What Guys Wish Girls Were Thinking During Sex

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“I’m on my way.”

Ladies, the jackass finally caught the hint that you’re in the mood for some hot bedroom manhandling. He’s a complete dickhead, but as much as his cocky asshole attitude annoys you, he knows how to hit all your hot spots. Okay, maybe that was too generous. Frankly, he’s just good enough to clear out the cobwebs after a long dry streak, and he can’t say no to you. Besides, your vibrator and those abnormally long baths can only replace the real thing for so long.

At least that’s how it was described to me, about me, by an old hookup, but I digress. We’ve seen what girls are really thinking during sex, but we guys obviously aren’t thinking during sex, as there’s barely enough blood in our brain to prevent irreversible brain damage while we’re hard at work down there. But what do guys wish girls were thinking during sex? You will probably not be surprised at all.

  • “He’s huge! I didn’t think he was going to fit.”
  • “He’s a million times better than my ex-boyfriend (who he thinks is a total douche nozzle). My ex isn’t half the man he is.”
  • “I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow.”
  • “I’m SO glad he didn’t wear a condom.”
  • “This feels so good I should make him a sandwich afterwards. And wake him up tomorrow morning with a blow job. You know, just to make sure everything’s out of there.”
  • “I definitely won’t need to hog the covers tonight.”
  • “I’m glad he left Netflix on, I LOVE Archer.”
  • “It’s okay if I don’t finish.”
  • “I’m not totally opposed to the back door.”
  • “I definitely don’t want to talk about my feelings after this.”
  • “He can hog the bed if he wants.”
  • “Money shot? I’m down for a messy porno-style finish.”
  • “15 minutes is totally enough time to satisfy me.”
  • “We’re on round three, I will NOT complain about friction burn.”
  • “It’s okay, I’ll buy my own Plan B. Just in case.”
  • “I may need a new vagina after this.”
  • “Pillow talk is overrated.”
  • “Who cares if he didn’t take off his socks?”
  • “He just earned a double batch of peanut butter cookies with the Dove chocolates in the middle. I’ll bring him some milk, too.”
  • “After this he can hook up with me whenever he wants, even if I have to drop everything. I’ll even drive over to his place if I have to.”
  • “There’s no way I’m going to hook up with anyone else after this.”
  • “I’m not going to freak out on him if he’s sleeping with someone else. The sex is too good.”
  • “If he needs to leave after this, that’s fine. I won’t act needy or possessive even after my sex coma, either.”
  • “On-call blow jobs.”
  • “I’m on my third orgasm and it’s only been a minute. Now he can finish whenever he wants.”
  • “That was so incredible. I can’t move. Or talk. Definitely can’t talk.”

In other words, ladies, we just want to know our efforts were not in vain. Is that too much to ask?

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