not pump out some reports or something? I get it. However, that doesn’t mean that when I see people working on an airplane I don’t immediately think that they think they’re more important than I am.
Drinking
Ideally, this is a group of friends who all booked the trip together and now they’re running up a tab the likes of which the American Airlines flight attendant has never seen. That’s all well and good, and if that’s you, just know that you’re the envy of almost everyone on the plane (minus the hungover shmucks two rows behind you).
However, if you’re on your own and you’re ordering multiple cocktails on a 9:00 a.m. flight, there may be a larger problem at hand. .
Respond
Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
@therescharlie
@herescharlie
herescharlie
Game of Thrones sex scenes with no headphones on while sipping a Fresca lol
One of the only movies on my laptop is Inglorious Basterds and I only sit in the aisle. I’m sure the people sitting behind me love watching a close up shot of a Nazi getting scalped
Don’t we all.
Alpha move
I still have my game boy advance that i only use for long flights. This says that you are still a child at heart, and probably have a shitty credit score. Maybe that’s just me.
Gotta catch em all
Pounded 4 cocktails on a morning cross country flight because my drink coupons were about to expire. The stewardess was just radiating judgement.
I support you and your use of coupons
For me, it’s a book until I’m drunk enough to sleep
Big fan of this method. Add in some instrumental music on the headphones and you’ve nailed the trifecta
100% the move
I have no clue how people accomplish something mentally stimulating like work or reading while listening to music with lyrics – how do you maintain focus? Instrumentals are the go to.
Breaking of the Fellowship from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack has been my go-to since college. It’s on my 1-song playlist on endless repeat and it helps me zone out everything around me and just focus on reading/work
It’s gotta be lyrics I know by heart so I can tune them out easily
Found a pile of free Southwest Drink tickets (we’re talking about 50) at work and I’ve been getting hammered for free on the last three flights. Don’t expire until 12/18 so I’ve got a happy six months ahead.
Have been lucky enough to make 6 trips from the east coast to Hawaii in my life. The trips ranged from 12 to 16 hour total travel time and required extremely careful planning. Multiple movies, magazines and newspapers, music, and sleep deprivation the night prior to the trip were necessary.
One of the most interesting reads out of all my flights was in a newspaper that had posted all of the letters and stories from Eric Rudolph after his capture that he’d sent to his parents while on the run in the Appalachian mountains. Guy can rot in hell for what he did but surviving in the mountains and evading the FBI for 5 years made for some very readable content.
Sleep deprivation is risky. I tried that before Europe and it backfired. Being away for 40 hours is fun…
Hawaii is barely worth it from the west coast. Unfortunately I have to go again this year.
Nobody feels bad for you for getting to go to Hawaii again
Not asking you to, I just can’t imagine 16 hours of travel time to goto Hawaii.
Depends where you are going. Waikiki/Honolulu? Agreed. Kauai or Maui? Wrong.
I’ll gladly take your place
RIP SkyMall catalogs…some of the best in-flight entertainment back in the day
Unfortunately, I fall into the Doing Work category every damn time.
Love when the guy in front of you decides to lean back and you have to type with your laptop in your stomach
My go to move is slump down with my knees jammed into the seat in front of me to start the flight. Once they try to lean back and can’t they’ll give up and you can relax
Platinum Status = Bulkhead Seats. Gone are the days of the laptop in the stomach
Pro tip if you are ever flying on Avianca: the first drink is free, but you can still get up and go to the back to ask for another double 4-5 times.
reading then nap then booze
agree but booze first