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Hello! It’s Monday! What a wonderful Monday to be alive! Out here on the west coast, it’s 5:30 a.m. I woke up in a panic from a quite frankly, restless night of sleep, with this nagging that I couldn’t shake.
“Oh, shit” I mumbled to myself, as I flicked on my bedside salt lamp. That’s right, I have a salt lamp. My sister got me one for Christmas because she’s FAR trendier than I am and apparently it will help me with my, ironically enough, restless sleep.
Anywho, here’s the deal. I woke up in a panic because last night I forgot to do the one thing the bosses asked me to do. It was my turn to submit What I Spent This Weekend and like the slacker freelance employee that I am, I totally forgot.
Instead, I spent my entire Sunday evening in bed with a chocolate croissant and a glass of red wine as I watched my first ever UFC fight as per the recommendation from the boys who Touch Base. I then proceeded to follow Super Sage Northcutt on every social media platform out there because, well, you know why.
So anyway, now it’s Monday morning and instead of sleeping in until noon as the Presidents would have wanted, I’m sitting at my desk at 6 a.m. This is my own fault, and I know it.
Join me as I log into my online bank account, mainline a large black coffee, and recount to you what I spent this weekend. Happy President’s Day from my pajamas to yours.
Friday
What I Spent:
– Large Black Coffee, Water Bottle, String Cheese, $9
– Casa Martin, $45
I am usually an avid gym goer on Fridays. I’d say it’s because I’m really committed to my fitness, but that’s not true. It’s because on Friday my favorite spin instructor teaches. He screams things like “You’re sitting on a stationary bike in the middle of LA and you look like an idiot — so ride!” and that’s the kind of motivation I need.
Following my hour-long workout in which I was berated by a man in spandex, I showered, stole a ton of Kiehl’s shampoo (niche joke alert), and made my way to my local Mexican restaurant that I frequent once a week.
How I Saved:
During dinner, I drank two jalapeno margaritas accompanied by two fish tacos and an order of shrimp nachos for the table. You’d think that’s probably not a savings, but get this: I was so full from dinner I went home, got in bed, and fell into a sodium-induced slumber by 10 p.m. What I didn’t do was go to the bars with my friends and spend money on watered down vodka sodas like they begged me to do. So yeah, I’ll hop on the pedestal if you insist.
Where I Should Have Saved:
I probably should stop spending $9 every Friday on my pre-workout snack of coffee and string cheese but I am who I am, you know?
Saturday
What I Spent:
– TurboTax, $120
– Bottle of wine, $15
Saturday morning I woke up and opted out of brunch with my friends. We have a standing beach volleyball game on Saturdays and generally speaking I perform better without a breakfast burrito weighing me down. Instead, I read the newspaper, had coffee with my parents, and told them I loved them a dozen times because I’m still coming down from Madoff’s tear-inducing column from last week.
Saturday afternoon I played beach volleyball, took a very long nap in the sun in which I acquired a very un-sexy sunburn, and contemplated going out for for a total of 15 minutes before deciding against it. Instead, I rode my bike to the liquor store, balled out on a $15 bottle of wine, and watched the Olympics from the comfort of my girlfriend’s couch. It. Was. Bliss.
How I Saved:
I’m sorry, but you read the above correctly, right? I opted out of the bars two nights in a row. That’s literally millions of dollars in savings. I deserve a goddamn award.
Where I Should Have Saved:
I’m not entirely sure, but I think there may have been a cheaper alternative to TurboTax. That being said, I had three 1099’s to file, plus my W-2, so I don’t begrudge whatever operating system computed my data the $120.
Sunday
What I Spent:
– Brunch Supplies, $25
– Stamps, $10
– Dry Cleaning, $60
– Flowers, $12
On Sunday I made brunch for my Aunts and Uncles. Frittata, chocolate croissants, and Champagne were on the menu. I bought the stamps while I was at the store to respond to a letter from my ex-boyfriend in London. We have a frighteningly healthy relationship. So much so, that I’m sure whomever I date next will be “uncomfortable with our friendship,” and I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I wrote him a letter whilst imagining him whispering sweet nothings to me in that British accent of his. Judge me, whatever.
The price of dry cleaning will never cease to amaze me. Like, what exactly are they doing to the clothes? Give me a bottle of Febreze and a mini steamer and I’m fairly confident I could replicate the outcome. That being said I’m a “young professional” so to the dry cleaners I went.
I picked up the wine and the flowers from the corner market by my house. I bought the flowers mostly because when you’re single, that’s what you do for yourself. Also…the shop guy made me feel guilty for smelling them. “You smell them, you buy them,” he said with his eyes.
How I Saved:
Okay, so Sunday wasn’t my most economical of days. I didn’t really save anywhere. I did have a Bumble date cancel on me though! That’s a potential savings because I’m about 80% sure we would have split the check. I’m confident about that statement considering he was wearing a “we should all be feminists” shirt in his profile. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all about splitting the check. I’m just saying his canceling provided my bank account a little respite from another meal of artisanal pizza and wine. So thanks, Sam, I guess.
Where I Should Have Saved:
I probably shouldn’t have dry cleaned so many items or purchased the flowers. But come on, what’s a girl supposed to do? Go to work in a wrinkled suit? Walk away from a whimpering flower salesman? You see my predicament.
Total: $296
Considering I got my taxes done and spent the weekend fairly un-hungover, I’m considering this a W. That being said, I have today off, the weather’s nice, and I’ve got a hankering for bottomless brunch I may not be able to shake. Check back in with me tonight — we’ll see how high and mighty I’m feeling then..
Respond
CallMeVictoria
Life is messy, let's get dirty. itwasvictoria@gmail.com
@callmevictoria
@itwasvictoria
A “frighteningly healthy relationship” wouldn’t include you imaging your ex whispering sweet nothings to you….
Definitely overspent on Turbo Tax. The more expensive the software, the more it’s geared toward people who have difficult taxes (small business owners, may own rental property, etc.). Any standard tax software can take care of as many 1099s and W2s as you need. I usually pay $20 for H&R Block Premium and it does everything I need it to (all sorts of income and deductions, taxes on investments, etc.). Small pro tip for next year!
Also Turbo Tax spends millions every year lobbying against any kind of tax reform that would make it cheaper or easier for us to file our own taxes, so I refuse to use them on principle.
Wow I had no idea about this. The lobbying makes sense from their business standpoint, but we as consumers can also vote with our wallet and not buy their software.
Would be lying if I said I didn’t also call my parents to tell them “I love you” after reading Madoff’s beautifully emotional piece.
Went home yesterday and saw my parents yesterday. Nothing like a good ugly-cry to remind you that face time with the family is important.
Second advocate for the H&R Block online free or very reasonable $20 premium service. I got my return direct deposited this year in 9 days from file, which was nice.
3 Day weekend with the wife, the sister and her BF in NOLA. No need to discuss that spending….
I made a comically best stab at day-trading last year and ended up with like a hundred bucks in capital loss. When I tried to use TurboTax for free like I always do, and entered I had some 1099s, the fucker wanted to make me pay EXTRA to declare that I had lost money. Since I always declare a single allowance and don’t get a refund, this would mean paying for tax preparation out of pocket .
Long story short, I discovered you can use CreditKarma.com’s tax preparation and get 1099s included for free. This year I went back to TurboTax because the interface is nicer and I only invested in my 401K, though.
*comically bad
Loving all the PGP cross promo in this article
$120 for TurboTax with only a W2 and 1099s?! You got ripped off! A CPA wouldn’t even charge you that much!
Opting out of the bars Friday to wake up refreshed and ready to knock out your taxes on Saturday – PGP